


Every Story Has Its Scars, Ours Is a Brand New Start

by Rearviewdreamer



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Violence, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Mpreg, Kid Fic, M/M, Online Friendship, Photography AU, Secret Relationship, Strangers to Lovers, cheating (not between H and L), dad louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2018-12-12 08:46:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 62,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11733627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rearviewdreamer/pseuds/Rearviewdreamer
Summary: Life as a devoted husband and an amazing father turned out to be a little different than Louis had expected. Everyone tells him it doesn't have to be that way; that he's worth more and that he's so much stronger than any one person trying to keep him down. It's all just words though until he meets the one person who makes him truly believe it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Invictus36](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Invictus36/gifts).



> ***Triggers*** Parts of this one were difficult to write and I imagine those parts will also be difficult to read. It's kind of dark in areas but there's also light and the happiest ending, so hopefully you'll still give it a shot.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you to andthetreewashappy for requesting such an important story and thank you to Fallinglikethis(Zayniam) for being an amazing beta and even more amazing friend! <3
> 
>  
> 
> *An estimated 35 percent of women and 25 percent of men worldwide are or have been is a relationship where they have suffered some sort of physical/sexual/emotional abuse in their lifetime.If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, it is important to know you are not alone. There is help for you. Contact your national domestic violence helpline for more info. If you are in immediate danger, please call your local authorities*

Louis never saw himself here. He simply couldn’t imagine it. Well, he could’ve if he tried hard enough he supposes, but he definitely didn’t see himself here this soon. In a few years perhaps. _Lots_ of years according to all his mates who’ve always appreciated Louis’ particular wild sense of spirit. However, it seems almost everyone, including himself, had it wrong.

He didn’t see himself standing up on shaky legs and listening to the person across from him vow to choose _him_ ; to love _him_ , because their dreams and their life and their family together now come first, no matter how recently those three things may have come into existence.

There are no expensive wedding bands to slide onto each other’s fingers. In truth, there wasn’t much time for that sort of thing. They both agreed to use rings they already had, but Louis doesn’t think that takes away from today. If anything, it just shows how committed he and Chris are to making this work, and all for the right reasons; for _one_ reason Louis thinks as he rests his free hand over his stomach.

A life with his unborn child is what Louis wanted. When he told Chris that a month ago, Louis hadn’t exactly envisioned a life with him in it too. Louis figured he’d walk as soon as he found out, but people can surprise you sometimes when you least expect them to, dreams can change in an instant, and suddenly, life is nothing like you imagined because somehow, it’s better.

The deep breath that Louis releases isn’t full of fear like his trembling hands might suggest when their officiator grins at him. It’s full of excitement and an unfortunate case of nerves because he’s only going to do this once so it has to be perfect.

“I, Louis, take you, Chris, to be my partner in this life we’re building together. I promise to accept you and to love you just as you love and accept me, and I want everyone here today to know that I choose you too. Happily.”

Louis wiggles his fingers when his own ring comes to rest against his knuckle. It’s an old silver one his grandfather gave him years ago that used to collect dust at his mother’s house because jewelry has never really been Louis’ thing. He can’t believe the difference a few months and the promise of forever can make because currently, this ring means the world.

Their witnesses are few in number but great in love, pride, and applause for them when they finally kiss. It makes them both laugh and takes Louis right back to the fateful kiss they shared on the night they met; a little hurried from the anticipation and suspense of everything coming together, _very_ drunk, though on life this time instead of too much alcohol, and with the underlying sense of something bigger than Chris and himself taking place in the universe.

Something much, much bigger. 

Five Years Later

Spring

Louis wakes in slow stages to the feeling of a tiny finger brushing along the slope of his nose and a muffled giggle a few inches away that lets him know this has probably been happening for way longer than he’s been conscious for. He lies there as still as possible, hardly even breathing as he pretends to still be asleep.

He cracks one eye open enough to make out the blurry shape of his son creeping forward with a smile on his face. Nathan successfully tickles him on the nose again and then covers his mouth with both hands to hold in his giggles. It’s a wasted effort because they ring out loud in full force when Louis suddenly springs his arms forward to entrap him around the waist and yank him onto the bed with a deep roar.

Little limbs start flying and trying to escape as soon as Louis pulls the covers over them and digs his fingers into Nathan’s sides. Louis’ ears are practically bleeding from all the laughter and high-pitched squeals he gets in response but he keeps tickling him anyway because he loves that sound. He always has.

“What do you want, huh? _More_ tickling, you say?”

Louis eases up on him when Nathan’s cheeks start to turn pink, practically breathless from laughing so hard.

“No! I just wanted food!” he explains, his hands up in surrender and his shoulders tensing up to his ears in anticipation of the second tickle wave he can probably feel coming.

“ _Food_?” Louis grimaces like even the idea is preposterous. “Nope. Sorry, we’re fresh out. We don’t have any of that here.”

“Yes, we do!” Nathan insists too late as Louis digs his fingers between his ribs again.

Fresh peals of laughter erupt and fill the air around them before dying quick deaths from the sound of the bathroom door swinging open on the other side of the bedroom. Louis throws the covers back as Chris steps out with a towel wrapped around his waist and water still clinging to his skin.

He hadn’t paid much attention to the sound of the shower running when Nathan woke him up a moment ago. He honestly hadn’t even realized the other side of the bed had been slept in. Chris got in so late from work last night that Louis didn’t even hear him come home.

“Er- Good morning. Or good night I suppose,” Louis jokes to himself since his husband doesn’t seem to find humor in it. Clearly, he’s not in the mood today. He throws a pointed look over his shoulder at Louis before he starts rifling through the drawers for clothes.

“I’m leaving soon,” Chris announces in lieu of returning Louis’ greeting.

Much like Nathan waking him up by initiating a tickle war, what that statement really translates to is a desire for food so Louis smacks a kiss to their son’s face which has now thankfully returned to its normal color, and then stands on his feet.

“Sure thing. I was just getting up,” Louis says, sneaking in one last opportunity to tickle Nathan on their way to the kitchen.

As far as breakfast goes, it’s pretty easy to please his five-year-old, so that’s where Louis starts. He slides a large bowl of frosted rice krispies in front of him and then lets Nathan pour the milk so he can hear the cereal snapping and popping as he digs in. Louis smiles as he watches his son humming to himself as he pours more cereal into the bowl just for the hell of it, looking as happy as a lark in green dinosaur pajamas.

Louis can’t remember Chris mentioning anything about having to work today as he gets started preparing his breakfast. He empties the last of the hash browns from the freezer into one hot skillet and then cracks a couple of eggs into another wondering if maybe Chris did mention it and Louis simply forgot. Either scenario is likely, however he decides not to bring it up when his husband sits down at the table a few minutes later.

He’s not dressed for work like Louis assumed he’d be. He’s in jeans instead of his usual slacks, but it’s the weekend so Louis supposes it doesn’t matter what he shows up wearing at the firm. He takes a sip of the fresh coffee waiting for him as he types out a message on his phone, hard frown lines marring his face when the drink turns out to be much hotter than he was expecting.

“I can sit that in the fridge for a minute if you want,” Louis suggests while simultaneously shooting his son a look of reprimand when he reaches for the cereal box again just because the pieces left in his bowl are no longer making noise.

“It’s fine,” Chris clears his throat, now focusing on the plate Louis sets down in front of him. Things don’t look fine when he leans in to examine everything that’s there. He tastes the potatoes straight off and apparently finds no fault, but then he pokes his fork at the two over easy eggs which do look a bit darker around the edges than Louis meant them to be. He should’ve taken them off the stove sooner.

“Sorry about the eggs,” he apologizes, already thinking of ways to fix the sour look on Chris’ face as his jaw tenses and he scratches through his short blond hair. “I can scramble some more really fast. O-Or I can make you something else instead.” Louis stands and walks over to the fridge to see what they have. He needs to go shopping soon so there aren’t many options. “We have bacon. And I can always do eggs on toast if you’d like. That’s quick.”

His husband doesn’t give any indication of wanting any of those things when he suddenly stands up from the table.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m running behind anyway. I have to go.”

“O-Oh, okay. Hopefully you can stop for something on the way, then? Sorry again.” His apology doesn’t fix breakfast nor does it make his husband look any less annoyed that Louis fucked it up. He should’ve been paying more attention instead of worrying about work schedules.

Chris slips on his jacket before sliding his untouched eggs in front of their son who just blinks at them.

“He’s allergic,” Louis kindly reminds his husband. Chris seems to remember that important detail a few seconds later and pulls the plate back to where it was.

“I’ll be late,” he says to no one in particular. “My case load is pretty heavy, so.”

“Okay,” Louis nods. “We’ll see you tonight then. Have a good day.”

Nathan stops trying to sneak more cereal to call out a cheerful, “Bye, daddy!” to which his father gives a half-hearted nod so Louis tries his luck next.

“Babe, Nate’s talking to you. He said goodbye.” His efforts don’t warrant much more of a reaction. Just a quick wave over Chris’ shoulder as he answers an incoming phone call with a bright hello. Louis wishes he could’ve answered Nathan with that same enthusiasm. Their son would’ve been happy with even half of that.

Nathan lets out a small sigh when the front door closes. With a sigh of his own, Louis takes Chris’ seat at the table to lessen the sting, but it’s not the same. He and Nathan spend time together every day. It’s Chris who works all the time. It’s his attention that Nathan wants so badly.

“Your dad is just in a rush, love. He’s busy at work,” Louis tells him as he picks up Chris’ abandoned fork and finishes the eggs he didn’t want instead of throwing them out or sending their kid into anaphylactic shock.

Nate doesn’t comment on his father’s work schedule. He never does, but his eyes say it all with how sad they’ve gotten over the last couple of minutes and Louis can’t take it. He shouldn’t ever have to look that way.

“Hey, you. Want to do something really fun before football practice later?” Louis grins when he lightly kicks at Nathan’s bare feet with his own beneath the table.

“Yeah,” he quickly agrees. “Like what?”

“Want to get dressed and then go to… the _big_ park?” That’s not it’s real name, but it’s the biggest park they have on this side of Doncaster and Nathan loves it the best so that’s what they call it.

Louis watches as his son’s face regains that bright, happy glow that should always be present. It’s Louis’ personal mission in life to make sure that it is. They haven’t been to the park in a while. Louis was hoping Chris would be able to make it the next time that they went, but he’s been working almost every weekend. Maybe once his case load eases up they’ll all get to go together.

“Can we rent a paddle boat? Ooh! And can we get popcorn too? The kind with the caramel?” he asks with the same big, blue eyes that Louis sees every time he looks in the mirror.

It’s cool enough outside today that Chris took a jacket with him to work, and after all the frosted cereal Nathan just consumed it’s safe to say he could do without the extra sweets, but his son is smiling again and him being happy makes Louis happy, so freezing to death on a sugar high it is.

“Of course we can, love.”

*

It’s a Monday afternoon after Louis gets home from dropping Nathan off at school, grocery shopping, and running all his other beginning of the week errands that he gets a text from his best mate asking if he has time for a quick lunch while things at the office are slow. Louis grins at the message and immediately stops unpacking food to answer him because he hasn’t talked to Liam in forever.

It’s been much too long, but even so, he hesitates saying yes right away knowing that he should probably stick around the house to take care of the billion things he needs to. Chris wouldn’t like him taking off like this, but his fingers are already moving to accept Liam’s invitation before he can talk himself out of it.

He’s been feeling a little off lately; tired mostly and lonely during the day while Nathan’s at school and everyone else he knows is at work. Maybe spending time with his best friend is just what he needs to pick himself back up. Anyway, it’ll be nice having a little adult interaction for a while and what Chris doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

Louis knows he made the right decision by slacking off on all his responsibilities to drink cappuccinos and eat overpriced sandwiches at the tiny café near Liam’s job when his best friend greets him at the door with a bear hug like they haven’t seen each other in three years rather than three weeks.

“Um, Li? I’m pretty sure you can let go now,” he snorts when their embrace drags on past the standard ‘two pats on the back’ rule that most people adhere to in public places. Not Liam though. He doesn’t even care that they’re making a scene as he tells Louis how much he’s missed seeing his stupid face.

His friend does let go of him eventually, his brown eyes alight with fondness when Louis takes the empty chair across from him at their usual little square table.

“Jesus. If you’re gonna squeeze me to death and miss me this much then don’t wait so long next time to hang out with me.” Louis rolls his eyes though he’s only teasing because in truth, Louis has missed him so much more. He remembers a time before he got married when they could hardly go a day without seeing each other.

“Well, it’s not my fault it’s been so long,” Liam scoffs. “I’ve tried getting in touch with you but you’re not exactly an easy person to track down. I called twice just a couple of nights ago.”

“Yeah,” Louis sighs, remembering that very night. “I know you did. I’m sorry. It was late and it wasn’t really a good time. You know days are usually much better for me,” he says as he opens the menu sitting in front of him that he has memorized from how often he and Liam used to come here. Louis glances up from it when he feels Liam’s eyes locked on him instead of his own menu.

“You mean, it wasn’t a good time because you were busy, or it wasn’t a good time because he saw it was _me_ calling and wouldn’t let you pick up?”

The deep breath Louis lets out as he closes his eyes is the only sound that passes between them for several long beats of time. “Neither. I _mean_ it wasn’t a good time because it just wasn’t. I was with Nate,” Louis explains.

He doesn’t tell Liam that Nathan was up so late because he was nervous after his dad had finally come home from God knows where with his colleagues and couldn’t lower his booming voice or stand up straight from the amount of drinks he had. He also chooses to leave out the part where he purposefully let Liam’s call go to voicemail for a second time that night when Louis went back to his own room because then Chris _would’ve_ realized it was him calling and Louis really didn’t need yet another argument about his ‘ _nosey_ ’ friends on top of a drunk husband.

It’s like Liam can hear every thought that filters through Louis’ mind when the knowing, unconvinced expression he’s wearing stays in place.

“ _Right_. Whatever you say,” he answers tightly. His clipped response is almost enough to make Louis wish he had just stayed home.

Liam has pretty much always disliked his husband and Chris has hated him right back since day one. Louis doesn’t know why that is considering he and Chris didn’t start having problems until months after Nathan was born. He had made the mistake of telling Liam about one dumb fight they had that went a bit too far because they had both been drinking. It ended with Chris losing his temper and pushing him so hard into their bedroom wall that it left a permanent dent and Liam has distrusted the man ever since. Thankfully, Chris hasn’t been able to chase Liam away like everyone else he’s scared off from Louis’ life, though not from lack of trying.

“Li, please,” he whispers. “I haven’t seen you in weeks. Can we not do this today? I just want to spend time with you without bringing Chris into it just this once. Please?”

Louis would get down on his knees and beg for him to change the subject if he had to, but his eyes must look as desperate as he feels because soon enough Liam is forcing himself to nod in agreement.

“Alright. Fine. We’ll talk about something else. For now.” His jaw is tensed like that’s the last thing he wants to do, but he doesn’t say anything more. The relief that Louis feels is instantaneous.

“Great. Thank you,” Louis smiles as he reclaims his menu and rereads all its options. “In that case, I want a sandwich. No. A _giant_ sandwich. A giant sandwich with so much cheese on it that I’m not going to want to hear the word cheese for the next year.”

“I think I want bacon on mine, but just the regular amount and on normal-sized bread,” Liam grins as he picks up his menu too.

Their waiter brings by their usual order of cappuccinos and Louis sits up in his chair to shrug off the denim jacket he grabbed before leaving home. He works his left arm out of its sleeve but then freezes and rethinks the action once he remembers the bruise on his right arm that’s mostly faded by now, but he knows Liam’s sharp eyes will surely see.

Liam notices the aborted movement as Louis tries to casually slip his arm back into the jacket which only serves to draw more attention to the fact that he was hurriedly taking it off just seconds ago.

“Er- I think bacon sounds good too,” Louis quickly agrees as he settles back into his seat and ignores the fact that he’s practically sweltering under the influence of his hot drink and the sun shining into the small confines of this café.

“Yeah, I guess…” Liam frowns. “It’s pretty warm out today though,” he comments. “Actually, it’s the warmest day this month. You aren’t hot wearing that?”

He is burning up but he can’t say that.

“Hmm? Oh, no, I’m fine,” Louis assures him. “I was just straightening out my sleeve.”

“Really? By taking your arm completely out of it and then shoving it back in. That’s a bit strange don’t you think?” Liam comments in that familiar suspicious tone that Louis was trying so hard to prevent.

“No, it’s not _strange_ ,” Louis assures him again. “It’s an old jacket and the fabric gets scratchy sometimes. It’s nothing.”

“Oh, I see,” Liam nods, no longer even pretending to read the menu. “Well, if it’s _nothing,_ then you should just take it off. Since it’s so scratchy and all.”

Louis should’ve just kept the damn thing on because now Liam’s never going to let it rest. They both know that his unwillingness to take off his jacket has nothing to do with the actual jacket and now his best friend is going to obsess over it for the rest of forever. Louis is such an idiot.

“Stop staring at me like that,” he grits out when Liam refuses to look anywhere else with those eyes that know him better than anyone else’s.

“I would if you’d just talk to me and tell me what’s going on. Why won’t you take off the jacket?”

“Liam. I’m not doing this with you today,” Louis warns. “I already told you to just drop it. It’s noth-”

“ _No_ ,” Liam persists. “Take off the jacket and let me see your bloody arm.”

“ _No_ , because I said to fucking drop it so drop it!” Louis snaps much louder than he meant to. “Chris and I had an argument a few days ago and maybe it got a little out of hand, but so what? Adults argue sometimes, Liam. It doesn’t always have to be some huge thing like you’re making it out to be.”

“Interesting you should say that because we’re two adults having an argument right now and no one is touching anyone else. Strange that, isn’t it?” he mocks without a trace of humor on his face.

“That’s because it’s not the same. We aren’t in a relationship, Li. And you’ve never been married so you don’t get it. You _can’t_ and I don’t expect you to.”

Louis feels himself jump when Liam slams his menu shut against the table with his fist making a loud bang resound from the store front. Louis ducks his head when everyone in the café stops to look their way.

“Do you even hear yourself when you say shit like that? I don’t understand why you always make fucking excuses for him!”

Liam notices their audience when the building goes silent after his outburst and takes a deep breath to calm himself. Eventually, his hands steady where they had been shaking in frustration on top of the table. Louis has to take a couple of deep breaths of his own just to clear away the illogical fear and panic currently crawling up the back of his throat. He can’t remember a single time before now that he has ever sat across from his best friend and had that reaction. He doesn’t understand what the hell is wrong with him. It’s just Liam.

“I’m sorry I yelled. I’m so sorry,” he apologizes, looking more like the overly protective puppy that he really is. “But, Lou, a little out of hand is saying something you didn’t mean or- or even raising your voice in the heat of the moment,” he whispers with a guilty expression. “A simple disagreement shouldn’t leave you hurt or with marks on your arm so bad you don’t want anyone else to see.”

“That’s not what this is,” Louis insists for the millionth time. “I know you two don’t get along, but he’s my husband and people lose their tempers when they’re upset sometimes. _Chris_ loses his temper sometimes, but it’s not like he means it. I get angry sometimes too, Li. It happens.”

Apparently, that’s _not_ the case as Liam’s narrowed gaze would imply.

“Oh? So, Chris is walking around hiding his arms in jacket sleeves too, then?” he quips. “Because according to you it’s a completely normal thing that every couple does to each other, right?”

Louis doesn’t have anything to say to that which he thought would make Liam happy since he’s always so hell-bent on being right about this, but Louis’ lack of a response just makes his eyes look incredibly sad instead as he presses the heel of his hands into them.

“Louis,” he sighs. “You and Nathan deserve so much better. I worry about the both of you all the time. I’m a mess every time I don’t hear from you for a while because I think ‘ _This is it. He’s really hurt you this time_ ,’ and I just- I don’t understand how we got here.”

Liam tries to meet his gaze again when he lifts his head but Louis avoids it completely choosing instead to stare at the napkin holder at center of the table. It’s less judgmental and doesn’t seem half as disappointed in him as Liam currently does.

“You’ve always been the strongest person I know, Louis, but when it comes to him you just…I don’t know. It’s like you just _give up_ and I hate that he’s done that to you. I don’t want _that_ Louis. I want my friend back,” he whispers. “I miss you.”

Somehow this quiet, candid side of Liam hurts more and makes him feel even worse than when he was angry. Liam says he’s different from how he used to be, and even though Louis can’t pinpoint what exactly about himself has changed, he knows that Liam is right. He just can’t admit it.

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you, Li, because I haven’t gone anywhere,” he shrugs with a small grin. “I’m right here.”

“Yeah. Except, you’re not. Not really,” he says quietly. “And I don’t know if you can’t see what he’s done to you or you just don’t want to, but you’re not here.”

*

His conversation with Liam sticks with him the rest of the day no matter how hard he tries to forget it. His phone calls and lunch dates with Liam usually involve his friend checking in on him and Nate and fussing over the two of them as per usual, but they’ve never left Louis feeling so shitty about himself.

Seeing Liam was supposed to make him feel better not worse.

Luckily, Louis starts to feel a bit more like himself by the time school finally lets out and he gets to pick up his son. It’s hard when he’s at home by himself during the day and all he has is time to think. At least with Nathan home he has purpose as well as someone around to make him laugh and warm his heart all at the same time since Chris rarely does.

The thing is, Louis’ not an idiot like everyone seems to think. He’s aware that his marriage isn’t perfect but that doesn’t mean that it’s as bad as Liam assumes either. Louis has such an amazing life with his son which is all he ever wanted. Chris didn’t have to propose to him when he found out Louis was going to have Nate. He didn’t have to offer Louis a life with him in it too but he did and Chris asked for them to spend their lives together. Now Louis is one-half of a partnership that has its problems, sure, but whose marriage doesn’t?

Chris may not be the greatest at expressing his feelings, but Louis knows that he loves their son. The two of them don’t get to spend as much time together Louis would like, but that doesn’t diminish their bond in the slightest. And although other people don’t necessarily see it or believe it, Louis knows that Chris cares about him too.

Dinner is cooked and ready by six o’clock just like every other day even though Chris hasn’t answered him yet about when exactly he’ll be home from work. Louis hasn’t seen much of him for the past few days; weeks really. He usually comes in so late that Louis is already asleep and their mornings move so fast that they can’t really talk then either. He figures it’s going to be more of the same tonight when he puts Nathan in bed around nine and he still hasn’t heard anything back about when his father will be getting in.

He had wanted to show Chris an animal book he made at school, but it’ll just have to wait until morning. Louis tucks Nathan in and then sits next to him with one of many of his beloved storybooks in both of their laps. Chris may not be there to read to their son before bed at night, but that doesn’t mean Louis can’t try to make up for it by being there for him always.

When Louis wakes a few hours later, it’s to the feeling of someone touching his face, but it’s not playful or gentle enough to be Nathan. Louis opens his eyes to someone bent over him and the overwhelming smell of whiskey filling his nose. He tastes it when Chris kisses him and loudly licks into his mouth like Louis isn’t lying right next to their son in his bed.

“Stop it. You’re waking him up,” Louis whispers when he sits up and away from his husband to put some space between them. It only takes Louis’ sleepy brain a second to realize Chris is so drunk that he probably doesn’t know where he is.

Nathan’s still asleep Louis realizes when he pulls the covers up around his shoulders and better tucks him in. It’s nearly midnight. Louis didn’t mean to crash in here, but he was just so tired that he must’ve drifted off.

He dog-ears the corner of the page he fell asleep reading aloud but the book clatters to the ground when Chris grips him by the back of the neck to force his tongue into his mouth again.

“Come on. Get up,” he murmurs, making Louis’ stomach turn from the bitter aftertaste of his kiss. Louis pulls away from it and instantly regrets doing so when Chris glares down at him. “What’s your problem?” he demands.

He lets go of Louis’ neck to wrap his large hand around his bicep and yank him onto his feet and it hurts. He’s squeezing the same spot that he bruised a few days ago when Louis tried to be the bigger person during an argument and walk away, but Louis doesn’t dare say anything with Nathan sleeping so close by. He dutifully follows Chris out of the room, refusing to make a sound until he quietly closes their son’s door behind them.

“You’re drunk and you’re hurting me,” Louis says once they’re inside their own room. He would’ve willingly gotten up on his own to follow Chris here without being led like a dog, but he didn’t even give Louis the chance.

Chris toes off his shoes and then grabs at the drawstring of Louis’ joggers to take them off. Louis doesn’t mean to pull back when Chris leans in to kiss him again but it’s like an automatic reflex when he turns his head away from his husband’s bruising mouth.

The action doesn’t go unnoticed. Chris snatches his hands away from him and glares down at him again until Louis feels so small that he prefers to stare at the floor rather than at his husband.

“I don’t get you. You complain all the time about how I’m never here and then when I am and I try to spend time with you, you act like _this_.” He rolls his eyes at the way Louis jumps when all he does is gesture towards Louis’ hunched shoulders.

“I-I wasn’t complaining. It’s just really late, Chris, and you woke me up.”

“So?” he spits. “What? You don’t want me to touch you now? You’d rather sleep?”

“That’s not what I meant. I do want to spend time with you,” Louis whispers, because even though Chris has been drinking and he’s not being particularly nice right now, Louis _has_ missed having his attention. Of course, he’d much rather sit down with his husband and have an actual conversation every now and then, but Chris has never been a big talker. They don’t have time for a lot of things with his unpredictable work schedule but Louis’ not going to whine about it on the one night that he’s here and just trying to be a normal couple.

“I don’t have to put up with this you know,” he tells Louis after a few long beats. “I don’t have to waste my time being here if you’re just going to-”

“No, babe. I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Louis says, finally meeting Chris’ eyes again. They’re brown just like Liam’s but they’ve never held the sort of fondness for him that his best friend’s do. Right now, they’re a little faded which can only be the result of having too much to drink tonight. They’re also full of disappointment like they always are when Louis makes things more complicated than they have to be.

Louis steps forward to kiss him, ignoring the fact that Chris tastes nothing like himself at the moment.

“I’m sorry,” Louis whispers again against his neck as he starts undoing the buttons at the top of his shirt.

Chris responds the way Louis was hoping he would, by leaning his head back at his touch with a pleased sigh. Louis trails his lips down his neck and over his exposed chest as his eyes catch the shadow of something beneath Chris’ collarbone. Louis stops his efforts immediately and runs his fingers over the bruise, his stomach sinking when he recognizes it as a row of dark love bites that weren’t there when Chris stepped out of the shower this morning.

“What are those?” Louis asks dumbly even though he already knows full well what they are. He knows love bites when he sees them. He also knows _his_ mouth wasn’t the one responsible for putting them there.

Chris lets out an impatient sigh as he glances down at his own chest. “It’s nothing,” he says as he bats Louis’ hand away from his skin. “Don’t worry about it.”

He holds Louis’ chin steady and resumes kissing him like nothing is wrong here when literally everything is. Those marks on his husband’s skin are all Louis can think about; that, and the image of someone else besides himself putting them there.

“No, but, I don’t understand. If you’ve been at work and then with your colleagues at the bar then when did-? _Who_ did-?”

His questioning only makes Chris sigh again like he’s the one being inconvenienced by Louis not being dumb enough to miss the fact that he’s been with someone else.

“Look, babe, I already told you it’s nothing, alright? It’s not a big fucking deal and you had to find out sometime. You’ve never even noticed before so just pretend like it’s not there now.”

Louis’ mouth feels dry, his tongue heavy under the weight of the billion things he wants to say right now but doesn’t know how with Chris staring down at him like he’s an idiot. All those nights that Chris said he was working and then went out afterwards for a couple of drinks to loosen up now make a lot more sense to Louis. So do all the weekends where his husband disappeared without a word instead of cheering Nathan on at his football games or watching movies with them as a family on the couch.

“You know, the person who gave me these didn’t just stand there like this. I actually left him to come home to you and now I’m wondering what for,” Chris complains when Louis can’t do anything except stare at him and wonder what he did so wrong that warranted being cheated on. Maybe he should’ve done more. Maybe he should’ve asked Chris how he could be a better husband, though he guesses he shouldn’t be so surprised that Chris would do something like this to him. According to everyone else it was only a matter of time.

Louis wants to back away from him but the dangerous look that Chris is giving him right now makes him scared to even try from fear of ending up with a ring of bruises around his other arm or maybe even someplace worse.

“I-I’m not sure what you want me to say here,” Louis admits.

“You don’t have to say anything, babe, because no one else even matters right now. You’re the one I wanted to see, love. I mean, I _thought_ you would’ve wanted to see me too since it’s been so long, but I guess not.”

It’s twisted, but it actually makes Louis feel better to know that in some small way, Chris missed him. Louis knows he should be mad at him. He should be angry and upset, and he _is_ ; it’s just mostly directed at himself. It hurts knowing that Chris has been lying to him. That he’s been _choosing_ to lie to him in order to be with someone else, and all Louis can feel is a strange sense of disappointment in himself because all this time he thought he was good enough has been a lie too. Apparently, he’s not even good enough for sex anymore since Chris is getting it from someone else.

He doesn’t pull away when Chris kisses him and then picks up undressing himself where Louis left off with shaky hands. He gives into guilt surging through him, and even though Louis feels sick to his stomach when he gets down on his knees in front of his husband, he takes Chris into his mouth and does his best anyway wondering who was here in his place earlier tonight; if they knew he had a family waiting for him back home.

He feels like shit tonight so he was hoping to get Chris off with just his mouth but he pushes Louis away before he comes. It feels like a death march when Louis walks over to the bedside table as ordered to get the lube. He takes off his clothes and lies down to open himself up all the while his husband watches from the foot of the bed.

“Come here,” Chris says after Louis has only been working himself open for a few seconds.

Louis doesn’t immediately get up because he’s still not prepped enough but Chris walks over to the side of bed and pulls him up by his arm anyway. He presses a painful kiss to Louis’ lips that’s mostly teeth and then bends him over the bed in the rough manner Chris always uses when he’s been drinking.

It hurts when Chris quickly pushes inside and starts to fuck him but thankfully the sting only lasts a little while as his body adjusts to the pace. Louis’ back aches in this position but he doesn’t try to move until Chris lets him up and asks him to lie down on his back.

This position is easier on his spine. He feels better in general until Chris starts getting close and he leans down over him with blown pupils and nothing within their depths. He closes his hand around Louis’ shoulder but then slides it up to his throat for more leverage as he chases his orgasm.

His hips are snapping into Louis at such a steady rhythm that he’s having trouble pulling air into his lungs. Louis tugs at his wrist but Chris’ hand doesn’t budge.

“Babe, you’re hurting me,” he says, his breaths becoming shorter as Chris steadily chokes them off. “I can’t breathe. Please.” His words come out in desperate gasps but Chris doesn’t hear him over his own drunken murmurings into Louis’ ear about how good he feels and how close he’s getting as his grip gets tighter.

It's like breaking the surface of an ocean pressing in all around him when Chris finally comes and his hand falls away from his neck. Louis sucks in air like life itself and wipes at the tears that had gathered in his eyes when he started to fear that Chris wouldn’t let him go.

The bed dips to his left when Chris flops down next to him to catch his breath. He doesn’t even notice anything is wrong until he turns his head and sees Louis scrubbing over his wet cheeks as he holds back sobs.

“What’s wrong? Shit. Did I hurt you?” he asks, his half-lidded eyes swimming with something that resembles remorse, but it’s hard to tell. He knows Chris says and does things sometimes that he doesn’t mean, especially when there’s alcohol involved, but he’s never been so rough that Louis could’ve really been injured. He’s never come close to doing something so reckless that could’ve ended Louis’ life.

Just thinking about it and then imaging Nathan growing up without him makes him want to vomit. Louis winces when he swallows the feeling down, hoping the evidence of tonight won’t show up on his skin tomorrow.

He sucks in a sharp breath and jerks away from Chris’ touch when he tries to comfort him with a kiss to his shoulder.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I just- I spaced out for a moment, but I didn’t mean it. You know that, right? You know I’d never hurt you. I _love_ you,” he promises, and it sounds so much like a real apology; like all the other apologies before that always leave Louis questioning whether or not they’re genuine.

Louis doesn’t know how long he sits up afraid to lie down in his own bed and too scared to try and go anywhere else. His phone vibrates on the dresser across the room just after midnight. His mother is never up this late, so he knows it must be Liam. It’s probably a text goodnight along with another apology about their argument today, but Louis doesn’t dare get up to go check; it’s just not worth the risk.

His phone doesn’t vibrate anymore, returning the room to complete silence. Nathan must not have heard anything that happened over the past hour because he hasn’t come creeping into their room tonight to check if his parents are done fighting. He hates that Nathan gets so anxious just hearing loud voices, and what Louis hates even more is that he and Chris are one-hundred percent to blame. Their son is scared because of them.

All Louis can think when he glances over at his husband fast asleep and his grandfather’s ring around his own finger is that Chris proposed to _him_. He chose Louis to build a life with. Chris wanted to be with him and their son and Louis wanted to be with him too. At the time, Louis thought that was the right thing, both for himself, and for his child, but now Louis’ sharing a house with a man who’s never there and whose love oftentimes feels a lot like being smothered and snuffed out like a candle that once burned a bit too bright.

Much like Liam said today when he looked at Louis like the fight and the life has been drained right out of him, Louis doesn’t know how he got here. He didn’t know what exactly he was setting himself up for when he vowed to belong to Chris forever, but he knows for sure that he didn’t choose _this_. Nobody would.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breathe. Harry is coming :)

No matter how hard Louis tries he can’t breathe. There isn’t enough air in the room to suck in, and every time he tries his lungs sting like the points of tiny knives flowing down his throat instead of the oxygen he so desperately needs. He just needs take a breath; one good, _solid_ breath, but the hand clenched around his throat is so tight that he can feel the delicate bones inside cracking along the surface like fractures through a sheet of ice. He can’t say it out loud, but the only thing Louis wants is the chance to live. His last thoughts are of his son before he opens his eyes, realizes he was just dreaming, and that his heart is racing for no reason at all because the tiny hand that quickly jerks away from him belongs to Nathan who’s worriedly looking down at him with wide blue eyes.

“Daddy? What happened?”

At first Louis doesn’t know what his son is talking about, but then it all comes rushing back to him with sharp clarity. Louis sits up, groaning at how sore his body feels and presses along the tender skin of his neck. It hurts to even touch it but he tries not to make a face with his son watching him so closely.

“I already told you daddy had an accident last night,” Chris says as he steps out of the bathroom, already fully dressed as he adjusts his tie. “He tripped over something he didn’t see, but he’s okay. Right, Lou?”

Their son looks to Louis for confirmation of this. Louis doesn’t necessarily _like_ lying to him, but it’s not the first time it’s happened, and unfortunately, it probably won’t be the last.

“Er-Yeah. I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing again. But, I’m fine just like your dad said, love. It’s nothing. Just me being silly.”

Nathan grins at his notorious clumsiness when Louis does, but even that miniscule amount of movement sends pain shooting across his bruised skin. If his neck feels this awful he can only imagine how it must look; pretty bad he guesses for his husband to look over at him with so much pity.

“So, I’m going to take him to school today…” Chris announces after a beat. “You look like you could use the rest.”

Louis hadn’t even noticed that Nathan is already dressed in his school uniform.

“No, I can take him. I don’t mind,” Louis insists too loud, wincing when the walls of his throat contract and slide together like sandpaper.

Chris rolls his eyes at his offer. He doesn’t even consider it as he continues getting ready. “Louis, I’m sorry, but you’re not going anywhere like that. I mean, what would people think?” They’d probably think his husband choked the hell out of him while he was off his face, but Louis’ only guessing. “Just stay home and get some rest like I said. You’ll feel better for it later,” Chris assures him. “Now, we’ve got to go, Nate. Tell daddy goodbye.”

Louis open his arms wide and buries his nose his son’s hair when he hugs him. He wishes he didn’t have to go.

“Have a good day, darling. I love you.”

“Love you too. I’m sorry you don’t feel good today,” he says as he takes Chris’ offered hand.

“I’ll be alright. Don’t worry about me,” Louis smiles. His expression falls and his entire body freezes when Chris steps forward to lean down and press an awkward kiss to his temple. Louis tells himself he’s being ridiculous when his first instinct is to shield his throat. He forces his hands to stay where they are in his lap, sweaty all of a sudden just from his close proximity.

“You’ll need to pick him up this afternoon,” Chris informs him in a whisper. “And wear something sensible,” he instructs. “I don’t want anyone calling me or showing up here over an accident this minor because you wore something low-cut.”

“Okay,” Louis nods, wondering if his fake recovery period includes taking a break from cooking dinner as well. “Um, when will you be home?” he asks just as Nathan and Chris are leaving the room.

“Hmm? Oh, don’t worry about me. Fix whatever you and Nathan want. I’m working late tonight.” Louis frowns at the little grin on his face until his eyes trail down to Chris’ chest where he knows someone left their mark just beneath his shirt when he was ‘ _working late_ ’ last night. With how awful Louis is feeling this morning, he almost forgot all about the other person his husband is sleeping with. “You’ll be alright while I’m working, won’t you?” Chris raises a stern eyebrow that says he had better be so Louis nods.

“Yeah. Of course. We’ll be fine.”

His answer puts a genuine smile on Chris’ face and it’s a sight to behold considering most everything Louis does these days makes him frown. He guesses he finally did something right by just shutting up.

“Good. I’ll see you later, then,” Chris chirps before tacking on a quick ‘ _love you_ ’ as an afterthought.

“Yeah,” Louis breathes with a taut grin of his own. “Me too.”

*

Chris pretty much banned him from leaving the house unless it’s to pick up Nathan which Louis had initially resented, but as the morning dragged on Louis started to not hate his husband’s firm suggestion quite as much as he found that he didn’t actually _want_ to leave the house.

He feels like complete shit.

His mother calls to check up on him on her way to work like she always does every few days and Louis does his best impression of sounding like her happy son as he lies through his teeth and says everything is going great.

The things he tells her about her grandson aren’t such a stretch of the truth though. Nathan does love going to school. He’s good at it, he’s happy, and he has friends his own age there whom he gets to play with every day. Louis worries and misses him like crazy while he’s off living his own little life, but his mum says that’s completely normal. Apparently, it’s just part of being a parent. She says it as if she experiences the same phenomenon every day. Louis guesses she would know.

Liam calls later in the day in an attempt to get Louis out of the house again. When Louis declines after every bribe he can come up with, his best friend tries another route entirely claiming that he’s bringing lunch over to Louis’ and they’re going to hang out whether he likes it or not.

Earlier in the morning, Louis finally looked at his neck and understood why Chris wanted him to lie low. It’s so purple and bruised that Louis hardly even recognizes it as his own anymore with the five, dark, finger-shaped grooves branded into his skin that would send his best friend straight to Chris’ firm with weapons in hand fit for murder. He shudders just imagining the carnage that would ensue because Chris is strong, but so is Liam and he’d love a good excuse like this to kill him on Louis’ behalf. He’s been searching for one for years.

Louis hates lying to his best friend as much as he hates lying to his mother and everyone else he loves. That’s why it nearly breaks his heart to tell Liam that he’s away from the house all day running errands so he won’t stop by. Maybe they can see each other next week.

It’s lonely having to stay hidden all the time when what Louis would really like to do is to talk to people so he doesn’t have to just sit around thinking so much. The quiet is what makes Louis wonder just how fucked up he really is since his family and his best friend think he’s insane and his husband thinks so little of him that he does all of his living away from him and their family.

As per usual, boredom and the desire to silence that tiny voice in his head that keeps telling him all of this is his fault drive him to the kitchen to dig out his laptop from the cabinet beneath the sink.

He didn’t always keep his valuable things there. This isn’t even the same computer he had when he and Chris got married. The other one got destroyed a couple of years ago when Chris shoved it off their dresser because Louis went out for a drink at a bar with his friends after dropping Nathan off at his mother’s house and didn’t run it by him first. His mother bought him a new one later that year for his birthday, but now Louis knows better than to leave important things like that lying around. Chris doesn’t even know he has this laptop which is why Louis hides it under the sink with all the cleaning supplies; the one place in the house he knows for certain that his husband would never look.

Louis walks into the living room and cuddles up against the arm of the sofa as he turns his laptop on and waits for the background to load. When it does, a picture of Nathan on his first day of school a few months ago appears making Louis grin from how cute and excited he looked wearing his new backpack that was as big as him. Luckily, he’s grown a bit in the months that have passed, but not by much so Louis still finds him and his giant backpack adorable.

He’s determined to not spend his _entire_ afternoon gushing over his son. He does that enough when he’s actually here, so Louis checks his email that hardly ever receives anything good and then goes on to check his social media accounts even though he keeps none of them regularly updated.

He scrolls through pictures and posts of all the people he knows including his eldest sister who has dyed her hair yet again, and Liam who seems to have had a very good time last night getting to know the beautiful girl standing next to him in a photo taken outside of a bar. Louis feels a stab of guilt looking at the picture that someone else took of them looking drunk, but also incredibly happy. Maybe that’s why Liam wanted to see him so badly today. He probably wanted to tell Louis all about her and their night, and like a good friend, Louis should’ve been there to listen. He should’ve been, except he wasn’t. He couldn’t be.

Seeing the ins and outs of everyone’s lives online never makes Louis feel any better about his own situation. If anything it just makes him feel worse. That’s why he only spends a few minutes digitally catching up with his loved ones before he moves on to the photography blogs that he’s really after.

There are several that he regularly visits and none of them make him feel like a bad friend or family member for never being around. Looking at all the beautiful moments that other people have captured around the world is like an escape. Coincidentally, it’s a photography blog from someone in Cheshire just an hour away that always holds his attention the most.

It belongs to someone called Harry who started his own photography business a few years ago and displays his work here and on his professional website for the world to see. Louis found him by accident. He had been lurking through one blog inside a saved collection called Fresh Street Perspective and became obsessed with a black and white shot someone had taken of a woman turning towards the camera as she walked through an overgrown field. It stood out because every other photo in the collection was quite literal in terms of the collection title and showed people’s views of busy streets and markets. This photo didn’t even have a street. The tall grass and trees around the girl were blurred and out of focus, but she had been captured so well that by the end of the ten minutes Louis had spent studying the photograph Louis felt as if he knew everything about her; a testament to her as a subject and model but also the talent of the photographer whom Louis immediately searched and became an avid fan of.

Harry takes amazing shots all the time that Louis could never have dreamed of taking back when his camera was used for more than being a dust collector under the kitchen sink. Louis’ obsession with Harry’s work started out as a bit of talent envy but now it’s just pure admiration. Harry takes pictures of everything from wide sweeping shots of the landscape so sharp that Louis feels as though he’s looking at the mossy hills with his own eyes, to close-up shots of blossoms and flowers with so much depth that Louis can see the thin veins fanning through each petal.

Those are always Louis’ favorites. Kind of like today with Harry’s featured photo of the week on his professional site as a black and white shot of a patch of wild daisies just visible beneath a shallow pool of water that must’ve been created by the rain. It’s beautiful as always, and Louis tells him so, leaving a comment on his blog which houses all of his photos, just like everybody else who saw Harry’s work and felt compelled to let him know how talented he is in case he isn’t already aware.

Louis’ looks a little out of place amongst the others that are so long that Louis stops reading half-way through. His is only four words. Harry probably won’t even notice it, but Louis thinks they’re just as important as the novel-length comments that eclipse his tiny one.  

‘ _Beautifully captured as always. –L’_

Louis only has a couple of hours to play around on the internet before it’s time to come back to reality so he can pick up Nathan from school.

He steps into the shower and lets the warm water soothe all his aches from the night before. His neck still looks like hell when he inspects himself in the foggy mirror, but it feels a lot better and isn’t quite as tender as when he woke up.

Chris’ suggestion about his clothing echoes through his mind when he comes to stand in front of their closet. It’s getting warmer almost every day, but thankfully it’s cloudy and a bit cooler out today so the soft maroon-colored hoodie he chooses won’t look too out of place.

Nathan runs to hug him hello when he sees Louis standing outside his classroom with all the other parents. He slows down once he gets close enough to touch Louis, seeming to rethink his plan of action after a cautious glance at Louis’ covered neck.

“I promise I feel fine, love. You can hug me,” Louis chuckles.

“I made this for you today,” Nathan announces as he digs a piece of paper out of his giant backpack. The words ‘ _feel better soon_ ’ are scribbled across a picture of a rainbow heart and it makes Louis feel like the worst parent in the world because his son cares so much about him and he’s not even fucking sick; Chris just told him that he was and made it impossible for Louis to say otherwise.

Nathan’s teacher comes over to explain how hard he worked on Louis’ picture during art this morning and it only makes Louis feel worse because now the people at school are involved with helping him and his son maintain a lie. 

“Well, I love it. And it must’ve worked too because I feel _so_ much better!” he tells Nathan with a big smile. “Thank you for thinking of me.” He bends down to hug his son who wraps his arms tight around Louis’ neck the way he has ever since he was a baby. Normally Louis loves that feeling, but today it stings against his bruises making him want to pull away. He stays right where he is though, trying his best to keep a straight face so he doesn’t scare Nathan and his teacher doesn’t notice anything is wrong.

“Mr. Tomlinson? Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” she frowns when Louis stands up with stiff shoulders. “If you’re still not well I can call your husband if you need. I’m sure he’d rush straight here.” He would, and then Louis would probably pay for it on some other part of his body that’s not so easily hidden.

Louis turns to her with the same practiced grin he uses on Liam, his mother, and even his own son whenever necessary.

“No, no. I’m great,” he assures her as he takes Nathan’s hand in his. “I’m just a little tired is all. Busy day.”

*

Chris keeps his word about working late that night and pretty much every day for the rest of the week. Louis is already in bed by the time he drags himself in at night. _If_ he drags himself in. Louis always wakes up bright and early the next morning, fixes a breakfast that Chris hardly eats, and before Louis knows it, his husband disappears again leaving him all alone. Chris ignoring him and the fading bruises he put on his skin doesn’t bother him as much as it probably should. In a weird way, Louis’ kind of grateful to be receiving the cold shoulder from him, because if Chris is pretending he’s invisible then at least they aren’t fighting.

Being isolated isn’t the most exciting way he can think to spend his days but it has its upsides. With Nathan at school and Chris off doing God knows what he has all the time in the world to sit back and properly appreciate other people’s photography. More specifically, _Harry’s_ photography which only gets better and better as time goes on.

Louis always thinks he can no longer be surprised by his work until Harry shoots something even more spectacular than before and ends up proving him wrong. This week’s featured photo on his professional website is one such instance.

It’s a wide shot of a clear night sky that captures the starlight so well Louis feels he could reach out and touch them. It’s a gorgeous shot and apparently, Louis isn’t the only person who is impressed. Harry has a billion and one comments as per usual. All of which praise his talent and artistic eye. People want to know which camera he used and how he was able to do it. Louis would like to know as well, but he kind of likes the guessing. He knows he could _never_ have pulled something like this off. Even if he kept pursuing his own photography career and stayed with it for a thousand years it still probably wouldn’t be enough to rival Harry’s work.

_‘Had a little chat with the rest of the world and we all decided to just give up. You officially win everything. Gorgeous as ever of course. Congrats. –L’_

Louis clicks around on other people’s blogs after that, still grinning to himself over the comment he just left on Harry’s work. He’s been leaving compliments like that on Harry’s photographs every week for over a year, usually so insignificant that they go unnoticed, however never in all that time has Louis ever received a message _back_.

Not until today anyway.

The computer makes a sound like a bell chime that makes Louis jump in surprise because he’s never heard it do that before. He searches through the all the open windows and tabs on his screen before he notices one with a blinking green dot in the corner. He’s sure it must be a mistake when he clicks on his inbox and it claims he has one new message because Louis doesn’t _get_ messages. Not in the entire two years he’s had this account. There’s nothing for anyone to comment _on_ since he never posts photographs and yet Harry’s username is staring back at him, his unopened message still blinking and sending a strange flutter of nerves through his stomach when he clicks on it.

‘ _Hiii there! Kind of wish I’d been invited to that world chat. If I had, maybe I could’ve convinced you all to come shoot with me next time instead of throwing in the collective towel. And thanks by the way. You’ve always been much too kind about my photographs. –Harry’_

That was relatively painless as far as ‘meeting’ a personal hero goes. Actually, it wasn’t painful at all because Harry seems pretty nice; humble even though he’s nothing short of brilliant, and like he has some sort of sense of humor. Hearing from him for a change is certainly a surprising turn of events, but at least now Louis knows there’s a real person behind all those amazing photographs. It’s also nice to know that his small comments didn’t get lost in the giant flattery pile.

Apparently, Harry has seen them all.  

*

It’s been more of the same silence and calmness for Louis since his husband is still keeping a safe distance. He must feel really guilty about hurting him so badly. It’s either that or he’s so thrilled to no longer have to sneak around with his boyfriend that he can’t be bothered to come home. Louis kind of suspects it’s more of the latter.

Nathan asks about him a lot. He stares at the empty chair at their kitchen table every morning because most of the time his father isn’t in it and Louis’ customary excuse of ‘ _he’s busy at work’_ doesn’t sound quite as convincing as it used to.

Louis wishes he didn’t have to lie to him all the time, but he makes damn sure that his son is happy even without one of his parents there because for every breakfast and dinner that Chris misses Louis makes sure to kiss his son a dozen times, hug him tighter than ever before, as well as promise him all the sweets, cartoons, and paddle boat rides at the park he can handle. So, as a result of Chris pretending like neither of them exists, their five-year-old gets spoiled to death –not that he’d ever complain about such a hardship– and Louis? He gets more free time to himself even though that’s all he’s ever had anyway.

It’s pretty late in the afternoon on the day Louis digs his laptop out from beneath the sink and settles down with a cup of tea and a pack of Nathan’s gummy snacks that he’ll soon have to replace. He goes straight to his blog account to see the masterpiece of a photograph that Harry has chosen to share with the world this week, however, he doesn’t get very far with that plan this time due to the new message notification blinking in his inbox.

That’s two from Harry in less than two weeks, but what’s even more peculiar is that this new message from him was completely unprompted. Louis hasn’t even seen his shot of the week yet let alone had time to comment on it.

‘ _So, theoretically, if someone were interested, where would he go to see all the shots that you’ve taken?_ ’

Louis stares at the question for a long time wondering how exactly Harry managed to speak to him a whole nine days after he spoke to Louis the first time. It had to have been an accident. He probably hasn’t looked at his inbox since then and just started typing. Louis has done that on several occasions. He has sent Liam texts meant for his mother and vice versa, so he totally gets it.

 _‘Hi, again. Thanks for the hypothetical interest, but_ _I think you meant to send this to somebody else? Sorry for the confusion! –L_ ’

With that done, Louis moves to continue his plan of stalking out Harry’s page, but no sooner than Louis hits send does he get another notification from him. That was, well, _fast_.

‘ _Mmm_ , _no, I’m pretty sure I sent it to the right person. I know because I searched every inch of your blog so I could return the favor and leave obnoxiously flattering comments on your work too, but nothing was there.’_

The idea of brilliant-beyond-reason Harry having the time to care about Louis’ empty blog between shooting amazing photographs of his own is almost laughable. It just makes Louis even more convinced that Harry thinks he’s talking to somebody else.

‘ _Yeah_ , _I’ve never actually posted anything_ so _that’s probably why you were disappointed. I’m not a real photographer. I just mess around with it for fun, so.’_ All Louis has is the icon for his profile picture which is a shot of a sunset he took years ago. He only uses this account to look at other people’s work. Not to share his own.

‘ _Spoken like a true photographer slash talent-hoarder_ ,’ Harry types. ‘ _I bet you’re sitting on hundreds of great shots right now that you’re keeping all to yourself.’_

Louis thinks about his camera that hasn’t moved from under the sink in months. The same camera he used all through uni. There are _thousands_ of pictures saved to it; not hundreds, though he’s not sure they’re really any good.

 _‘It’s unfair, you know,’_ Harry continues after a minute or two of radio silence _. ‘Selfish, really. I mean, think of the community, L. Think of all the children.’_ Louis wasn’t aware there were children to even think about in this situation _._ He’s still not sure that there actually are _._ Louis guesses he’s given up when Harry’s next message comes a minute later making him snort. ‘ _So, L,_ _on a scale of one to ten how am I doing with bullying you into letting me see your stuff?’_

 _‘It’s Louis by the way,’_ he types _. ‘And I’d say you’re at a solid four. Maybe even a weak five. Assuming of course that I even have photos to show you. I never said I did.’_

_‘Oh, I think you do. I’d bet my D4 on it.’_

Louis gasps so hard he nearly sucks one of Nathan’s gummy snacks down his throat.

_‘Wait. You seriously have a Nikon D4?? That thing costs a fortune. Not that it isn’t totally worth it because, I mean, it’s a bloody D4. The resolution is supposed to be amazing! How long have you had it? Is that what you used to shoot the girl in the field?’_

Harry takes forever to respond considering he’s been so chatty all this time. Louis has been obsessed with that shot for years. He wishes he could reach through his laptop and shake an answer out of its owner. When Harry finally replies, Louis expects to have all of its mysteries revealed, but all he gets from Harry instead is a smug, _‘I thought you said you’re not a real photographer?’_

*

_‘So, are you going to actually TELL me about this amazing D4 you randomly name-dropped or just keep pretending like you didn’t purposefully hook my interest a few days ago and then log off to torture me?’_

Louis steals glances at his open laptop on the bedside table feeling irrationally annoyed and impatient as he fills his time by folding fresh laundry on the bed.

He’s been scoping out his inbox for days waiting for Harry to say something again, but so far, there’s been nothing. Not even a new request for Louis to send him evidence of him being some grand photographer. Which, of course, he _isn’t_. Louis hasn’t worked in forever.

A familiar-sounding bell finally chimes through his speakers and he nearly snaps his neck to better see the new message that pops up on his screen.

 _‘Hmm. That depends_ ,’ Harry types. ‘ _Are you ever going to let me see all of the brilliant photographs you’re hoarding or continue to keep me in suspense?’_

Louis drops the bright orange dinosaur t-shirt in his hands and rolls his eyes at Harry’s blind flattery. He flops down on the edge of his bed near the pillows, abandoning the laundry altogether since Harry’s clearly online at the moment.

‘ _You can’t say they’re brilliant photos if you’ve never even seen them_ ,’ Louis types back. ‘ _They could be utter shit_.’

Harry’s response comes right after, making Louis grin despite the cool indifference he was trying to maintain.

‘ _Ah, so you finally admit that the photos exist then! Excellent! Acceptance is the first step. I’m very proud of you.’_

So, Harry’s a little shit, and yet despite the bed full of laundry Louis’ ignoring, his sarcastic praise actually makes him feel semi-accomplished. Funny that.

‘ _You hardly even know me,’_ Louis sends back. _‘I think the rules are that you have to actually know a person in order to be proud of them.’_

_‘I think I know you quite well. You’ve been quietly commenting on my photos for over a year, though, I’d probably know you a lot better if you’d listen to me and just **post. your. bloody. photos**.’ _

Louis scoffs at the direct order, snorting when Harry tacks on a ‘ _Pretty_ _pretty_ _please,’_ along with an apology smiley to make up for it.

What Harry keeps asking – persistently and _annoyingly_ demanding of him really – isn’t that unreasonable when Louis thinks about it considering Louis _is_ a member of a photo blogging community. Harry is too and he just so happens to be an extremely popular photographer which is what makes Louis hesitant to put his work out there alongside his. As Louis has already said a dozen times, he’s no professional. Not anymore anyway, but, still. Maybe it won’t hurt to let just one person in on his old passion. Chris certainly never cared about it. He also didn’t mind asking Louis to give it up indefinitely after Nathan was born.

‘ _Alright, alright. You win,’_ Louis finally relents. ‘ _I’ve got photos and I guess I’ll let you see them_.’

_‘YES! THANK YOU!!! I’ve only been waiting for forever! It’s been eighty-four years.’_

_‘Okay, you’ve been waiting like, forty-eight hours tops,’_ Louis kindly reminds him _,_ suddenly feeling a bit nervous now that he’s meant to follow through with his promise _. ‘So, I’ve never really felt comfortable posting stuff for everyone to see like you do. I know that probably sounds like a dumb fear to someone like you.’_ It must. As far as Louis can tell, Harry is pretty fucking fearless. He even bullies complete strangers with Titanic quotes. It’s a playful, charming type of bullying though that Louis doesn’t really mind.

 _‘No, Louis. That’s not dumb at all,’_ Harry assures him _. ‘Putting yourself out there is scary for anybody, so only do it if you’re one-hundred percent okay with it. If you’re not then I completely understand._ ’

Honestly, Louis doesn’t know how he feels about sharing his photos with someone he considers such a hero, but at the end of the day, they’re just some old pictures so what’s the worst that could happen?

Louis makes a quick trip to the kitchen and returns with his camera in hand. He takes out the memory card and turns it over in his palm a few times, trying to remember what’s even saved on this one. There are hundreds he soon realizes after he inserts the card into his computer. Mostly, there are photos from his old job at the studio he used to work at, but there are also a lot of pictures that Louis took just for himself.

He checks through each folder to avoid sending Harry anything too cringe-worthy like the thirty different pictures he took of Nathan on his first day of school or the fifty he took when he got his first haircut. He has proudly captured all of his son’s firsts, but there’s no need to bombard Harry with them. Once Louis finishes reminiscing through that ocean of devastating cuteness he quickly scans through a smaller folder filled with shots that he deems more appropriate to let someone like Harry take a look at since there isn’t a single proud papa picture to be found.

‘ _We can’t all be genius photographers, so don’t judge too harshly_ ,’ he warns before attaching the entire folder and hitting send.

Once it’s gone, Louis tries to busy himself with the laundry again so he isn’t stressing out about what Harry thinks of his shots but the minutes that tick by without either of them saying anything are nerve-wracking. He doesn’t even know why he cares about Harry’s opinion. It’s not like he even takes real shots anymore. Everything he just gave Harry is from before Chris and before Nathan was even born. That feels like a whole life-time ago.

He’s finished folding everything on the bed and neurotically arranging it all into neat stacks by the time his anxiety gets the better of him and he has to message Harry first.

‘NOW you stop talking? _Dear god_ _say something. I’m losing it_.’ Harry starts typing soon after that which Louis _thought_ he wanted to happen, but now he’s not so sure. ‘ _Actually,_ _nevermind. I take it back. I don’t want to know. I’d rather not know. Don’t tell me. Or, tell me, but not if it’s going to make me want to fling myself off a bridge.’_

Harry starts typing again and Louis feels his chest slowly locking up from nerves. _‘Really? But I’m giving you all the good news first!’_ Harry types back.

The _good_ news, implying that there is also _bad_ news to go along with it. He shouldn’t be surprised. In a way, Louis guesses he asked for this nightmare by messaging him today and essentially egging Harry on, but no review of some fancy camera that Louis could never afford is worth having your idol tell you that you suck. Louis is totally going to have to fling himself off a bridge.

‘ _So_ , _the good news is that you are AMAZING which, I for one, am so excited to say because you had me worried for a moment there with how shy you were being. I didn’t know what to expect, but seriously, Louis, I am so impressed with you. Everything you shoot has this sort of classic/vintage feel about it but it’s not contrived like other people’s work. Like, I don’t feel like I’m looking at something that’s trying to be something that it’s not or like it’s been staged to appear a certain way if that makes sense? And even though I wasn’t the person behind the camera, I feel like I’m seeing things the way you saw them which is kind of the whole point of doing this in the first place. I don’t know what you were so scared of.’_

Louis releases the very large breath he didn’t even realize he was holding.

Harry doesn’t think he sucks. He actually thinks Louis has some _talent_ , but that’s just what Louis has gathered from the positive side of his critique. He still may very well have to find a tall bridge to dive from after Harry gets around to the negatives of his photography.

 _‘Harry, that means so much coming from you. Really,’_ Louis tells him because it does. It’s like a dream come true to know that Harry thinks so highly of something he’s done. ‘ _Is there anything else? Anything bad?’_

Louis holds his breath again but it all just comes rushing out as a booming laugh when Harry answers him.

‘ _Oh, God, I nearly forgot about that part. So, the bad news is that I now feel sorry for the rest of the world because I’m the only one who has gotten to see all of this brilliance!’_ he sends _. ‘I completely take back what I said about the community before. Fuck them. Finder’s keepers, losers can fuck off. Please carry on being the selfish little talent-hoarder that you are who only shares his genius with me, you’re newest and biggest fan.’_

‘ _I am not a talent-hoarder,’_ Louis tells him for a second time _. ‘I’m just not a real photographer. I haven’t even been close to being one in years. These are all old shots.’_

 _‘Yeah, so maybe it’s time for you to go out and take some new ones,’_ Harry says like it’s as easy as just picking up his camera and deciding to be _that_ Louis again.

‘ _Yeah. Maybe_ ,’ Louis types after a while even though he knows that’s impossible. He hardly even leaves the house anymore unless it’s to run errands or sneak off to see Liam and most days he can’t even do that because it’ll start an argument. His marriage has been hanging on by a thread for years and Louis’ life is just so different from how it used to be.

Unfortunately, Louis is different too. He still doesn’t know when exactly that happened.

Neither of them says anything for a while so Louis assumes their little chat is over. He’s just about to close his laptop when Harry starts typing again.

‘ _Your photos are truly beautiful and you’re so much better than you think you are, Louis. I just wanted to say that in case no one else ever has_.’ Louis blinks at his screen, unsure of what to make of a relative stranger saying that to him or how weirdly proud it makes him feel to hear it. ‘ _Also, the D4 shoots like dream, mate, but I’m afraid that’s a story for tomorrow because I have to go.’_

Tomorrow? Louis chuckles at his forwardness, realizing that Harry’s confident as well as a little shit.

‘ _Well, I’m glad we came to that great decision together. I’ll just pencil you into my calendar. How does bright and early at nine a.m. sound?_ ’ Louis types, wondering when Harry decided that these little chats between them should happen daily.

‘ _Great, but_ _let’s make it twelve during my break? I’ve got a client scheduled first thing but then my afternoon is wide open!’_ Harry sends, wiping the dumb smirk right off Louis’ face.

He thinks Harry might actually be serious.

*

As it turns out, Harry was completely serious and he’s been serious every day this week. Louis had originally raised an eyebrow at that sort of consistency, but now he quite looks forward to Harry badgering him into sending him old shots from the past after Louis has spent an appropriate amount of time obsessing over Harry’s shots as well.

Having Harry to talk to while he’s avoiding real people who _actually_ know him has been nice, but those real people that Louis hasn’t seen in weeks are people who love him and care about him a great deal, so naturally they start worrying when they realize how long it has been since someone has physically laid eyes on him.

His mother thinks something is terribly wrong so she keeps calling his best friend to make sure Louis isn’t lying when he assures her everything is fine, and Liam is so convinced that Louis’ full of shit that he has threatened to come over every day for the last week. Louis’ bruises are pretty much nonexistent by now, so eventually Louis _has_ to go visit one of them to prove that he isn’t dead, a hermit, or hiding something from them. Liam is the closest and also the easiest of the two to appease so Louis decides to start there with an incredibly overdue lunch date.

It’s the first time he’s going to be missing one of his and Harry’s photography chats, but the afternoon is the only time he can go see his friend without Chris finding out and then going off on one of his infamous rants about the company he chooses to keep.

The weather is much warmer than it was the last time he saw Liam, so he definitely can’t get away with wearing his denim jacket again or any of the various hoodies he’s been living in whenever he has to go out.

Liam will know something is up if he walks into that café covered up, so he chooses a t-shirt instead and hopes Liam doesn’t look too closely at the faded yellowish tint still lingering along certain parts of his neck. He’s hoping it won’t even be noticeable in the sun and if it is, maybe Liam will be so glad to see him that he doesn’t even notice.

So, Liam definitely notices.

All the hope Louis had about Liam overlooking his healing injury and of this lunch being a success flies out the window as soon as he walks into the café expecting a big hug of welcome and instead receives the single worst lecture Liam has ever given him in his life. It’s so bad that Louis doesn’t even try to calm him down. He just sits there and takes it and regrets not toughing it out with another blistering hoodie.

“How long?” Liam demands after the fifteen-minute speech he just gave detailing all the ways he’s going to murder his husband in cold blood when he leaves this café. “Fucking answer me, Louis. When did this happen?”

He looks at Louis’ neck again and his mouth turns down into a grimace like he can barely stomach seeing it that way. Louis knows why he’s asking. He wants to know how much worse it looked before it got to this stage of recovery. He’s too ashamed to say that what Chris did to him bruised him so badly that he’s been trying to hide it for weeks.

“It-It’s been a little while, but it doesn’t matter, Li. I’m fine as you can see.”

“Stop saying that! This is _not_ fine. I don’t think you understand just how far from fine this is!” he barks out. “He could’ve _killed_ you, Louis. You could’ve _died_.”

He’s right, and no one knows that better than Louis. Liam wasn’t the one who was scared for his life as he lay there suffocating in his own bed. But, the fact is that Chris _didn’t_ kill him. Louis _didn’t_ die, so really this whole conversation is a moot point. It’s in the past.

“He was drunk, Li. He didn’t-” Louis stops when he sees Liam’s fists tightening on top of their table. His veins have been angrily protruding since the moment they sat down and if Louis finishes that sentence they may very well explode.

“ _Louis_ ,” he grits out. “I swear to God if you tell me right now that he didn’t _mean_ to hurt you…”

“I-I wasn’t.” Except, he _was_ because it’s not like Chris came home that night with the intention of harming him. “I’m just saying it was an accident is all. A horrible one, yes, but…”

“But nothing!” Liam shouts. “How can you be this oblivious, Lou, after he does this shit to you over and over again!”

“But he’s _not_ going to do it again! We’ve barely even seen each other since it fucking happened!” Louis snaps in defense. Liam narrows his eyes at him in suspicion which makes Louis wish he hadn’t said anything at all. Why can’t their lunch dates ever go the way they’re supposed to?

“Why not?” Liam asks carefully. “Where’s he been all this time instead of in jail where he belongs?” he scoffs.

“Li, please,” he begs because the answer to Liam’s question is way more embarrassing than the yellow marks around his neck. “Let’s talk about you instead,” he tries. “Tell me all about your new girlfriend. Emily, right?” he grins because his tongue feels heavy with guilt each time he opens his mouth to tell Liam that his husband hasn’t had the chance to hurt him again because he spends all of his free time with someone else. The truth must be written all over his face though, because he doesn’t even have to say it. Liam does it for him.

“He’s cheating isn’t he?”

Hearing it said aloud isn’t quite as painful as Louis thought it would be. Maybe he’s just been building it all up in his head.

“Is it cheating if he’s technically already been caught? I think now he’s just openly exploring other options,” Louis jokes and his best friend’s eyes turn even sadder. Louis clears his throat after his failed attempt at lightening the mood. “I know. It’s not funny. Sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing? _He’s_ the one who should be apologizing every day of his fucking life for what he’s put you through. Louis, you and Nathan don’t have to put up with being treated this way. You can _leave_ him. You _should_ leave him. Your mum and I can even help you do it, Lou. Just say the word and you know we’re there. There’s no reason you have to stay.”

When Liam sounds this desperate to get him away from Chris it almost makes Louis want to take him up on the offer. He can’t say it hasn’t crossed his mind a few times when things have gotten really bad, but Louis could never actually do it. His son deserves both of his parents in his life. Nathan shouldn’t have to suffer just because he and Chris can’t figure their shit out. And although their marriage has seen better days, Louis can’t imagine just giving up on it. They promised each other forever, and yes, it’s hard right now, but that doesn’t mean it’ll stay that way. Relationships can be hard but they change all the time. His and Chris’ can only get better from here. It has to.

*

There’s a new message waiting for him when he gets home. He’s exhausted after having to defend all of his recent life choices but knowing he has at least one friend to talk to besides the one who’s disappointed in him yet again makes Louis feel worlds better.

‘ _Your top three photos you’re most proud of. Go_.’

Louis glances at the time. He still has a whole hour to kill before he has to pick up Nathan. He fondly rolls his eyes because he told Harry he wouldn’t be available this afternoon, though he’s kind of glad Harry didn’t listen as he lies back on the sofa with his laptop and starts scrolling through all of his favorites as requested.

He finds the black and white shot of an old gothic church that he used to be obsessed with over on the other side of town where his mother lives, and another of the Scottish countryside that he visited once on a school trip. Louis’ in love with both photos and always has been, so those two were easy picks.

Harry told him to choose the ones he’s most proud of, so naturally, his third pick is a shot of Nathan. It’s from over three years ago and shows his son laughing his head off in Louis and Chris’ bed instead of napping like Louis had been trying to make him do all that day. Eventually, Louis got tired of fighting a losing battle with a toddler so he stopped trying and broke out the camera instead to capture his son being so adorably stubborn. Nathan’s blue eyes are so crinkled in the photo that they’re practically closed, melting Louis’ heart as much as they did three years ago when all Louis could do is laugh with him and think how lucky he is.

He hasn’t mentioned his son to Harry yet, but he can’t possibly choose his top three favorite photos _without_ including one of him. Louis sends them without any context hoping Harry won’t mind some of Louis’ personal life leaking over into their chats.

He doesn’t. Or at least, he doesn’t seem to when he answers back. ‘ _These are gorgeous, Louis. I can see why you love them so much. The shot of the hills in the countryside is so amazing I want a print of it.’_

Louis can feel a little flame of pride spark inside his chest from Harry’s positive response, though it’s not like he expected anything less. Harry is always so wonderful about his work.

‘ _Who’s the little guy?_ ’ Harry asks before Louis can thank him for his kind words. _‘He looks like he was having a good time,_ ’ he teases. _‘He’s cute.’_

The little flame of pride grows even bigger hearing someone else confirm that Nathan is in fact the cutest kid on the planet.

‘ _Thanks, mate :) That’s actually my son, Nathan.’_ Louis glances at the picture of him again and laughs at the memory. _‘He was actually quite a handful that day. Couldn’t be bothered to do a single thing besides giggle_.’

‘ _Aww. Well, at least he had fun that day while making your life a living hell_.’

Louis chuckles at the joke though he never really minded Nathan being a handful. If he’s honest, he quite misses those long days they spent together.

‘ _I have more recent photos of him. Hold on,_ ’ Louis types as he scrolls though his massive collection and picks about a dozen more to send. Louis realizes he may have gotten a little too excited when the files take a whole minute to go through, but Harry replies right after he receives them and tells him once again how adorable Nathan is and also how great Louis is at capturing his bright energy.

‘ _Since we’re kid-bragging_ , _I have a son as well_ ,’ Harry says, taking Louis by complete surprise. He’s been following Harry’s blog for years and has never once seen a photo of a child or of Harry for that matter. ‘ _He’s actually right here next to me. One second,_ ’ Harry tells him.

Before Louis knows it, his computer screen produces a small window in the right-hand corner that alerts him to an incoming video call. It’s a feature of the website that Louis has never used so he accepts it with caution, cackling out loud when an image of a man holding a black cat up to the camera appears.

“Hii! This is Oscar!” Harry smiles as he presents his ‘child’ who is currently trying to escape from his arms.

“He’s lovely, however, I was expecting him to look a bit more… human?” Louis snorts at Harry’s attempts to keep him still.

“Are you trying to say I have an ugly son?” Harry deadpans.

“No, no, of course not. Look at you two. What big startled green eyes you both have,” Louis teases, noting Oscar’s clear desire to return to his state of lounging around. “I can _totally_ see the resemblance. He definitely takes after you.”

“Thanks,” Harry beams. “And Nathan takes after you too. You’re both unfairly handsome.”

“Er- Oh.” Louis feels the apples of his cheeks heat up at the compliment. “Thanks,” he says, feeling a weird sense of guilt for enjoying the way Harry’s currently grinning at him. Louis clears his throat as he awkwardly picks at his nails where Harry can’t see. When he looks up again, Harry is still watching him with bright eyes.

“I, uh…I should probably mention that Nathan gets his light hair from his other dad. From Chris. My husband,” he clarifies, wondering if Chris ever had this conversation before diving headfirst into a relationship separate from theirs. Probably not, but Louis would feel weird _not_ mentioning him when someone who looks like Harry is obviously attracted to him. It’s clear that Chris doesn’t feel that same sense of loyalty towards _him_ , but he’s still an important part of Louis’ life.

Harry grins good-naturedly and nods in recognition after Louis seamlessly weaves his husband in-between them. “Uh, yeah, I know. I think I saw him in the last batch of photos you sent. There’s one of him and Nathan sleeping. He was wearing a ring and their hair is almost identical so I kind of figured it out.”

“Shit. Did I really send that one?” Louis scrolls over the photos he sent and sees the very one that Harry just mentioned accidentally lumped in with all the others. It was a while ago. Way before Chris stopped wearing his ring, but it was such a rare, sweet moment between him and Nathan that Louis couldn’t resist snapping a few dozen shots. “Sorry about that.”

“No, don’t apologize. I didn’t mind at all,” says the kind-looking man who is able to pet Oscar now that he isn’t squirming around as much. “You have a beautiful family. I still think Nathan looks like you though.”

“Well, he definitely has my eyes,” Louis agrees. “Chris’ are brown.”

“He has your eyes and your nose. Your smile. Everything really.”

Louis can’t tell if Harry is still flirting with him when he offers Louis another dimpled grin or if Harry simply looks this charming all the time. Something tells Louis that lots of people have this problem.

“So, uh, it’s a bit strange to talk to you and actually _see_ you,” Louis says to move the focus away from himself. “It’s disappointing to know I haven’t been getting catfished all this time. I was quite looking forward to my MTV debut.”

The sound of Harry’s bright laugh is enchanting to say the least as he finally puts Oscar down. He pushes pieces of his dark wavy hair away from his eyes and back into place where it’s nearly curled behind his ears.

“I’m afraid I’m not actually a vintage camera as my blog avatar would suggest, so unfortunately, you’re stuck with the real me.”

“Yeah, but that’s not _so_ bad,” Louis shrugs. “I think the real you is quite lovely.”

This time, it’s Harry’s cheeks that take on a peculiar rosy shade. Louis didn’t mean it in the way that Harry obviously took it, but he doesn’t really feel the need to correct the mistake since it’s harmless.

The two of them grin at each other until Louis realizes that he’s blushing again under Harry’s gaze too. He changes the subject so his stomach will stop the annoying fluttering sensation it’s currently undergoing.

“So, where are you right now if you don’t mind me asking?” Louis had figured he’d still be at work at this hour but Harry seems to be in a kitchen somewhere.

“I’m home for lunch at the moment,” Harry answers. “Or, I guess this could technically be work still since my studio is just downstairs. I don’t have to walk very far to get to either place. It’s the best of both worlds.”

“How convenient.”

“Yeah, it is actually. My clients always enjoy having a quiet nap with Oscar up here while I do all the hard work.”

“Wait, really?” Louis frowns.

“Of course not,” he frowns. “I just lock everyone in the darkroom instead. It’s much nicer for sleeping.”

Louis tries not to laugh quite so loud once he catches onto the joke, but it comes out as a loud cackle anyway. Thankfully, Harry doesn’t seem to mind as he laughs along.

“Maybe you shouldn’t advertise that if you’re to be a successful murder/photographer one day.”

“You’re probably right. I should take down all those fliers I made.”

Louis is left with a persistent grin after they both get control of their laughter.

“I’m really glad we got to talk like this,” Harry says after a slight lull in the conversation. “It’s been a lot of fun.”

Talking to Harry has been such a great distraction that Louis forgot all about the pathetic way he was feeling at lunch.

“Me too. I’m glad you flat-out ignored me when I said not today.” Today was the one time that Louis needed someone to talk to who wouldn’t judge him. He guesses what he really needed was a good friend and a good laugh.

*

Both Louis and Nathan snap their heads up at the sound of the front door opening at a mere five o’clock in the afternoon. Chris walks into the house with his work bag slung over his shoulder and Louis feels like he’s witnessing a miracle.

“Um, hi?” he says with a raise of his eyebrow when neither Louis or Nathan moves to welcome him.

“Er- Hi, there,” Louis answers back several beats too late. “Sorry. We weren’t expecting you this early.” They weren’t expecting him at all really. Louis stands up from the couch where he was helping Nathan with his homework to put Chris’ bag away and properly welcome him inside. “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah, you too,” Chris says as he accepts the kiss Louis presses to his jaw. “Did you cook?” he asks with a quick glance towards the kitchen.

Louis winces to himself as he prepares to give Chris the bad news. “I didn’t actually. I was going to just order a pizza or something since Nate’s football practice went so late today. But I can fix something really quick though,” he offers blinking in surprise when Chris waves him off with an easy shrug.

“No, no, that’s fine. Pizza sounds good. Um, I’ll order it. You keep helping Nathan.”

Chris gives their son’s shoulder a quick squeeze before walking to the kitchen to find the number for the delivery place leaving Louis and Nathan to stare after him with wide eyes.

“Wow. Daddy looks _really_ happy today,” his son comments.

“Yeah, he does,” Louis nods, wondering what must’ve happened for Chris to come home to them when he had all but moved out.

It’s later after dinner that Louis learns his husband’s motivation for being so agreeable. He comes up to Louis where he’s rinsing their plates at the sink and presses a kiss to his temple.

“Hi again,” Louis grins remembering how Chris used to do this every single day when they first got married. It’s been a while since it’s happened recently though; probably close to an entire year.

“Hey. Will you do me a favor?”

There’s something in his whispered tone that melts the nostalgia in Louis’ heart and puts him on edge. “Um, sure,” he answers back carefully. “What do you need?”

Chris takes his hands in his, looks into Louis’ eyes, and for a moment it feels like he’s bathing in the sun. A dark cloud moves in front of it a few seconds later eclipsing its warm rays when Chris nervously bites down on his bottom lip.

“There’s this case at work that everyone wants to be on. Roberts hasn’t chosen her team yet but she’s having this huge birthday party tonight and she’s always loved you, Louis, so I was thinking if you could come along as my date then…”

“Then _I_ can charm her into assigning you to the case?” Louis finishes. Chris’ eyes light up when he doesn’t have to explain any further.

“Yes! Exactly, Lou. I need you to use your superpowers and sway her a bit without her realizing it,” he beams. “You’ll do it right, babe? You’ll help me out?”

It’s not like Louis could really say no to him. For one thing, it would just start an unnecessary argument, and also, it’s impossible to deny his husband anything when he’s looking at Louis so fondly. 

“Of course I will,” Louis says, his words getting cut short when Chris kisses his lips with all the energy he’d pent up in anticipation of his answer. “What time is the party? We’ll have to find someone to watch Nate. And I’ll need to find something nice to wear.” Louis hasn’t had to dress up for an occasion in forever he wouldn’t even know where to start.

“Oh, we have plenty of time for all that,” Chris assures him. “It starts at eight but we don’t want to seem too eager. We’ll get there around nine.”

“O-Okay. I’ll see if I can find a babysitter then,” Louis says before he receives another excited kiss to his lips. Chris takes off towards their bedroom to shower and get changed with more energy than Louis has seen from him in months.

“You should call Liam!” his husband suggests over his shoulder. “Nathan loves sleepovers with his uncle.”

Louis can count on one hand the amount of times Chris has ever mentioned Liam’s name or referenced him as Nathan’s uncle without scowling. He must really want this case.

They drop Nathan off an hour later with his overnight bag and the promise of swinging by first thing in the morning to pick him up.

“First thing in the morning. I swear,” Louis repeats to his best friend who hasn’t stopped glaring over Louis’ shoulder at Chris sitting behind the wheel of the car across the street.

“You know you and Nate are welcome to stay here anytime for as long as you both want. It’s _him_ I have the problem with,” he grumbles under his breath so Nathan can’t hear. “I can’t believe you agreed to go anywhere with that arsehole.

“I know, but I’ll be fine, Li. It’s just a dumb party- And _whoa!_ Where’d you get all of that?” Louis pastes a smile on his face when Nathan comes running up with an armful of junk food he just stole out of Liam’s kitchen. “Don’t let him rot his teeth out all at once, alright?” Louis jokes before hugging his friend tight around the shoulders. He grins when Liam squeezes him back twice as hard as always.

“You text me the moment you two get home. I don’t care what time it is,” he whispers before letting Louis go. “I mean it, Lou. Promise me.”

“Jesus, _dad_. Calm down,” Louis teases. “Sure thing. I promise,” he says before he ducks down to kiss Nathan goodbye one more time.

Chris turns to him once he’s back in the car. “That took a while,” he comments. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah. Everything’s great,” Louis grins as he buckles himself back in. “Liam’s got Nate and all of his stuff so we’re ready to go.”

“You’re sure you can do this, right?” he asks instead of putting the car in drive like Louis expected. Chris has been in a pretty great mood since he convinced Louis to come out with him, but now his expression shows signs of nerves.

“Um, I- I’m going to try my best,” he whispers. That’s really all he can do, but the doubtful way that Chris looks at him takes a huge chunk out of his confidence. What if he can’t get Mrs. Roberts on Chris’ good side? Then what?

His husband lets out a long breath next to him before giving Louis’ leg a comforting squeeze. “Okay. I trust you. You’re going to be great.”

Louis sure hopes so.

As it turns out, they were both worried for nothing because Chris’ boss nearly barrels through her party guests and Chris for that matter in order to hug Louis hello as soon as she spots him.

“Louis! I haven’t seen you in ages!” she exclaims, making Louis laugh into the mess of blonde and grey curls cascading over her shoulders. “I’ve been asking that husband of yours to bring you around but I can’t get anyone to do a thing I say these days.”

“Somehow I really doubt that,” Louis says to erase the playful pout on her lips. “Happy Birthday, Gretchen. It’s really good to see you too.”

She rolls her eyes as she drags Louis over to the champagne table and hands him a tall flute. “I get older every day. What I don’t get to do is see you often enough and gossip about all the people my husband invited here who are just pretending to like me for the cake and the free booze,” she jokes. “Come on, I want to hear all about what you’ve been up to. Tell me all about little Nathan,” she demands.

“ _Big_ Nathan, more like. He turned five in January. I swear he grows more every day,” Louis chuckles before he takes a large swig of his drink. He follows Gretchen to the round table in the back of the room that she’s claimed for herself and her closest guests and he feels Chris’ eyes on him the whole time. Louis tries to shake the sudden wave of nerves he feels because in truth he is excited to have been invited somewhere for a change and get the opportunity to talk with his friend. He’s just concerned about what will happen if their conversation doesn’t produce the results that Chris wants.

By the end of the night, Gretchen is so drunk that she’s lost her heels and has asked Louis to unzip her dress half-way down so she can breathe. Louis’ face hurts from smiling and laughing so much at everything she says because she’s hilarious; always has been.

Gretchen thanks Louis for keeping her company all night and then thanks Chris for bringing her the best birthday gift she could ask for. She escorts them out the main entrance of her party like a good host but before they can leave she pulls Chris to the side for a quick chat. Her face is serious as she talks to him about something that’s obviously work-related. It’s difficult to tell what she’s saying, but his husband looks absolutely elated when they shake hands, so Louis isn’t left guessing for long.

“You fucking did it! I’m on the case!” he yells as soon as they’re back in the car. “Well, I’m on as long as I promise to bring you around more often,” he corrects himself, “But still, I fucking _knew_ you would pull through for me tonight! Thank you so, so much, Louis!” Chris surges forward to kiss him, making Louis laugh into his mouth from the force of it.

“You’re welcome. Congratulations, love,” Louis grins, happy that he could do this one thing right.

“God, you’re the best.”

Chris rarely says things like that to anyone. Hearing that kind of praise directed at Louis makes him feel so good.

When they pull up outside their house Chris smiles at him the way he used to when he first bought it for them. Before Nathan even. When it was just the two of them. It feels like he’s been transported back to that time when Chris’ lips easily find his in the dark.

“You did a great job, Lou. Thanks again,” he whispers.

“You’re more than welcome,” Louis grins against his lips.

“Alright then. I’ve got to go now, but I’ll see you later,” Chris grins back. It only takes a few seconds for Louis’ champagne-soaked brain to realize his husband just told him goodbye instead of suggesting they go inside.

“Y-You’re not coming up?”

“Well, I _would_ ,” he begins, “But I’d kind of like to celebrate and all that.”

The happy smile on his face fades just as quickly as Louis’ does when he pulls away from him.

“You say that like you wouldn’t rather celebrate here. With _me_ ,” Louis clarifies when Chris just blinks at him.  

Things had been going so well a moment ago and Chris has been away for so long that Louis just assumed they’d keep their impromptu date night rolling and spend tonight together. He guesses that’s what he gets for assuming or thinking that anything has changed.  

“Was- Was it something that I did?” Louis asks. “Did I fuck up? Did I do something wrong tonight?”

“No, babe. I already told you, you did a _fantastic_ job with Roberts. Brilliant. You did everything I asked. You should feel really proud of yourself,” he whispers. “It’s just that, well, I kind of already made _other_ plans for tonight…”

Louis feels his heart drop right into his stomach. Chris’ phone vibrates in his pocket, breaking the stunned silence hanging over the car.

“Shit. That’s actually him. Sorry,” Chris announces after a quick glance at his phone. Louis averts his eyes when he catches the name Dev as it flashes across his screen. He would’ve preferred to live the rest of his life without knowing his name at all.

“So, are you alright to let yourself in? I know you had a few drinks,” he adds like he actually gives a shit if Louis is too drunk to get into the house on his own. Louis could say something. He could get mad and shut this whole night down by picking a fight, but he’s already spent most of this month and last month hiding his skin under hoodies and long sleeves. It’s not even worth the argument if _that’s_ what he has to go back to.

“ _Lou._ Are you good?” Chris asks, impatience starting to creep back into his voice now that Louis isn’t kissing his arse.

“Sure,” Louis answers in a voice void of all the excitement he was feeling just minutes ago before Chris ruined it. Before Chris allowed _Dev_ to ruin it. “I’m fine. I’ll be alright.”

“Excellent,” Chris beams, pressing a new kiss to Louis’ jaw and paying no attention to how shitty he just made Louis feel. “Goodnight. Oh, and you’re getting Nate tomorrow, right?”

“Right.”

“That’s perfect, babe. I’ll see you later then. Love you.”

Everything Louis wants to say is buried under all the layers of disbelief weighing him down as his husband taps his thumbs against the steering wheel as Louis gets out of the car. He waves as he drives off which is actually a lot more than Louis was expecting from how anxious he was to leave. He figured Chris wouldn’t even look back.

He lets himself inside their house but he doesn’t know where to go next.

For several minutes he just stands there trying to figure out how he became such a human doormat. Never in his wildest dreams did he see himself being that person whose husband hurts him and manipulates him the way Chris does. Liam would be disappointed to hear it, but Louis could eventually forgive the lying and all the cheating if it were just that. At this point, he’d happily take a short-lived affair in exchange for not being scared shitless of the person he’s married to.

Louis has never felt more alone than when he drags himself out of the doorway and just starts walking. He ends up at the kitchen table of all places after walking by Nathan’s empty room and feeling a pang of guilt for sending him away for the night. He can’t believe he really thought Chris would want to spend time together.

He misses Nathan even though he’s only a few blocks away, but it’s much too late to pick him up now, and besides that, Louis has been drinking so he shouldn’t drive. He also shouldn’t use his son to mend his wounds and fix all his broken hearts either but he doesn’t have anyone else.

Somehow, he remembers his earlier promise to Liam and digs out his phone. He sends a text to let him know he made it home okay and is surprised when Liam answers back right away despite the late hour.

‘ _That’s great to hear! I’m glad you got back safely. I know it was technically a work thing for Chris, but did you have a good time at least? He was decent?’_

 _‘Yeah, it was actually really fun. I’m exhausted though.’_ Louis contemplates telling his best friend about what happened at the end of the night but decides against it on the off chance that it becomes another thrilling chapter in the _I told you_ _so_ chronicles. _‘Chris is tired too. He’s lying next to me already asleep,’_ he lies because at this point it’s better than telling the truth.

_‘Nathan fell asleep around ten. I think it was the sugar crash that eventually did him in. But don’t worry. He’s still got the majority of all his teeth. I counted.’_

Louis wishes he could’ve been there with them. He blinks a few times to stop the wet, stinging feeling behind his eyes from getting any worse.

‘ _Thanks for looking after him_. _I’ll be there first thing. Kiss him for me?’_

_‘Already did. Have a good night! See you tomorrow!’_

Louis places his phone down on the table and lets himself feel all the things he can never say flood out of him in a rush of hot tears. He cries until his eyes burn and he still doesn’t feel any better. He doesn’t even know why he’s this upset. It’s not like he expected Chris to suddenly want to change or fix them, but he’d just been so convincing earlier and somehow Louis falls for it every time. He doesn’t know how much longer he can do this.

Lately, whenever he’s feeling down talking to Harry usually picks him right back up. He’s so easy to talk to. Harry also has the uncanny ability to make Louis laugh, and most importantly, to make him forget. It’s only a temporary fix of course; a brief intermission from his real life but it’s better than sitting here feeling like he’s drowning.

Unfortunately, he gets the exact outcome he was expecting at this hour when he digs his laptop out from beneath the sink. His question of whether or not Harry is awake goes unopened and unanswered for more than ten minutes so Louis knows for sure that Harry is sleeping.

It sucks because Louis was really hoping to talk to him. About anything, _everything_ so long as it would make his head a bit quieter.

‘ _So, you’re definitely in bed and now I feel bad for almost waking you up haha. Sorry to bother you so late. Ignore me. Have a good night_.’

*

Louis wakes up to the sun shining through his bedroom window and the sound of his laptop chiming beside him on the bed. He fell asleep with it last night after going through all of Harry’s photos again for the millionth time. He wasn’t able to talk to Harry last night to take his mind off of things so stalking out his blog was the next best thing he could think of. However, the constant dinging sound of his computer lets him know that Harry is wide awake and ready to talk now.

‘ _Hey. Sorry I missed you. I just saw this when I woke up. Was everything alright last night?’_

Louis doesn’t exactly know how to answer that question without sounding like he’s whining or sounding like a complete mental case for trying to drunkenly confide in someone at one in the morning. He starts deleting the half-constructed response he was just typing when he realizes how dumb it’s going to sound saying he just wanted to talk that late when they never have before.

 _‘You’re awake right? Because it says you’re online and typing,’_ Harry sends, ‘ _Aaaand now it says you’ve stopped_.’

Louis removes his hands from the keyboard so it’ll stop telling Harry every fucking move that he makes. Within seconds the square video screen appears out of the right-hand corner, imploring Louis to accept Harry’s call. He does, regretting it the moment he realizes he’s still in his button down from last night and he still doesn’t have a plan of what to say.

“I knew you were awake and reading my messages,” Harry grins when the video connects. “Good morning!”

Louis tries to say it back just as enthusiastically but the words come out strained. “Sorry. Good morning,” he repeats after clearing his throat. Harry’s green eyes soften at the soft rasp still audible in his voice.

“Still tired I guess?”

Louis guesses he must look like shit. He sure felt like it after he got home. “Uh, yeah. Kind of. I had a party thing with Chris that went late, but I’m alright,” Louis says, managing a small grin.

“And…are you still upset?” Harry asks after a while. “About whatever was bothering you?” he clarifies when Louis feels himself flush red. It feels as though he’s staring right through Louis as his cheeks heat up to give him away.

“I- No. I wasn’t upset.” Louis shakes his head in denial. “Just had a long night is all,” he explains. “I wasn’t upset. I’m fine.”

“Oh,” Harry nods at Louis’ quick cover, but his eyes don’t entirely lose that look of concern. “Nevermind then. I just- I figured you might’ve been a little bit,” he shrugs in apology. “You sort of look like you’ve been crying? Your eyes kind of do anyway, but, you did say you had a long night.”

Louis glances at himself reflected back from his webcam for the first time and notices how red and mysteriously puffy he looks from his nose up. He looks like he’s been crying for years. No wonder Harry’s looking at him like fractured glass that’s about to break.

“You’d tell me, right? If you weren’t fine?” Harry says after Louis rubs at his eyes and only succeeds in making them look worse. He doesn’t know what the hell he was thinking allowing Harry to see him like this. “Because, if you ever are upset about something and you do want to talk or not talk, I’m here. Living in your laptop.”

Louis laughs for the first time in hours and it feels so good. This is the exact kind of magic he wanted to feel last night. “Er- Thanks?” Louis teases. “That’s more creepy than reassuring, but I’ll keep it in mind.”

“Great,” Harry smiles. “So, how was the big party thing you got all dressed up for? Any fun?”

Louis wants to be able to say the same things he said to Liam and tell Harry that his night with Chris was amazing, but it’s harder to lie when Harry is staring right at his red-ringed eyes and his wrinkled outfit from last night. He opens his mouth several times to try and give a believable response, but this time, none of his wonderful tales come out.

There’s a soft grin of understanding on Harry’s lips when Louis looks up from picking at his nails.

“…This could be a moment where we could just _not_ talk about it if you want,” he offers. “Because we can totally do that.”

Not talking about it would be perfect he decides as he gives a quick nod. That way, he can go ahead and start forgetting last night even happened.

“You know what we should talk about instead of boring party things. _Food_ ,” Harry announces with a nostalgic rub over his stomach. “ _Breakfast_ food.”

“Alright then,” Louis snorts. “Deal. I’m starving.”

“I think I could really go for some pancakes right now. _No_. Homemade French toast,” he hums. “With strawberries and syrup on top.”

“I’m more of a powdered sugar man myself,” Louis shrugs. “I don’t really get to have French toast that often though. I’m not that talented of a chef and Nathan has an allergy to eggs so.”

“That’s unfortunate. My son loves eggs,” Harry smirks. “And cat-nip. He’s a big fan of that.”

“Watch out. I hear cat-nip can be a gateway herb.”

“I know. I’m sure he’ll be onto oregano soon enough,” Harry sighs, making them both snort aloud.

“You’re ridiculous. You know that, yeah?”

“Yeah, I know. But you’re laughing and smiling again so I don’t mind so much.”

Louis glances at his reflection again and notices the happy differences between his face now and ten minutes ago. He was so busy not thinking about Chris that he hadn’t even noticed.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis’ phone vibrates, making him sport an ear-splitting grin while he’s deciding whether to buy Nathan his regular frosted rice krispies or if he should branch out this week and get chocolate. He puts his great decision on hold to check his phone, laughing when the first thing he sees is a photo of Harry’s cat looking particularly grumpy while swathed in a fuzzy blanket.

‘ _So_ , _is there a specific reason why you’re torturing poor Oscar today?’_

 _‘Well, he’s just so cute,’_ Harry sends in response. _‘And he looked a bit chilly to me.’_

 _‘He has fur and it’s boiling outside.’_ Louis knows because he’s currently hiding his arms under a lightweight jacket as per usual.

_‘But he loves being cuddled though. He told me so.’_

Louis glances at the picture again and thinks back to the hundreds of other flat-faced Oscar photos he’s had the pleasure of viewing on Harry’s Instagram and laughs. _‘Oh, yeah, of course he does, mate. I can see it in his eyes and the way he’s gone all limp with distress.’_

He’s almost positive that got a laugh out of Harry when he types for a long time before finally sending something that turns out to be just one word.

_‘Rude.’_

_‘Truth hurts, Styles.’_

Louis is still smiling when he gives up trying to make sound parenting choices and tosses both boxes of cereal into his basket. It’s nice to have variety. Nathan will appreciate it.

_‘Shit. I have a client coming in soon so I have to go for a bit. Call you after?’_

‘ _Yeah, sure. Go be a grand photographer. Talk to you soon_ ,’ Louis sends just as he’s walking up to go pay for all his groceries.

It’s been nice having Harry living in his pocket as well as in his laptop now that he’s given Louis his phone number along with half a dozen other ways to contact him if he needs. Louis had teased him initially for all the cats, tea mugs, and selfies Harry posts on his ever-entertaining Instagram, but in truth, Louis thinks he’s as much a fan of Harry’s personal photos as he is of his professional ones on his website and blog. He’s learned so many new things about Harry just from seeing what he deems worthy of posting to social media like the fact that he’s had the same two best friends since he was a kid called Niall and Zayn. He also has an older sister named Gemma and a beautiful niece named Amelia who’s around Nathan’s age and looks just as sweet.

Harry has followed Louis on Instagram too even though Louis warned him he was basically signing on for an endless flood of cute kid pics that haven’t been updated in forever. So far, Harry hasn’t teased him for it but he did go through all two-hundred of his posts to like them and even leave comments on the ones he loved the most. Louis assumed he was just returning the favor for all the nice things he’s said about Harry’s photos over the years, but Harry assured him he was only giving praise and credit where it’s due.

Chris comes home early that afternoon which puts Louis on high alert because the last time that happened Louis ended up crying himself to sleep alone in their bed. This time isn’t like that though, mostly because Louis has taught himself not to care.

He doesn’t even blink when Chris announces that the big case Louis earned him is taking him and the rest of the legal team away for the weekend. He comes in to pack his things (or more accurately, explain what he intends to wear during his work trip while Louis packs his things since he’s terrible at it), tries to make up for the fresh bruise he put on Louis’ arm a few days ago with an apology that’s much too late, and then leaves to go save the world one uncovered case file at a time.

It’s the quickest goodbye Louis’ ever experienced, and for that Louis is glad. The faster the farewell, the faster Louis can go back to raising his son like a single father which is how it feels the majority of the time. Nathan rarely even asks about him anymore. He must’ve realized the answer is never going to change.

Harry has called him a couple of times since grocery shopping, but Louis was busy picking Nathan up from school and then quietly blowing his husband in their bedroom so he’d hurry up and leave without a fuss.

His phone starts vibrating again in the middle of trying to decide what to cook and yelling for Nathan to put his school things away in his room where they belong. Louis glances at it expecting to see Harry’s number but it turns out to be his mother’s instead with a very ominous, ‘ _Aren’t you forgetting something or someONE, dear? Six o’clock? :)’_

It takes a whole minute of frowning before Louis remembers his promise from a few days ago to let Nathan spend the weekend with her.

‘ _Nope. I haven’t forgotten. We’re just running behind. See you soon!’_

‘ _Can’t wait to see you both!_ ’ she sends.

Louis swears under his breath as he shuts the refrigerator. He had forgotten completely and now he’s got to get Nathan packed and to his mother’s house so she doesn’t notice that he’s full of shit.

“Er- Okay, Nate, new plan. We’re going to your grandmother’s,” Louis shouts, receiving an excited ‘ _yes!’_ in response. At least someone’s excited about this quick turn of events.

He’s not sure how he did it but he managed to turn a thirty-minute trip into a fifteen minute one and had Nathan waiting on his mother’s doorstep by six-forty. It’s quiet now that he’s back home with Chris gone and now Nathan too. He flops down on the sofa wondering what the hell he’s supposed to do for an entire weekend by himself when he remembers all the times today that he was too busy to answer Harry.

And well, he has plenty of time now.

_‘Sorry I missed you earlier. What are you doing?’_

_‘Trying to decide which of my nice shirts says, ‘Congrats on your elopement. Now say cheese,’ more. The wedding’s done but I still want to look professional, you know?’_

Along with Louis’ promise to let Nathan and his mother spend time together, he also forgot about Harry’s big belated reception gig that he’s mentioned a few times over the past week. ‘ _Wear yellow_.’

‘ _Why?_ _Because it’s the color of cheese?_ ’

‘ _Precisely :)_ ’

Louis kicks off his shoes and settles further into the sofa. He has nothing to do for the next forty-eight hours but take care of himself so he doesn’t plan on moving any time soon.

 _‘I definitely think yellow makes a statement, but perhaps too bold of one since my job as the photographer is to be virtually invisible?’_ Harry jokes. ‘ _What are you up to?’_

 _‘Nothing at all. Chris is gone for work. Nate’s with his grandparents. I’ve been abandoned,’_ Louis teases back.

 _‘You should come here then. I could use a good assistant. The guest list for this thing is over two-hundred.’_ Louis chuckles at the thought until Harry sends another message that makes it seem like he’s serious. _‘The party will have already started, but you’d only miss about thirty minutes if you leave now. Or not,’_ he backtracks after his offer is met with radio silence _. ‘It’s totally up to you.’_

That actually doesn’t sound half bad if it were possible. Louis can’t just pick up and drive to Cheshire on a whim though. Can he? He shouldn’t is the thing. And besides that, he’d only slow Harry down. He’s the professional after all.

_‘Thanks for the invite and your unfailing confidence in my skills, but unfortunately I don’t think I’d be much of an assistant to you.’_

‘ _Are you kidding? You’d be great! Loads more help than when my other friends help out since you’re actually into photography. Niall and Zayn just snap pictures of everything they see so by the end of the night I’m left with five-million pointless shots of the gift table and a bunch of selfies. SO many selfies. They’re both busy tonight though, so thankfully I won’t have to babysit them.’_

Louis isn’t sure what to say to that. He’s kind of a photographer he guesses, and even if he isn’t, he does have a photography background. From Doncaster to Cheshire is only a little over an hour. If Harry really needs an extra hand it’s not like Louis doesn’t have the time to drive down and help him out.

 _‘You’d be doing me a huge favor, but I understand if you can’t,’_ Harry assures him when Louis still hasn’t given an answer.

‘ _Promise me you won’t hate me if my pictures turn out like shit?’_

_‘That would literally never happen, but, sure. I promise.’_

That makes Louis feel slightly better. At least if he fucks up his gig there won’t be any hard feelings.

 _‘So…?”_ Harry asks _. “Do I officially have an amazingly talented and wonderful new assistant for the evening????’_

Louis rolls his eyes at Harry’s shameless flattery that’s completely working in his favor.

 _‘What’s the address to our venue?’_ he asks after giving the offer more consideration. Really it’s just hard to say no to the man. Louis fondly rolls his eyes again when he gets back a string of celebration emojis from successfully wearing Louis down along with the address he asked for.

‘ _When are you leaving?_ ’

‘ _Soon-ish? I’ll need to change. No yellow. I know. And I’m guessing I’ll need to grab my camera_.’ Louis doesn’t know what else he’ll need to bring. He’s never done a party this big.

_‘Perfect! Thanks so much for your help. And I’ve got equipment covered so don’t worry about it. And also, I’m sure you look amazing as always, Lou, so don’t stress. See you soon!’_

Louis realizes he’s wasting a lot of time by blushing and blinking at his phone the way that he is. _‘See you soon,’_ he types back before forcing himself up and into action to go over think about his wardrobe instead of the weird things his stomach does whenever Harry unintentionally makes it flip.

*

Louis pulls up to the venue under a row of tall trees with lights wrapped around their trucks. He hadn’t been sure he was going to the right place when his GPS took him past all the buildings in town that looked like they could hold a reception of over two-hundred. It seems the couple chose the easiest way to ensure they had room for everyone by having it outside instead. Kind of like they chose the easier way to get married in the first place by simply eloping with just the two of them.

The car comes to a stop behind all the others that are parked along the dirt path leading into the party that looks to be in full swing. Louis pulls out his phone to let Harry know that he’s here and then releases a deep breath so he isn’t so fucking nervous.

Technically, he’s never met Harry before even though lately he feels like one of Louis’ closest friends. They’ve been talking every day and laughing at each other’s jokes for weeks now. In a way it’s all quite exciting. Louis just didn’t want to tell Harry that over the phone in case he hasn’t been looking forward to this moment quite as much as him.

A couple of minutes pass before his phone vibrates in his hand.

‘ _Okay. Be right out.’_

Louis watches the tree line near the huge white banner that reads ‘ _Congrats, Mr. and Mrs. Will Danenger_ ’ along with the couple’s wedding date from two weeks ago, his anticipation only growing the longer it takes Harry to leave the party and come find him. The wind keeps blowing the leaves making Louis think he’s there, but then finally he sees a tall person making their way down the path towards him. He must recognize Louis sitting behind the wheel because he waves directly at him, his familiar dimpled grin coming into view as Harry gets closer.

The nighttime air is cooler than Louis thought it’d be when he steps out of his car and smooths the sleeves of the button up he didn’t have time to unwrinkle before he left.

“It’s you! You made it,” Harry says, still a few yards away. He’s dressed up in a pair of dark slacks and a thin black shirt left unbuttoned near the collar and rolled at the sleeves rather than the yellow Louis jokingly suggested. His short hair is usually loose and falling into his eyes wherever they video chat, but tonight it’s swept back and away from his face in a way that makes Louis smile.

“I’m here,” Louis chuckles when Harry comes to stand in front of him, watching Louis like he can’t believe he actually showed up. “And, it’s _you,”_ Louis says, giving him another glance-over. _“_ I’ll admit that you’re much taller than I thought you’d be.”

“Yeah, but you’re not,” Harry teases before stepping forward to hug him hello. He pulls Louis in with a tight squeeze strong enough to rival Liam’s practiced bear hugs, the light scent of his cologne clinging to his shirt right below Louis’ nose.

When they let go Harry is still all smiles, his eyes glittering with the help of the lights around the trees. “I’ve been a nervous wreck waiting all evening to do that,” he admits with an embarrassed laugh, making Louis feel much more at ease knowing he wasn’t the only one. “So, did you have any trouble finding the place?”

“Uh, no. None at all. I was little surprised to see that we’re outdoors. It’s a nice night for it though.”

“It’s beautiful,” Harry agrees with a quick look up at the cloudless sky and stars twinkling overhead. “And they’ve already started with the alcohol so it should be an easy night. Everyone’s in a pretty great mood.”

“That’s reassuring,” Louis laughs, feeling his nerves suddenly reemerge remembering he has to take photos of them all. “I, uh- I know you said you had equipment covered, but I brought my camera just in case.” He brought it mostly as a security blanket since he’s been out of the game for so long.

“Okay, cool,” Harry nods. “I was just going to use my old FM10 tonight. I _thought_ you might’ve liked to try the D4,” Harry says with a knowing grin, “But shoot with whatever makes you the most comfortable of course.”

Louis gasps when Harry opens the equipment bag hanging off his shoulder and pulls out the camera he’s been fantasizing about for as long as he can remember. He never thought he’d get to see one in person. Harry places the strap around Louis’ neck and hands him the small black bag filled with all its accessory lenses.

“Here. Why don’t you hold onto it for a bit. Get a feel for it, that way if you feel like using it, it’s already there.”

Louis feels like he’s holding a small fortune in his hands when he gently –sadly– removes the camera from his neck.

“Harry, that’s so nice of you, but- but I can’t take this. I’ll take the FM10 or just use mine. Really, I don’t mind at all,” he protests as he quickly tries to hand it back.

It’s not that he doesn’t _want_ to use the D4. Who wouldn’t? He just doesn’t want Harry to hate him if something were to happen to it. He doesn’t want to hate himself.

Harry skillfully ducks out of Louis’ reach when he tries to place the camera strap around his neck instead, laughing when Louis misses and rolls his eyes.

“Well, we better get going!” he says with a victorious clap of his hands. “There’s lots of drunken celebratory dancing going on and sadly that D4 isn’t going to operate itself.”

He’s smiling when he turns and starts walking back up the path towards the reception. Louis follows behind him, grinning down at the piece of equipment that costs more than all his electronics combined and the charming little shit walking ahead of him who has all but insisted that he use it.

“How is it that we’ve known each other for real for less than ten minutes and I kind of already want to strangle you?”

“I tend to have that effect on most people, I’m afraid,” Harry proudly beams over his shoulder. “I’m hoping you’ll get used to it with time.”

Louis’ kind of hoping so too. More time getting to know Harry wouldn’t be so bad.

*

The whole night has been filled with one exciting moment that Louis has wanted to capture followed by another. He started out playing it pretty safe in the beginning when Harry set him free in the middle of the party and then left to go take his own photographs. Now that he’s had a bit of practice Louis feels less like a fish out of water being thrown into a gig that’s too big for him and more like he knows what the hell he’s doing; well, sort of.

At the moment, everyone is up out of their seats and dancing or mingling. Everyone except the bride and groom. No one else besides Louis seems to realize they aren’t in the middle of the dancefloor anymore. They’ve drifted away to stand beneath a canopy of trees and twinkling lights, slow dancing by themselves to the beat of a fast song. They’re in their own little world over there and Louis is thrilled to get the chance to preserve it for them when he takes several shots.

He quickly reviews them on the little screen, grinning to himself when he finds that they turned out rather well. He wants to take more to make sure he’s really got _the_ shot, however when he glances up he spots Harry on the other side of the party with his camera lens pointed right at him.

Louis hadn’t realized he was being photographed. He probably hasn’t been for long but now he’s running through the last couple of minutes wondering what embarrassing thing he did to make Harry smile so much when Louis has been so desperately trying to keep Harry out of his frames as they work around each other.

“Hey. Did you get a really good shot of me picking my nose?” Louis asks when Harry makes his way through the crowd to join him. Harry laughs at his unimpressed expression just like he did earlier when he tried to get Louis to do the Cupid Shuffle with him.

“Not quite, but I think I got something almost as good,” Harry smiles. Harry reviews the last few shots he just took. They’re of him of course, but he’s not doing anything particularly embarrassing like he thought. He’s just standing there, quietly reviewing his own photographs with his bottom lip caught between his teeth and a crinkled forehead that eventually gives way to a small grin.

“What are you wasting shots on me for?” Louis chuckles, rolling his eyes in mock annoyance from the attention. “You’re supposed to be capturing all the happiness and magic going on.”

Harry does that thing where he unintentionally makes Louis’ stomach flip when their eyes meet. “I thought I was.”

Louis thought his stomach would settle down if he looked away for a moment to downplay the blush creeping up on his cheeks, but he can still feel Harry’s eyes on the side of his face as he scrolls through the photos on his own camera for a distraction. When he glances over to see if Harry’s still staring, he finds him chewing at his bottom lip, his eyes all lit up in quiet amusement.

“We, uh…we should probably get back to work,” he says nodding his head towards all the guests still celebrating around them. “We’ve still got a few minutes left before the bride and groom have their big exit.”

Louis nods along, trying not to be so obvious as he watches Harry venture back into the crowd.

The bride and groom leave half an hour later after Louis and Harry have a chance to photograph them saying goodbye to all their loved ones and then exit their reception through a tunnel of sparklers shining on either side of them. Harry gets the last few shots of them getting into the back seat of their car and then lets out a big sigh before his lips turn up into a grin that dimples both sides of his face.

“We did it!”

They did. They worked together to cover the whole reception, Louis managed not to drop the D4 still hanging around his neck, and life is good. He had a good time and couldn’t have asked for a better night, which is why he feels a little sad when Harry offers to walk him back out to his car. He’s not ready to leave.

Harry thanks him for coming down on such short notice on their way down the dirt path. He starts talking nonsense claiming that Louis was such a great assistant that he’s been upgraded to partner level just from one gig.

“You’re so full of shit,” Louis snorts as gets into his car. He settles in behind the wheel, only remembering the camera still hanging around his neck when he tries to buckle himself in. “Oh. Your camera. I assume you’d like this back before I take off back to Doncaster. I promise I wasn’t trying to steal it intentionally,” he jokes.

“You could borrow it. I wouldn’t mind.” Something about the way Harry’s eyes have gone all soft tells Louis that he really wouldn’t mind Louis taking his most prized possession.

“No, no. Thanks, but I think I’ve had enough fun with it for now. I’ll leave it with its rightful owner.” Harry graciously accepts his decline when Louis hands it back to him along with the extra lenses.

“Maybe you can take it for another spin next time.” Louis doesn’t know when that’ll be. Probably never since the only reason he’s here right now is his due to a rare large chunk of free time.

Louis cranks his car and offers Harry a smile that he hopes displays how grateful he is for tonight. “I should get going. Thanks for everything.”

“You’re sure you want to drive all the way back tonight?” Harry asks when Louis hides a yawn in his fist. “It’s pretty late. You could always crash at mine and then drive back tomorrow if you want.”

“Oh. Um- I don’t know…”

If it were Liam offering him a place to stay, Louis wouldn’t have even thought twice about it. He would probably say no of course because Chris doesn’t like it when he sleeps over at Liam’s. It’s an irrational fear on Chris’ part because he and Liam are just friends and have been for forever. He and Harry are friends now too; _new_ friends, but he doesn’t think Chris would appreciate Louis staying over with him either.

“That’s really, really kind of you, Harry, but- I don’t think I should.”

Harry doesn’t seem offended when he blinks at him with a little crinkle between his eyebrows. “Really? Why not? You wouldn’t be imposing at all if that’s what you’re worried about. I have plenty of room.”

“No, it’s not that.” There are several reasons why he shouldn’t stay over at his place that Louis shouldn’t have to spell out. “It’s just- I’m, uh, I’m married,” he shrugs in explanation.

“Yeah... I know,” Harry chuckles with a quick glance at the ring on Louis’ finger. “So, married people can’t crash at a friend’s for the night? Is that like, against the rules or something?”

It’s definitely against _Chris’_ rules, but he knows he shouldn’t say so based on the way Harry is grinning at his little joke. Other people don’t have a husband who likes control over who they see, but Louis does. At this point, Louis shouldn’t even care what Chris would think when he’s not even waiting for him back at home, but something in him still kind of does. He tries to push that feeling away when Harry speaks again.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, Louis. That’s honestly the last thing I want, but if you’re tired and you’d rather drive back after you’ve slept, my flat is open. My flat with a spare bedroom and spare bathroom that’s all yours,” he clarifies when Louis still looks skeptical about where this night could lead. “But only if you want.”

Harry looks like he’s prepared to hear another gentle decline when Louis nods instead. “Okay. I’ll take you up on that. Thanks, Harry.”

“Er-  Yeah, of course. You’re so welcome,” he says, still looking surprised but always happy to have Louis agree to stay. “Um, I’m going to go make sure we didn’t leave anything behind in there, but I’ll be right back and then you can follow me out, okay?”

“Okay. Sure. I’ll just wait here.”

Harry takes off at a light jog back down the path and Louis releases a deep breath to reassure himself that he’s going to be fine. Chris doesn’t know where he is and he isn’t going to. Like Harry said, he _is_ allowed to have friends. He’s allowed to have Harry and not feel guilty about it, and that’s exactly what he’s going to do.

*

They pull up and park alongside a row of small shops on a street right in the middle of town that’s probably bustling with people when it isn’t half-past midnight. Right now, it feels like he and Harry are the only two souls on Earth from how quiet and still everything is.

It’s an old white building with a thick display glass on the ground floor that Harry unlocks. Louis steps inside behind him straining his eyes in the dark to make out what he can of what must be Harry’s studio.

There are large prints adorning the walls, all of which Louis recognizes from Harry’s blog. Louis can’t stop himself from moving closer to have a better look.

“This one has always been my absolute favorite.” Louis runs his fingers over the shot of the girl in the field, Harry’s sister Louis now knows, remembering how just one look at it made him fall in love with Harry’s work in an instant. He can’t believe he’s standing in front of it and seeing it in person.

Harry looks up from where he’s putting all his equipment away behind the counter and smiles. “Mine too. Mostly because it was an accident.” Harry comes to stand next to him and Louis can see his eyes all lit up with humor as he looks at the photo. “Gemma and I didn’t go for a walk that day with the intention of taking a photo like this. I didn’t even want to go so she turned around to tease me about it just as I was snapping a shot of something else, and by some miracle, this is what I got.”

“So, _that’s_ why it blurred that way,” Louis grins now that the mystery has been revealed. “I’ve been trying to figure this shot out for years. It’s half the reason I’ve been thinking you’re a super genius. Now you’re just a mere mortal like the rest of us,” he says with a dramatic sigh of disappointment.

“That’s fair,” Harry laughs. “Nothing about that shot was intentional. I think I’m pretty decent at what I do, but I’m not _that_ good. I just got lucky that day.”

He gets lucky a lot then because all his photographs are perfect. Not just this one.

Harry leads him up a narrow staircase at the back of his shop. He unlocks another door on the second floor and then holds it open for Louis to walk through. At first, he can’t see anything, but then Harry hits the light switch and his cozy little flat comes into view along with a black cat who seems very happy to see them.

“This is Oscar. I believe you two have met before.”

“Yes, we have.” Louis bends down to pet him where he’s rubbing up against Louis’ legs in little figure-eights. “ _Hi there_ ,” he coos listening to Oscar purr when he’s scratched behind the ears. “Aww.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty cute,” Harry says as he locks the door behind them.

“He is,” Louis agrees. “Like father like s-” Louis stops himself from finishing that sentence with a cough into his fist. “Er- S-So, you have such a nice place. Your studio is amazing.”

“Thank you,” Harry says, amused grin barely concealed as he kicks off his shoes. Louis straightens up to have a better look around at the couple of bookshelves in the living room and the giant worn-in sofa that helps separate the room from the kitchen. There are photographs everywhere; on every visible surface, but the thing that draws the most attention is the wooden photo-grid so massive it nearly takes up an entire wall. There must be over one-hundred pictures in it, and Louis is almost certain Harry’s eye is responsible for capturing them all.

“I can show you to your room if you want. I know you must be exhausted after driving all the way here and then working all night.

“Not really,” Louis shrugs. “It didn’t feel like work to me. It was actually a lot of fun. I miss it. I didn’t realize how much until tonight.”

“Then why did you ever stop? You’re so great at it.”

Harry says it like he’s the best photographer in the world. Neither his gaze or his conviction falters one bit even after Louis blinks away.

“I don’t know. Lots of reasons I guess.” Louis has long since stopped trying to figure out what stopped him from going back to something he loves. “It was just easier for me to stay home. It always has been,” he shrugs. “For Nate; for everyone.”

“Oh.” Harry gives a small nod, but Louis can tell he doesn’t really get it. Louis gets the feeling that Harry doesn’t quite believe him either.

“Chris and I decided it together. Because someone should be home with Nate and I don’t mind giving something up for him.” Louis enjoyed each moment he got to spend with his son while he was small and needed Louis so much.

Harry nods again, slowly like he still doesn’t quite understand, however the kindness in his eyes never leaves. “He’s your son, Louis. I know you love him.” Louis does. So much. More than anything. “But… Nate’s been in school for almost a year, right?” he asks. “If he’s not home with you anymore then what’s stopping you now, if you don’t mind me asking?”

It sounds like it’d be such an easy fix; to simply hit play on his life again, but Louis has used that same argument on his husband dozens of times; his husband who insists that Louis doesn’t need to work when someone has to be there for Nathan in case of an emergency and he makes enough money for the both of them. Louis would tell Harry that, however his sad life story isn’t exactly what he signed on to hear tonight so Louis doesn’t say a word about it.

“You’re right,” Louis nods instead in agreement. “Maybe it’s time Chris and I rethink it.” That’s never going to happen. Chris has made it very clear over the years that it’s not.

“Yeah, the two of you could rethink it,” Harry shrugs. “Or, maybe even just you.”

Something in the way Harry grins over his shoulder at him as he walks by makes Louis feel like that’s a decision he really could make on his own.

It’s his life and his career after all. Maybe it should be.

*

Louis stops unbuttoning his shirt at the sound of a knock against the guestroom door. 

“Come in,” he calls, watching Harry’s shadow hesitate where it’s visible under the door. Eventually, he gently pushes it open, now dressed for bed and carrying an armful of things he’s letting Louis borrow for the night.

“I got you a t-shirt, some joggers that shouldn’t be too long, and a fresh toothbrush,” Harry announces. “Um, I wasn’t expecting to have a guest so all my towels are dirty at the moment, but I do have this,” he says holding up a flowery pink and green towel set with a matching hood attached at the top. “Stop it. They’re _Amelia’s_ ,” Harry explains with a roll of his eyes, a faint blush creeping up on his cheeks when Louis’ face breaks into a wide grin.

“Sure. Blame it on your niece,” Louis teases. “Is that her Disney princess clock over on the bedside table too or are you just a huge fan of _Frozen_ and you never told me?”

“Oh, shut up. You know I’d never buy that for myself,” he smirks. “ _Brave_ is so much better.”

“I think it’s great that you spoil her with all her favorite stuff and you two spend time together. It’s sweet and I’m sure she loves you for it.”

He guesses he has embarrassed Harry again as his eyes fall to the floor while Louis finishes unbuttoning his shirt. Harry places his things at the foot of the bed, but when he straightens up to tell Louis goodnight his gaze flickers across Louis’ bare torso and freezes on his left bicep; right on the purpled bruise that Louis forgot all about.

Louis quickly pulls his shirt back on so that it covers his arms again, but it’s visible through the white fabric now that Harry knows it’s there. “I, uh, ran into the fridge a couple of nights ago. I always forget to turn on the lights.”

Harry’s eyes trail the length of the mark beneath his sleeve and the peculiar way it circles his arm but he doesn’t comment on the fact that a fridge can’t do that. “Yeah. Accidents happen sometimes…” Harry says now noticing a pale, yellowing bruise just under Louis’ collarbone from a couple of weeks ago when Chris pinned him onto his back with too much force. “A _few_ times I guess,” Harry mumbles mostly to himself.

“Er- Same thing. Different night,” Louis says with an easy chuckle at himself. “I should really learn to turn on a light before I go hunting for midnight snacks.”

He can’t tell if Harry believes him or not when they lock eyes. Harry looks like he wants to call bullshit on Louis’ alleged clumsiness, but for some reason, he doesn’t. He reaches down to give Louis’ hand a squeeze instead like every word out of Louis’ mouth tonight has been nothing but the truth.

“Goodnight, Louis. See you in the morning.”

“Okay. See you,” Louis says as Harry leaves the room. “And thanks again,” he calls before Harry can get too far out into the corridor. “For everything.”

“Anytime, Lou.” The way he says it makes Louis feel like they’re more than just kind words. “I’m here if you need anything. Sleep well.”

*

It’s much later than usual when Louis wakes up in a room that he doesn’t immediately recognize when he rolls over to avoid the sun shining in his face. Louis realizes exactly where he is when he cracks his eyes open to the Disney clock a few feet from his face and grins.

 _Harry_.

His first thought as his sleepy brain continues to wake up is that he should be home. This would usually be the time of day that Nathan comes to jump on his bed and tickle him in a cute demand for breakfast. It’s also the time of day that Chris usually drags himself home from wherever he spent the night, but today none of that matters because Louis isn’t at home. He’s staying with a friend.

The hardwood floor is warm beneath his feet when he pushes the covers away to look out the window. The street down below is bustling cars and people just as Louis suspected. Everything about it looks different in the light and he assumes Harry’s flat will too when Louis decides to venture out to explore it.

There’s only a small crack in Harry’s door so Louis assumes he’s still asleep. Louis tiptoes by it, wincing when the hardwood creaks under his weight. No one makes a sound on the other side of the door however the sound alerts Oscar who comes running down the corridor to greet him. Oscar doesn’t seem to want him to stop once Louis bends down to pet him hello so Louis scoops him up into his arms to tag along.

He isn’t snooping. At least that’s what he tells himself as he pokes his head into the other spare room that’s mostly filled with junk he’s collected over the years and reads through the various titles on Harry’s bookshelves in his living room. He’s simply getting to know him better. Like for instance, the fact that he dog-ears all his books and stacks them one on top of the other if he hasn’t finished reading them yet. He possesses the magical talent of being able to keep houseplants alive and he also kicks off his shoes the moment he walks through the door as indicated by the pile of colorful boots just like the ones he wore last night currently lying in the entryway.

The photo-grid he noticed last night is what Louis is most interested to see. The big one that has so many cutouts that many of them remain empty. There are beautiful pictures of the places he’s been with the dates scribbled in the corners as well as pictures of all the people he loves. They’re quite different from the photos he shares online. These are all black and white; simpler somehow, and yet more personal since they’re displayed on this wall just for him and anyone else who comes into his home.

The front door opens just as Louis is admiring a picture of a rainy sky somewhere taking Louis by surprise. He thought Harry was still in his room.

“You’re awake,” he chirps as he predictably toes off his current pair of brown boots and just keeps walking. “I need to go shopping so I just ran out and got us some food. Hope you like croissants.”

“I do. Thanks a lot,” he grins in appreciation.

“Don’t mention it,” he calls over his shoulder carrying the food off to the kitchen.

Oscar starts squirming to follow after Harry so Louis puts him down. Louis’ stomach growls alerting him to how hungry he is so he follows along too.

It’s strange watching Harry work around the kitchen to feed Oscar and the two of them. Louis isn’t used to being the one waiting or the one being waited on. He’s usually the one doing all the work so he feels useless and out of place watching Harry hum to himself as he plates up their breakfast.

“I can do that,” Louis offers to which Harry politely declines.

“I think I’ve got it. But thanks.”

“Okay,” Louis sighs. “Well, I could make you coffee or tea if you’d like. Just tell me where everything is and I can-”

“Already got it covered,” he says placing a to-go cup of each on the table. “Take whichever you prefer.”

It feels like a test of some kind or a trap for him to choose the wrong one and stick Harry with a drink he hates. He doesn’t think Harry would do that, however Chris has gotten angry at him over much smaller offenses. “Um, you pick first. I don’t mind.”

Harry fondly rolls his eyes and slides both cups in front of Louis. “Have both then. I’ll just have orange juice or whatever’s in the fridge.”

Alright, so maybe it wasn’t a setup and Harry really is that selfless and kind.

“Thanks,” he says, taking a seat in front of the ham and cheese croissant Harry places down next to the two drinks he gets all to himself.

“So, Lou, how’d you sleep? Alright I hope?” Louis blinks up at Harry’s question and the easy conversation he’s trying to make. “This street can get pretty busy in the mornings. Niall _always_ complains,” he smirks before politely asking Louis for a napkin on his side of the table.

They don’t do much of this sort of thing in his household. Actually, they don’t do this at all. Chris is always distracted on his phone or annoyed at someone for something. Harry hasn’t even touched his phone since he walked through the door. He’s just patiently waiting for Louis’ response as he takes huge bites of his food.

“Uh- I slept great. Didn’t hear a thing.” Harry smiles at the good news and Louis feels like this is where he should probably say something, but Harry speaks up again before he can.

“What do you think you’ll do the rest of the day?”

Louis has no idea. He figured he’d go back home, pick up his kid, and then wait to see if his husband comes home. “Not much. I thought I’d get an early start and head back.”

Harry gives him a bored look as Louis adds sugar and cream to his coffee.

“You _could_ do that or you could stay a while longer. I was going to develop some of the shots I got with the FM10 last night and start printing the ones you took. I could always use a hand.”

That sounds like so much fun, but Louis doesn’t immediately accept as he mentally runs through everything he needs to do today. He quickly realizes after a few seconds that his list doesn’t comprise very much when he feels Harry’s bare feet poking at his beneath the table.

“ _This is where you say yes,_ ” the idiot across from him stage whispers.

Louis rolls his eyes at his stupidly endearing dimpled grin with croissant crumbs all over it.

“Sure, I’d love to,” he mumbles under his breath just to watch Harry’s reaction.

“Hey. None of that. You’re excited to hang out with me today. Admit it.”

Louis rolls his eyes when he feels Harry cold feet prodding against his again and playfully kicks him back.

“Oh, shut up and eat so we can get started. I want to see the darkroom,” he smiles. There aren’t very many left in the world now that everybody uses digital. Louis has only ever been inside of one in his whole life. He can’t believe Harry actually built his own downstairs.

“You mean the _kill_ room,” Harry says with an ominous wiggle of his eyebrows.

“Fine. Whatever you want to call it. Just hurry up,” Louis laughs.

*

“Now, explain to me again how this is the best hidden secret in town?” Louis says with a skeptical look outside the passenger window. The small restaurant he and Harry are parked outside of looks like the least secretive place in the whole world with all the people crammed inside it.

“I know it looks a little crowded from here…”

“You think?” Louis laughs. “At this point people are probably being seated in the kitchen.”

“Well that’s okay because _we_ won’t be,” Harry says with that same gleam in his eyes that he had in the darkroom earlier each time they bumped elbows or Louis accidentally stepped on his feet. They spent practically the whole afternoon in there together. The only thing that dragged them out into daylight was their matching grumbling stomachs.

“Ah, so the bathroom is still free to sit in. _Nice_ ,” Louis teases.

“Wrong again, because _we_ are going on the roof.”

Louis looks up the brick building towards the high rooftop he hadn’t previously noticed in the midst of all the customers pouring in through the front door.

_Oh._

“Jesus. Is this the only place to eat in Cheshire?”

Every seat in the place is taken once they step inside. Even the ones at the bar and there are still people waiting to be seated. People just like him and Harry hovering at the entrance.

“No, but it is the best,” Harry says over his shoulder. “Hey, Tom! Can we go up?” he shouts over the noise at man weaving through a sea of customers, waiters, and bartenders to get to the kitchen. Tom’s face breaks into a warm smile when he recognizes the person yelling and waving at him from across the restaurant and gives two thumbs up. Harry thanks him, Louis’ hand already firmly grasped in his own as he leads them toward the back of the building away from the crowd.

They climb the stairs roped off next to a storage room all the way up to the roof access at the very top. No one is outside once they get there. There’s just a small garden of vegetables taking up one side of the roof and a mix-matched seating area on the other side that looks like a much calmer place to have lunch than the pandemonium they witnessed coming in.

“How is everybody downstairs not fighting to get up here?” Louis asks as examines the fresh tomatoes hanging off the vine and ripening in the sunshine.  

“Mmm, probably because hardly anyone else knows there’s anything up here to see. It’s not open to customers but I just so happen to be good friends with the owner, so I get a free pass,” he grins looking out over the view.

Louis can only imagine how beautiful this rooftop is during a sunset. He wishes he had time enough to see it. Maybe even photograph it since taking pictures at that reception was so much fun.

He can’t help but grin back when he feels Harry slide closer to him until their arms brush and Harry not-so-subtly elbows him in the side. “Alright, alright,” Louis concedes. “I doubted you but you were right. This _is_ the best kept secret in town.”

“ _Aww_. Thanks, Lou. Glad we can both agree on me being the smartest most awesomest person ever.” Louis doesn’t even warn him before elbowing him right in the ribs. It’s better than hitting him in the balls.

Lunch doesn’t last long but Louis enjoys every minute of Harry force-feeding him all his favorite foods from the menu and even stealing some of the fresh vegetables from the garden that Louis is one-hundred percent sure they’re _not_ supposed to touch. Louis turns his phone over every now and then to check the time knowing he should’ve left a long time ago. He hates that his favorite person is an hour away. He wishes Nathan could’ve come here with him.

“Time to go?” Harry sighs from his side of the table. He’s leaned back in his chair with a piece of tomato vine behind his ear and an expression that says he doesn’t want him to leave. It seems Harry has worn that expression all day.

“Yeah, I think so. I have a little troublemaker back home whom I haven’t seen for two whole days,” Louis sighs. “I miss him like crazy.”

“I’m sure he misses you too. I would. I will once you’ve gone,” he admits. “It’s been nice.”

He’s going to miss Harry too. This has been the best couple of days Louis has had in years, but he thinks that goes without saying. Harry is so important to him; as a friend, a nuisance, and whenever he’s being, well, Harry. Louis can’t imagine what he’d be doing right now if they hadn’t met.

“It’s too bad you won’t be able to meet my other mates,” Harry tells him. “They’ve been trying to track me down all day so I told them to meet us here a little while ago. They’re probably not going to make it in time before you go though.”

“Y-You mean Niall and Zayn?” Harry has talked about them so much that Louis would love to meet them too. “Well, I mean, I don’t _have_ to go this second. If they’re already on their way I could hang around a bit longer,” he shrugs. “It’s just a few more minutes right?”

Harry sits up and his face lights up under the possibility of Louis prolonging his visit yet again. “Uh, yeah,” he nods. “They said fifteen or twenty minutes. Is that okay?”

“That’s perfect,” Louis grins as he settles back into his seat. “I can’t wait.”

Sticking around to meet Harry’s friends turns out to be one of the best decisions Louis could’ve made when it’s nearly two hours later and Louis’ stomach hurts from laughing at Niall’s dead-on impressions of Harry throughout the years. They’ve all done nothing but laugh since they arrived with Harry denying every hilarious story his friends tell and Zayn keeping the alcohol flowing with trips back and forth to the bar downstairs. Louis isn’t drinking of course since he still has a drive ahead of him, however he’s had just as much fun sitting here watching them as he would joining in and getting smashed before dinner.

“Wait, so he just went around shaking his hair out like that? Really? _Please_ do it again,” Louis smiles, bursting into another fit of laughter when Niall ducks his head and scratches through his short hair in a frenzied motion that leaves it sticking up in several places like he stuck his fingers in an outlet.

Harry’s cheeks have maintained a consistent tinge of pink ever since his mates showed up with the personal mission of embarrassing the hell out of him. He rolls his eyes as everyone sniggers but he has been laughing just as much as they have.

“I did _not_ do that,” he insists for the hundredth time. “Louis, don’t listen to them.”

“You really did, mate. For _years_ ,” Zayn mutters into his beer. It spills and dribbles onto Zayn’s t-shirt when Harry playfully shoves his arm in retaliation which only makes everyone laugh more.

“Well, I wish _I_ had gotten to see you with all those curls.” Louis has seen a few photos of them on Instagram but he’s sure pictures don’t do young Harry justice. “I bet it was adorable even if you did toss your head about like that,” he chuckles.  

Louis was only trying to join in the banter and lessen the amount of shit he’s getting from his best friends, but it seems Louis’ comment only makes him feel more on display from how red he flushes all the way down to his chest.

‘ _Sorry_ ,’ Louis silently mouths across from him when he feels the mood shift and no one is staring at them anymore. Harry isn’t really paying attention to his friends though. His green eyes are locked with Louis’ making his skin feel overly warm too.

“So, Louis, you said something about having to leave soon?” Zayn asks. “You have someplace else to be?”

Louis’ stomach had just started to flip from having all of Harry’s attention on him in full force when Zayn’s question brings his wandering mind away from the rosy color of Harry’s grin and back to their table where there are still two other people present.

He blinks over at Niall who’s now nursing his beer while he politely plays with his phone and then over at Zayn who doesn’t hide the fact that he’s watching them, but he does avert his eyes away from Louis’ wedding band when he realizes he’s been staring. Both Niall and Zayn have stolen several glances at it this evening. Neither of them has been judgmental or impolite. Mostly, they just look curious, though neither of them has mentioned it or asked why Louis keeps wiggling his fingers like he’d prefer to just take it off.

“Uh, yeah, I did,” Louis finally answers when Zayn raises an eyebrow at his lack of a response. “I’ve got to pick up my son, Nathan. He stayed with my mum this weekend.”

Zayn nods, his gaze involuntarily dropping to Louis’ ring finger again like he doesn’t quite buy the story that Harry invited him to stay just so he could assist with his gig.

“Actually, I should get going.” The sun will start setting soon and it’s still an hour drive between him and his mother’s house.

“You don’t have to,” Harry speaks up. Louis wishes that were true, but they’ve been prolonging this moment since last night. He didn’t mean to sit around on this rooftop as long as he has but he’s been enjoying Harry and his friends so much that leaving has been the last thing he wants to do. Still, it’s getting late, and although Nathan is probably having a blast with his grandparents, he’s going to be looking for Louis to show up soon.

“Unfortunately, I do,” he tells Harry. “Nathan’s waiting. Chris will be coming back from his work trip tonight as well, so. I should go.”

Harry gives a solemn nod like he’s much rather Louis stay right where he is, but he hides it well. “Okay. We’ll go get your stuff from mine then.” He digs his keys out of his back pocket and places them in Louis’ open hand. “You drive.”

*

Louis received a hug from each of Harry’s friends before they left though he couldn’t help but notice the way Zayn held onto Harry tighter and gave him a look of caution before letting him go. Louis doesn’t know why, but he has the sneaking suspicion that look was about him. It doesn’t bother him that Zayn doesn’t completely trust him because Liam would probably feel the same way about Harry if the situation was reversed. That’s just what best mates do; they worry. However, Zayn should know that he has nothing to worry about with him. Harry has become one of Louis’ best friends too. Louis would never hurt him.

Harry walks him out to his car once he’s traded in his borrowed jeans and old t-shirt for the nice outfit he wore to the reception the night before. Louis has everything he came with including his camera in the passenger seat and his GPS set to take him back home and yet Harry is still leaning in his window sulking because his argument of ‘ _you and Nate could just live in my darkroom_ ,’ went about as well as he guessed.

“You’re drunk,” Louis snorts when Harry tries to sweeten the deal by throwing Oscar into it as well.

“Ugh. I _am_ ,” he sighs, pouting like it’s some horrible tragedy. “I’m sorry. I’m trying.”

“No, it’s not a bad thing. You’re actually quite funny this way.”

He’d take giggly drunk Harry over the aggressive person that Chris becomes any day. He feels safe even with Harry leaning in his window this close and grinning like an idiot. He’s felt nothing but completely at ease this entire weekend with him and Louis is so grateful.

“Harry, thank you so much for letting me help out last night and for everything else,” he says knowing for sure that he has been here too long. “You didn’t have to do any of that. And I just- I had a really great time.”

Louis expects for Harry to wave off his thanks like he has every other time Louis has tried to give it, however he doesn’t expect it when Harry ducks down to hug him tight through the window. Louis stills at the sudden movement but squeezes him back, his heart pounding from the proximity when Harry turns his head to press a kiss to his cheek that doesn’t hurt or bruise Louis at all. His stomach erupts into a million butterflies as the scent of Harry’s shampoo mixed with his cologne momentarily fills his lungs. Just as quickly as he gets used to the feeling of holding Harry in his arms, it fades when he pulls back leaving Louis dazed and speechless behind the wheel of the car.

“Goodbye, Lou. Let me know when you’re home safe, yeah? Call, text. Whatever you want, just let me know you’re okay?” All Louis can do is nod at these instructions; the same ones Liam gives him all the time. “And I don’t care what time it is. You’re not bothering me, okay?”

Harry’s already backing away from the car by the time Louis’ voice starts working again, however, the goodbye he manages to breathe is so soft he’s sure Harry doesn’t even hear it.

When Louis gets home that evening he tries to get himself back into the rhythm of his everyday life by picking up Nathan whom he is beyond thrilled to see, and then picking up something for dinner because cooking sounds like pure hell after a weekend of Harry doting on him.

Just as Louis expected, Chris doesn’t come home even though he knows his trip is over. He’s probably out somewhere with Dev or maybe he has even moved onto someone else by now. Louis doesn’t know and frankly he doesn’t care. Right now, his only concerns are for himself and their son so he gets Nathan ready for bed and allows it when he begs to sleep in Louis’ room because he missed him so much.

It’s late when Louis realizes he’s been lying down for most of the evening and he hasn’t yet drifted off despite his best efforts. He carefully reaches for his phone wondering if Harry is awake too or if he even wants to talk to him again after just spending two days together. He calls anyway and realizes too late that he hit Facetime instead of phone call, but it doesn’t really matter. It’s not like Harry cares if his hair is a mess and his five-year-old is currently clinging to him in his sleep like a koala.

“Hey,” Louis smiles when Harry comes into view lying in bed just like him.

“Hey, Lou,” he yawns quite loudly. He squints at the mess of golden hair tucked under Louis’ chin and realizes his greeting may have been a bit too loud. “Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t see him there,” he apologizes in a much quieter voice.

“No, it’s okay. He was snoring just a minute ago so he’s out cold,” Louis laughs, still feeling Nathan’s deep breaths through his shirt. “How are you? Still drunk?” he teases. Harry doesn’t look like he is. Kind of tired and groggy like he just woke up, but mostly just happy to be talking to Louis.

“No, not anymore,” he grins. “I chugged a bunch of water after you left and then came in here to lie down.” And sleep Louis assumes. That’s probably why he didn’t receive a response when he texted Harry earlier to let him know he made it home okay.

Louis gets a view of Harry’s room and then of Harry’s white sheets as he settles more into them. Harry’s eyes dance around the perimeter of Louis’ screen too and find that someone is missing.

“Is it just you and Nathan again?” he asks. “No Chris?”

If Louis were talking to his mother right now or Liam or to anyone else in the world he wouldn’t even think twice before lying. He feels his excuse now at the tip of his tongue, already there and waiting to give Chris an out and make himself seem less pathetic, but what’s the point in making things up? Harry is looking right at him lying in their bed without him in it. Louis is so tired of pretending like everything is fine when it’s not. He’s tired of hiding the fact that his marriage is falling apart; _has fallen_ apart. Whatever.

“Um, no. No Chris. I don’t really know where he is,” Louis says but even that is partly a lie. “Actually, I do know,” he admits. Unfortunately, Louis knows exactly where he is. “I know I said he’d be home tonight in front of your friends, but he never actually said that to me.” Chris never says anything to Louis unless he wants something or Louis has done something to piss him off. It’s like he’s invisible until he’s needed to sweet-talk his boss, pack his stupid suitcase, or take care of the house he never comes home to. “The truth is I’m here alone most of the time. It _is_ just me and Nate.”

“Yeah, Lou. I know,” Harry says.

Just saying those things somewhere other than inside his mind felt better than Louis ever imagined it could. Like a mountain has been lifted off his chest. Hearing Harry accept it without judgement makes him feel even better.

Louis stares at his phone screen for a long time before either of them says anything else. Surprisingly, it’s Louis who speaks first, unburdening something else he didn’t even realize he wanted to say aloud until the words are already out there hanging in the air so thick that Louis can hardly breathe.

“He, um…he hurts me sometimes when he’s here. I think he does it on purpose as fucked up as that sounds.”

Harry briefly closes his eyes taking in a measured breath before slowly releasing it. “I-I know. I saw.”

He’s only known Harry a few months. A few months is a blink of an eye compared to how long he’s known everybody else who has ever mattered in his life, but he could never say any of those words to them. Not even to his mother or his best friend who know everything that Harry just admitted to knowing because they aren’t stupid like Louis likes to pretend. Harry has probably known something isn’t right since day one.

Louis waits to see if any more truths will come spilling out of his mouth but nothing happens. He guesses that’s all he can give for now so he changes the subject to something else.

“Could you please grow your hair out and go back to doing your amazing signature hair flip, or is it still too soon?”

“I’m afraid it’s _always_ going to be too soon for that,” Harry tells him.

“Damn. Guess I’ve missed my chance,” he sighs, grinning just because Harry is. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” he whispers after a long pause. He’s not talking about Harry’s long haired days anymore but somehow Harry knows that too.

“It’s okay if you don’t right now because I’m going to be right here while you figure it out. I’m not going anywhere,” he promises. “Remember I live in your laptop. And also in your phone now too.”

“That’s still right on the cusp of being creepy slash sweet,” Louis laughs, but he won’t complain because for now it’s also exactly what he needs.

*

Louis receives the best news ever nearly a week later when Chris comes home to drop off his dirty clothes and grab some fresh ones because he’s going out of town again. He barely even utters ten words before rushing out to go meet the rest of his team which is just fine by Louis.

He even wishes him luck.

Chris has only been gone for a few minutes when Louis breaks out his laptop and flops down on the sofa next to Nathan. Louis has no idea what the hell he’s watching on tv but there are cartoon dinosaurs and they’re making him giggle in the best way so Louis doesn’t say a word.

Harry has been blowing up his phone for days to tell him about his clients and to tell him about Oscar scaring the shit out him by swatting at his feet from under the furniture whenever he walks by. He calls or texts Louis about everything that pops into his head no matter the time of day. It’s funny and also cute and it makes Louis feel lucky because he knows Harry mostly checks up on him so often to make sure he’s alright.

Louis remembers all the times that he visited Harry’s website before they knew each other. Back when Louis would anxiously await to see what new and amazing photographs Harry had chosen to share with the world for that week. Nothing has really changed since then. Louis still goes to his website to see the photo of the week but there’s a ridiculous sense of pride running through him now because the photo posted for display this week is his.

It’s the one he took at the reception of the bride and groom off dancing in their own little world; the one that Louis worked so hard to get right. He didn’t think anyone else would appreciate that captured moment as much as he did, but there are over four hundred comments about how great it is and demanding to know where Harry has been hiding the mysterious L. Tomlinson who is credited for taking such a shot.

In the midst of playing a game called ‘ _if I were to post photos to my blog which ones would I choose?_ ’ as he scrolls through all his old ones, Louis decides the best person to ask is probably the one who put the idea in his head to begin with.

‘ _Hey, you_. _What are you doing?_ ’

 _‘Still wasting away in the studio, sad and alone because my friends hate me. You can’t see, but I’m really torn up about it. Sobbing._ ’ Louis snorts aloud at his dramatics however the sound is masked by Nathan making the same exact noise because of the show he’s watching.

 _‘Niall and Zayn do not hate you. They adore you._ ’ And apparently their schedules weren’t as wide open as they originally thought when they planned to spend Friday having a lads night.

 _‘Suuure. If you say so_.’ Harry jokes back.

Louis knows Harry is only whining for the sake of whining, but he’s sure he really was looking forward to spending time with his friends. Louis isn’t Zayn and he isn’t Niall, but he thinks Harry might settle for hanging out with him as a consolation.

‘ _Well, I know you’re busy wiping your tears, but Chris is gone again for the weekend. Would you maybe be up for having some company today or tomorrow?’_

Another snort escapes Louis when Harry replies right away.

‘ _Um, YES?? And definitely today. I’d love to see you! When can you be here?’_

It’s barely even five o’clock. Louis could leave in the next few minutes and get there by six. All he has to do is pack a bag for himself…and one for Nathan. A fit of giggles bubbles up from the little boy sprawled out next to him and Louis feels guilty for a moment because he almost forgot he was here and not with his mum like last weekend.

_‘So, I may have forgotten to mention that Nathan’s here. Do you mind having two guests instead of one?’_

_‘Not at all! You and Nathan are welcome here anytime. I’m excited to finally meet him.’_

That’s all the convincing Louis needs to feel like it’s perfectly okay to crash Harry’s flat with his five-year-old in tow. It’ll be no different than when they go over to Liam’s for a visit.

“Hey, you,” Louis pokes at his son’s side making him laugh and squirm until he’s out of reach. “Guess what we’re about to do.”

Nathan tears his gaze away from the tv for the first time to look at him with excited eyes. “What? Are we going to the big park?”

“Not exactly.” Though Louis is sure he’d be thrilled if they were. “We’re going on a road trip to Cheshire. How’s that sound?” The longest trip Nathan has ever been on is to London with him and Chris but he was so small he probably doesn’t even remember; doesn’t remember how it ended in an enormous fight so they never tried a family trip again.

“Cheshire?” he asks, tilting his head at the foreign word. “Is there a big park there with paddle boats?”

“Er- I’m sure there’s _a_ park there somewhere, but I’m not too sure about boats,” Louis winces. “Is that good enough?”

Louis really needs it to be good enough.

Nathan seems to think it over before his forehead uncrinkles and he’s giving Louis an enthusiastic nod.

Perfect. Louis always knew he loved that kid for a reason.

*

Nathan has been asleep for most of the trip so he’s a little groggy and confused when they pull up outside of Harry’s building.

“We’re here?” he yawns, standing still outside the car to accept the backpack Louis slips onto his shoulders.

“Yep. This is Cheshire. We’re here to see my friend Harry, remember? And his cat, Oscar. You’re going to love them both,” Louis assures him.

Louis doesn’t have many friends. The only one left standing from before his marriage is Liam and he’s family. This is the first time he’s introducing his son to someone who wasn’t always in his life, but Nathan nods anyway only looking slightly nervous when he takes Louis’ hand.

The studio door is locked with a closed sign hanging in the window but Harry comes rushing up to unlock it as soon as he hears someone knocking.

“It’s us!” Louis says even though Harry can now see them waving through the glass.

He and Nate are greeted by Harry’s warm smile once he unlocks the door. Harry goes to hug Louis hello until he glances down at the tiny person standing next to him and remembers there’s an introduction to be made first.

“Nate,” Louis grins down at him hoping this goes well. “This is my really good friend I told you about. Can you say hi?”

Louis lets go of his son’s hand so Harry can take it instead and grip it in a very adult handshake.

“My name is Harry. I’m so excited to finally meet you.”

“Hi. It’s nice to meet you,” Nathan routinely says back as his curious eyes inspect the studio Harry is crouched down in front of.

“I’ve heard _so_ many things about you,” Harry tells him. “Your dad says you love football and dinosaurs and-” Harry stops his list short when something more interesting behind him catches Nathan’s eye.

“You really do have a cat!” he exclaims. Nathan takes off towards Oscar who simply sits there and allows himself to be vigorously cuddled without preamble. Louis goes to apologize but then he remembers who Oscar’s owner is and realizes he’s used to it.

“Well that went much quicker than I expected. I thought Nathan would hate you for at least half an hour but Oscar’s a hit, mate, so you’re already in,” Louis teases. The next thing he knows he’s the one being pulled in for a tight hug and some vigorous cuddling as Harry buries his face in Louis’ neck. “Jesus, Styles. It’s only been a week,” Louis rolls his eyes.

Harry laughs and then lets him go looking delighted to see Louis again so soon regardless of how much time has passed. “Yeah, I know,” he shrugs. “I still missed you.”

“I missed you too, Haz,” Louis admits. He really, really did.

*

There’s pizza and breadsticks waiting upstairs for them thanks to Harry thinking ahead and somehow just knowing that Louis and Nathan would be starving by the time they arrived. Louis is thrilled because now all they have to do is pick a spot in Harry’s living room to pig-out in front of the tv and just relax after their drive. It’s literally the exact same thing he and Nathan were doing at home, except now their laziness is more fun because Harry is here to lounge around with them.

Shortly after dinner, it’s starts thundering and lightning, dampening any plans they might’ve had of going out for a walk or finding a big park good enough to meet Nathan’s high standards. They let him pick a movie from Amelia’s collection and sprawl out on the sofa instead while the adults sit on the floor around the coffee table reviewing the photos from the reception that the couples chose as their favorites.

“Hey, I took this one. And this one too,” Louis grins as he snatches them both from the pile Harry is working on compiling into a package for them. He and Harry shared the workload that night but Louis can’t help but notice that _his_ photos make up the majority of what’s here.

“They loved so many of yours that I had to remind them that they have a cap. I had to sneak a couple of my shots in just to save my ego,” Harry jokes though he looks so proud of Louis. Like he doesn’t at all mind Louis’ work being chosen over his own. “I wasn’t surprised of course,” he brags. “I’ve been telling you for months that you’re amazing.”

Harry really has been telling him that. Louis had trouble believing it at first but between the hundreds of pictures that Harry’s clients chose and other people’s reaction to the one Harry posted online, Louis is finding his potential and talent hard to argue.

“I guess I did alright,” he shrugs. “I just got lucky. You could’ve easily taken any of these.”

“Yeah, maybe. But, I didn’t. _You_ did,” Harry grins, making Louis’ entire chest fill with pride. “Hate to break it to you, Lou, but you’re kind of brilliant.”

Louis ducks his head when he feels his cheeks heating up from Harry playfully nudging him in the side. Eventually, Harry stops staring and turns his attention back to the photos, but Louis’ heart doesn’t beat any slower with him still sitting right next to him.

A rumbling sound from outside that’s much softer than the thunder from before causes everyone in the room to glance over at the window. Harry hops up to go see what the weather is doing now and smiles back at them. He pulls the curtains back further to reveal the clouds dissipating in the sky as the sun continues to set like the storm never disrupted it.

“It stopped raining just in time,” Harry announces.

Louis feels his brow furrow at the excitement radiating off him. “Wait. Just in time for what?”

“A quick shoot,” Harry beams. “Look at those colors,” he points at the deep tones of orange and pink being splayed over everything the sun is still touching. “We should all go. While it’s still light out. We’d have a blast.” That does sound like fun but Louis isn’t sure of how realistic it is.

“Um, that sounds amazing, Haz, but I don’t think Nathan will want to tag along while we have fun taking a bunch of pictures.” Not to mention it’s soaking wet out there and Nathan has never operated a camera in his life. That’s just a disaster waiting to happen; an _expensive_ disaster.

“He can help. I’ve got a small camera that Nate would love,” he smiles.

“You do?” Nathan gasps. “Really?” He perks up when he hears that making Louis roll his eyes as Harry nods with just as much excitement. “Can we go, dad? Please, please, please?”

“Yeah, dad, come on. Please, please, please?” Harry says with both of his evil dimples exposed to make it impossible for Louis to say no.

Louis bites down on his grin to stop it from taking over his whole face. His son and the person who’s _supposed_ to be the other adult in the room are both staring at him in wait so Louis puts them out of their misery.

“Alright _fine_ ,” he caves to the sound of cheers. “But only for a little while. It’s almost dark and it could start raining again,” he tells them. He’s certain neither boy is listening anymore after he gives his consent, but he guesses it’s hard to pay attention to rules when you’re busy running around to find spare rain boots.

Nathan hops out of the car as soon as they roll to a stop in the middle of a field that looks oddly familiar to Louis even though he’s never been here. It doesn’t take long for him to recognize the tall trees surrounding them and the soft, wet grass that his son is currently stomping through.

“This is where you took the photo of your sister isn’t it? This is the field.”

“Yep. My parents’ house is past those trees and another smaller field over there.” Harry vaguely points across the stretch of wet grass in the direction of where he grew up. “I visit them a lot, but I mostly come out here to borrow the landscape. I’ve taken some of my best shots out here.”

Harry calls Nate over and equips him with a polaroid camera and a pouch around his waist to keep his photos in. He puts the camera strap over his neck so it can’t fall into the mud and then quickly stoops down to show him how to use it.

Louis has never shared his love of photography with him. He’s not even sure Nathan knows he wanted the kind of life that Harry made for himself, but he’s never felt his heart so warm as when his son sees his first picture print right before his eyes and smile like it’s the best thing he’s ever done.

“Go wild,” Harry tells him once he’s all done with his quick tutorial. Nathan glances up at Louis for the okay.

“Er- Sure. Go ahead, love. Have fun,” Louis says watching him run over to the trees to snap pictures of everything he sees. “Stay close! Where I can see you,” he reminds his son before Harry hands him the beloved D4 and takes the 3300 for himself.

“Now you’re all set too,” Harry grins. “Go wild.”

“Yeah, I’ll try to stay where you can see me,” Louis fondly rolls his eyes as he heads over to the trees in the direction Nathan just went. He can feel and hear Harry walking behind him for a bit before breaking away from him. Louis counts every footstep he takes away from him, unable to deny that he’s a little lonesome when Harry goes off on his own.

Louis isn’t being overbearing. At least that’s what he tells himself as he trails his son at a distance to make sure he’s okay. He’s within sight just a few yards away, bending down to take a picture of something on the ground while Louis snaps a shot of the tall evergreen he’s standing under. His chest is nearly touching the trunk when he points his lens upward to where it appears to touch the red sky. Louis has no idea how that shot will look later when it’s printed, but for now it’s one of his favorites from this outing.

He snaps a few more of the tree’s low-hanging branches as he slowly backs away from it. Louis runs into something tall that doesn’t feel very tree-like when he stumbles onto it. It doesn’t sound very tree-like either when it chuckles over Louis’ startled apology.

“You following me now?” Harry snaps a photo of Louis just as he was about to answer, causing him to give Harry a flat look.

“I was not following you. I was hanging out with this tree. _You_ found _me_.”

Louis snaps a quick picture of Harry as payback, grinning in victory when he gets nothing but nostrils and his open mouth.

“Oh, that was _super_ flattering,” Louis sniggers. “We should totally post it online. I’m sure everyone else would agree.”

Harry doesn’t seem to agree when he fondly rolls his eyes. “We are _not_ posting that.” He makes a grab for the camera in Louis’ hands but he skillfully moves it out of reach.

“Oh, come on, Haz! The people deserve to see this!” he shrieks when Harry makes lunge for him and the camera. “It’s their right!”

“No, it isn’t! Which is why we’re _so_ deleting it,” he laughs as Louis yanks the camera away from him and takes shelter under the giant evergreen from before. “ _Louis_ ,” he warns as he closes in on him. “Give it to me.”

“But, this photograph could really go places: your website, your Instagram, _my_ Instragram.”

“It’s going nowhere,” he cackles, “Now hand it over.”

Harry is so close to him now that every fleck of color in his eyes is visible in the last few rays of sunset. He holds Louis’ gaze before glancing down at his wide smirk like he’s only just noticed their proximity as well. All Harry would have to do is lean in another inch to kiss him, which is probably why it feels as though Louis’ lungs have been ripped out of his chest when it doesn’t happen.

Louis’ world stops turning for a moment as he closes his eyes. When he opens them again he’s able to hear other sounds besides his own heart thumping loudly in his ears.

Someone who isn’t Harry is talking to him. Someone who doesn’t sound half as disappointed as Louis feels when Harry regrettably steps back to put space between them. He hadn’t even realized Harry was holding his hand until his wedding band feels like dead weight without Harry’s strong hand there to counter it.

“Daddy, look!” Louis clears his throat and stoops down to see what Nathan is holding in his hands when he runs up to them. A tiny green frog tries to make a break for it when Nathan widens hands for him to see.

“Wow, love. Look at that,” Louis smiles completely unsurprised that his son has been crawling around in the mud all this time. “Did you take a photo so you’ll always remember him?” he asks. Nathan says he took three just as Louis sees a couple of quick flashes of light from somewhere behind them. Harry lowers his camera looking completely unapologetic when Louis grins over his shoulder at him. He guesses Nathan isn’t the only one with something memorable he doesn’t want to forget.

*

Back at Harry’s all three of them step out of their wet shoes and socks that are soaked with mud as well as the fresh rain that started falling just before they left.

It’s later than Louis would’ve guessed since their photoshoot ran way past sunset and they needed to make sure none of Harry’s cameras got damaged. Not that Louis minded helping with that of course. Ever since those few seconds in the woods together, all Louis has wanted is to be near him. He doesn’t know what that means exactly, but he’s not going to question it. Especially when Harry keeps tripping over his words and blinking away anytime their arms so much as brush.  

All three of them are in dire need of a bath and also dry clothes once they’re back upstairs so Louis gets to work making that happen by getting him and Nate cleaned up and ready for bed.

There’s a knock on the guestroom door just as Louis is helping Nate into his t-shirt. Louis is still half-dressed himself even though he got out of the shower ages ago. He quickly grabs a t-shirt out of his bag when Harry pokes his head in carrying a steaming mug and a pair of striped socks because Louis was rushing around at home and forgot to pack extras.

Harry sets the hot mug down on the bedside table while very adamantly not looking at Louis while he finishes getting dressed. There’s nothing to see on his skin tonight. Even the faint bruises that were visible last weekend have faded away so Louis can’t figure out why Harry’s acting so shy.

“The tea is for you. I thought you might like some since you always make it at your house.” Louis would like some. Tea before bed is so ingrained in him he can hardly sleep without it. “And the socks are for Nate so his feet stay nice and warm.” He tosses them to Nathan without warning and then gives him a high-five when he catches them with ease. “Er-Sorry they aren’t dinosaurs. They’re my niece’s,” he apologizes.

Nathan doesn’t seem to care what’s printed on them or whom they belong to when he quickly slides them on. He’s too excited about his new collection of Polaroids spread out all over the bed and petting Oscar to death to care about anything else.

“Thanks, Harry,” Louis says on both their behalves since his son is a bit distracted at the moment. “You’re a life saver. Seriously. You’re like Superman or something,” he teases. Louis is really starting to think that with how wonderful Harry has turned out to be.

“Stop,” he rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t deny being fantastic. “Is there anything else you need?” he asks. “You’re sure you’re okay sharing the guest room, because I could always take the couch.”

Harry has already earned the title of world’s best host by giving them shampoo, extra towels, and even Oscar to keep them company for the night since Nate loves him so much. At one point he came in, took all their wet clothes, and put them in the wash just so Louis could focus on getting Nathan ready for bed instead of worrying about laundry.

“Harry, thank you for offering, but I’m not taking your bed from you. And besides, I think we’ll be alright. Won’t we, Nate?” Louis grins as he ruffles his son’s hair that’s still a little damp from his bath. Louis can’t think of anything else they need. Everyone is clean and dry and dressed for bed. All Louis has left to do is read to Nathan which will more than likely leave him snoring within ten minutes.

“Oh, okay.” Harry says as he glances around the room in search of something else he can do. He seems a little upset when he comes up empty. Without meaning to, his gaze briefly lands on Louis and then moves down to his lips. He clears his throat and tears his eyes away from them so quickly that Louis wonders if he just imagined that happening at all.

“Well, if you’re sure,” Harry says after clearing his throat again. “But, if you do need anything...”

“I’ll let you know right away. Sure thing,” Louis promises, unable to stop himself from grinning when Harry wishes them a good night and trips over his own feet on his way out the door.

He’s only gone for a minute or so before Louis breaks the sad news to Nathan that it’s time to put away his photos and get ready to go to sleep. Nathan lets Oscar go and then settles in under the covers as asked even though his face shows all the signs of wanting to stay awake a little longer. He tucks himself under Louis’ arm so he can see the book he chose to bring with them; an all-time favorite of his called none other than _Dinosaur Roar_.

A soft knock on the door makes everyone pause and look up just as Louis was about to begin reading. It’s Harry again of course who winces when he realizes he just crashed story time.

“I’m interrupting. I know. I’m so sorry,” he whispers and Louis can’t help but find it cute the way he chews at his bottom lip.

“No, Haz, it’s fine. Come on in. What’s up?”

He tiptoes in and lays a thick blanket at the foot of the bed making Louis grin because, yes, Harry has been incredibly kind tonight and Harry-like as always, but he’s also just finding excuses to be in here now.

“I, uh, I just know how chilly this room can get at night so I thought maybe you could use this?” It’s nearly summer and it won’t be cool enough for that blanket for at least six months but Louis doesn’t point that out as Harry anxiously drums his fingers against his thighs. “That’s all, so I’ll just, uh. I’ll go now. See you both tomorrow?”

He turns to leave again but Louis stops him before he can go.

“Harry? Would you maybe like to stay and listen? Or read? I don’t mind if you want to take over for a bit.”

“Me? Er- _No_ , that’s okay,” he insists with a nervous sort of chuckle at the floor. “I know that’s your special thing with Nathan…un-unless of course _you_ want me to.”

“It’s completely up to you,” Louis shrugs. “We were just going to read a bit and then go to sleep, but you’re more than welcome to hang out.”

For a few seconds, Harry looks like he’s considering it before he shakes his head. “No. I’m already making it impossible for you two to get any rest because I keep coming in here.” Louis wouldn’t say that, though he is pretty entertaining running back and forth just to pop in and chat. “I am so sorry. I have no idea what I’m doing,” he laughs before giving a resigned sigh. “Alright, I’m officially leaving. For good this time,” he promises.

“It’s more than okay, but alright,” Louis laughs as he exits the room just as quickly as he came, but this time, takes extra care to not trip.

“Goodnight,” he calls through the door even though they’ve each said that word a dozen times tonight.

“Is he coming back?” Nate asks through a wide yawn after more than thirty seconds has passed without Harry tap-tapping on their door.

“I don’t know. Probably,” Louis smiles to himself hoping that he does.

Louis is half-way through their book when he feels Nathan’s deep, sleepy breaths blowing over his shirt and he hears someone else’s footsteps quietly go past their door.

It’s Harry. It must be since Oscar is still sleeping near Nathan’s feet. Louis’ stomach flutters as he waits for Harry to knock, but all he can make out is the shadow of his feet indecisively shuffling outside the door before disappearing altogether along with the butterflies that were just getting started.

Harry must’ve changed his mind about whatever he wanted this time. That’s the only explanation Louis has for the way he determinedly retreats back down the corridor towards his own bedroom.

Staring at the door isn’t going to make Harry come back or walk through it again, and yet Louis can’t take his eyes off it or stop wishing that he would. It’s obvious that Harry wants something from him. Louis has felt it ever since the moment Harry backed him against that evergreen in the woods, but something stopped him then and the same something is stopping him now. Louis just wishes he knew what that is.

It becomes apparent that Harry won’t be coming back anytime soon when another few minutes have passed without so much as a peep. In truth, he shouldn’t even want Harry to come back to his room. The two of them are just friends and he does have Chris, but still. He can’t help picturing what it would be like if the ring on his finger wasn’t a factor.

Louis gently puts _Dinosaur Roar_ away on the bedside table and better tucks the covers around his son where he’s still fast asleep on his side of the bed. He presses a kiss to his temple wondering what he’s getting himself into when he doesn’t turn down the covers on his side of the bed to join him.

Louis should turn off the light, slide in next to his son, and go to sleep just like he had originally planned; like he knows he should one-hundred percent do, but something about tonight is telling him not to.

He finds Harry at a standstill in the middle of the corridor when he quietly closes the guestroom door behind him. Louis can see the blood immediately rushing to Harry’s cheeks the moment their eyes lock and he realizes he’s been caught pacing outside his own bedroom instead of just going inside it like his brain is probably telling him to.  

“Lou,” he breathes. “I-I wasn’t going to bother you again, I swear.” He briefly shuts his eyes when Louis’ lips pull up into a grin watching him fumble for what to say. “I was just going to get some water,” he tries.

Louis stopped listening before Harry even opened his mouth. He walks up to him until they’re toe to toe and then chest to chest and Harry’s excuses have gone dry. His breath catches from the way Louis pulls at his shirt collar to stop him from babbling and finally connects their lips. Louis’ world stopping doesn’t even begin to describe how right it feels to be standing here with a man who makes him feel like he can do anything. Even this.

Harry is hesitant at first to do more than just stand there in astonishment until Louis encourages him with a sure squeeze of his bicep and a brave swipe of his tongue. The eager sounds Harry makes against his lips is enough to let Louis know that Harry has wanted this and has been feeling this building just as much as him. Harry never would’ve made it happen on his own. He would’ve spent all night making up excuses to talk to him instead of just ignoring that incredibly sweet, considerate, and gentlemanly side of him that had resolved to leave Louis in the guestroom all night when all he wanted was to be right here.

This is so much better. Feeling Harry’s hands slide through his hair to eventually settle around his waist and tasting the way his breaths stutter as Louis pushes them toward his bedroom is so much better. Louis can’t believe he ever considered falling to sleep tonight without kissing him goodnight. To be fair, he doesn’t know how he has done so all along.


	4. Chapter 4

Louis expects to see a princess clock staring him in the face when he wakes up the next morning but instead he’s met with a midnight-colored duvet that smells like flowery sandalwood and an empty, sleep-rumbled spot next to him that looks mysteriously Harry-shaped.

Falling asleep in Harry’s room last night wasn’t Louis’ intention even though that’s exactly what happened after they spent the whole night wrapped up together. Louis’ lips hold a delightful tingle when he gently runs his fingers over them remembering every kiss they shared but also the fact that besides that, nothing happened. It was just innocent and sometimes not-so-innocent kissing, but Louis can’t remember the last time he was in bed with someone who simply wanted to be near him. It certainly never happens with his husband. Maybe that’s why Louis didn’t exactly feel the need to rush out last night when he and Harry started drifting off. Louis felt completely comfortable and happy lying next to someone who didn’t expect a thing from him besides an equal share of the covers.

He figures Harry slipped away to pick up breakfast the same as he did last time Louis stayed here so he slips out of bed too to go check on his little troublemaker who is usually a very early riser as well.

Nathan isn’t there when Louis tries to sneak in and pretend like he slept in the guest room all night. There’s no sign of him anywhere except the familiar sound of his little voice coming from somewhere else in the flat.

Louis locates the two people he was missing in the kitchen. One is working hard over the stove with a spatula in his hand while the other is standing up in a chair to see over the counter while he helps with whatever smells so sweet and so fucking good.

“What are you guys cooking over there?”

Louis’ question makes both boys whip their heads around like they didn’t expect him to be up anytime soon.

“We’re making French toast,” his son informs him with messy hands and an equally messy shirt. “Harry said I could help.”

Harry looks cleaner than the five-year-old in the room, though not by much when he grins over his shoulder with lips just as pink and incriminating as Louis’. “We’re almost done. I was just coming to wake you.”

“Well, thank you both because everything smells delicious.” Food was one of the first things Louis wanted when he opened his eyes so he’s starving. “You two did such a great job, but unfortunately, I think we’re going to have to find something else for Nate,” he winces, hating every time he has to be the bearer of bad news when it comes to food. If Nate eats any of that Louis will have to dig out that emergency Epipen that stays in his backpack at all times.

“No, we don’t. He’s allergic to eggs. I know,” Harry nods as Louis watches his son dunk another slice of bread into a bowl full of fucking _eggs_. “Hey, Nate. This French toast is special though, isn’t it? Because we made it with what?”

“Cornstarch! So I can have some too,” Nathan finishes for him.

“You remembered that about him?” Louis has spent the past five years reminding Chris of their child’s allergy. He’s probably only mentioned it once to Harry and he went and made a whole breakfast that’s completely safe for him to eat.

“Of course I did. When you said you two were coming down I looked up some things we all could try. We want to bake some cookies today too if you’re up for it.”

“Harry bought applesauce so we can make them just like you do, daddy.”

Louis can’t believe he did all that with such short notice. Usually, the only people who have patience enough to use egg substitutes are his mother and himself.

“Uh- Yeah. Sure. Cookies sound great actually. You two can do all the hard work for a change,” he chuckles.

He watches Harry finish cooking the last few pieces of French toast at the stove and then bring them over to the table along with the strawberries and bottle of syrup he once gushed about over the phone. There’s even powdered sugar here for Louis since he likes it best.

“You two have been quite busy this morning,” he comments as Nathan piles more food than Louis could possibly eat onto his plate as Harry pours him some coffee.

“We worked _really_ hard,” Nathan says through a mouthful of sugary bread once he sits down next to him. “And guess what! Harry says there _is_ a big park here. They don’t have paddle boats but he says another place does and we can go there later if you say it’s okay. So, is it okay? Can we go?”

Louis catches the way Harry is innocently grinning over his own mug of coffee at him and lightly kicks at his giant bare feet under the table.

“Hope you didn’t have plans for a lazy Saturday,” Harry smirks.

A day spent running after these two sounds pretty good to him. Actually, it sounds perfect.

*

Louis is dead on his feet by the time they get back to Harry’s after spending two hours at the park, another couple of hours at the pond Harry used to love as a child, and then on a whim and also to back up Harry’s claim to Nathan that crocodiles are basically living dinosaurs, they decided to spend the rest of the day at the zoo. Just for the hell of it.  

It’s been such an easy and magnificent day. Probably the best day he and Nathan have had in months and it only gets better when Louis gets to collapse on the couch, listening to the boys get started on their experimental baking in the kitchen not even five minutes later; a doughy, sugary train wreck just waiting to happen that Louis won’t be responsible for cleaning up.

This must be what heaven is like.

As predicted, the kitchen is a complete mess and so are Nathan and Harry by the time the cookies are out of the oven. The flat smells fantastic though and Louis can’t help but find the two of them sweet when they present him (and an unimpressed Oscar) with their finished product.

Louis is forced to try one and give his esteemed opinion when Nathan claims they’re the best cookies in the entire world and Harry whole-heartedly backs up his claim. As it turns out, they’re not wrong. Even if they are covered in flour from head to toe.

Harry and Nathan watch him chewing until he laughs from having two pairs of wide eyes staring at him so attentively. “Alright, they’re the best cookies,” Louis admits. “You two were right. You may brag,” he rolls his eyes.

“The best eggless cookies in the entire _world_ ,” Harry corrects him before biting into one himself. “The title’s very important to us. It’s a respect thing.”

It’s an annoyingly cute Harry thing really because Louis wants to kiss that smirk right off his face. And he plans to. They just have to finish their cookies first.

*

They crash into Harry’s room as soon as Nathan is in bed later, nearly toppling over each other in their refusal to separate long enough to see where the hell they’re going. Louis’ skin has been aflame all day with little sparks that set off every time Harry touched him, _looked_ at him for longer than a beat. The only thing that stopped Louis from doing something about it was the presence of his son who also glows anytime Harry’s around. He’s like some bright light that you can’t look away from drawing in any who stand in his path, however the fire that’s been stoking inside of Louis today is so great it could burn down this whole town.

The strong pair of arms around Louis’ waist slide further down for a better grip around his bum after Louis kicks the door shut behind him. One second he’s pushing up to meet Harry’s eager mouth and the next he’s being lifted in the air. He tightens his thighs around Harry for the quick journey to the bed and then resumes chasing the sweet heat of Harry’s mouth again when they hit the mattress, his knees firmly planted on either side of Harry’s waist to keep himself balanced.

All day long Louis has been restraining himself. He didn’t kiss Harry when he caught him stealing nervous glances in the car or after Harry finished paddling his son around the pond for a fourth _and_ fifth time because Louis was tired after the third. He also didn’t kiss him at lunch up on the rooftop again when he asked his friend Tom if they could have eggless noodles for Nathan’s spaghetti before Louis could think to ask himself. Louis has thanked him a million times for being so wonderful to them, but he hasn’t gotten to tell Harry all the other things he wants to say. Mostly, how Louis wishes they never had to leave; how much he loves being here with him. He couldn’t say those things earlier, but they’re alone together now and everything is quiet so Louis makes sure Harry can feel his gratitude with every slide of their lips. He hopes Harry never forgets it.

“L-Louis. Louis,” Harry pants out beneath him when their hips roll against each other. “ _Oh_ , _shit_ ,” he groans holding onto Louis’ hips wherever his hands can find a grip.

That breathless sound is like music to Louis’ ears, spurring him on to lick into Harry’s mouth even more.

Another desperate call of his name makes Louis grin from how much Harry is clearly enjoying this. “ _Haz,_ ” Louis hums back before rucking up his t-shirt to feel his heart pounding. Their hips collide again once Louis tugs at Harry’s plump lower lip with his teeth.

The speed with which Harry sits them up with a sharp intake of air is so quick that Louis nearly ends up on the floor. Harry doesn’t drop him. He takes in deep, measured breaths slowly letting them out again and looking anywhere except down at where Louis is still straddled across his lap.

Louis isn’t sure of what’s going on when Harry shuts his eyes completely like seeing Louis at all is too much. From his perspective, things were going just fine but then he watches Harry wince as he reaches between them to adjust himself in his jeans, his eyebrows knitted together in pain like he’d much rather just take them off. Now that Louis’ paying attention, he doesn’t know how he missed that. He was so focused on not holding back he hadn’t even noticed Harry struggling just to hold it together.

“Sorry,” Louis offers when he realizes he may have slightly overdone it.

Harry’s cheeks are flushed and his lips look like they did last night when Louis couldn’t stop kissing them, but he doesn’t look like he regrets it. “No, don’t apologize. I just need a moment to, uh- I was getting way ahead myself. _I’m_ sorry.”

“No, no, take your time. And I totally get it.” Louis does get it. He hadn’t noticed before now, but he’s straining against his jeans as well. Chris usually takes precedence over any situation like this so Louis usually just ignores what his body does. However, it’s difficult to think about much else when they’re both this hard.

Harry does what Louis said and takes his time. He waits until his pulse slows and then allows his hands to comfortably rest on Louis’ waist again.  

“I’m good now. Sorry I stopped us like that,” Harry says even though he has nothing to apologize for.

“I already told you it’s more than okay, Haz.”

Louis leans into the soft kiss Harry presses to his jaw and then to his lips making his stomach come alive with butterflies this time instead of flames.

Harry laces their fingers together and grins at the sight of them overlapping and Louis wishes they hadn’t stopped. If anyone should’ve backed off it’s Louis, but he was just so eager to be with Harry again tonight that he got a little carried away. He wasn’t thinking; he hasn’t had to since the moment Harry pulled him in a few minutes ago but Louis doesn’t think that’s grounds for an apology. If anything, it’s enlightenment. He’s never felt so good and so sure with anybody.

“W-We could keep going.” The suggestion is so soft that Louis’ not even sure it was heard until Harry takes another even breath and releases it.

“I would love to. Trust me.” The way his left dimple appears in his left cheek tells Louis just how much he’d be up for that. Louis’ eyelids flutter closed when Harry reclaims his mouth, slowly like he’s savoring the feel and taste of it. When he pulls back his eyes fondly trail over Louis’ face making him smile too because no one has ever looked at him like that. No one has ever made him feel like he’s their first choice instead of second best to someone else, however the feeling doesn’t last long when Harry’s eyes flit over the thick band of silver on Louis’ ring finger.

Louis’ first instinct is to wiggle his hand out of Harry’s so he can hide it, but it’s not like he hasn’t already seen it. They both know there’s something they aren’t mentioning; some _one_ who should care that Louis is here. Louis forgets all about him when Harry lifts his chin to look in his eyes.

“I want to if that’s what you want, but this isn’t really my call, Lou.” Harry tells him after a long pause that leaves Louis wondering what Harry must think of him. “It’s completely up to you.”

If it were truly up to Louis, he would’ve met Harry five years ago and Nathan would be _their_ son. They’d live here in this small flat together instead of the house Chris bought in Doncaster and every day would be just like this one. They’d be that couple who can’t stop taking photos of each other; loving each other, and Harry would always look at him the way he is right now. Like maybe he wishes some of the same things. Possibly all of them.

Those aren’t their lives of course. Louis married Chris and his life at home is the complete opposite from the one he could’ve had here, but that doesn’t mean they can’t pretend.

Harry doesn’t stop him when their lips meet again, easy and gentle like one wrong move could break everything. Louis goes willingly when Harry carefully leans back against the mattress again with Louis held close against him.

Harry’s shirt is already half-way up to his chest from earlier so Louis breaks their kiss to finish pulling it over his head. He can feel Harry already getting hard again as he kisses down the warm skin of Harry’s torso. He keeps going until he hits the denim resting just below Harry’s hips and then quickly unbuttons his jeans with practiced hands.  

It’s a little strange at first when he kneels at the foot of the bed and sinks his mouth around him. Harry smells and tastes so different from what he’s used to. It feels different too as Louis works his hollowed cheeks up and down his length because Harry is lying perfectly still for him. Or at least, he’s trying to, but he trembles with every swipe of Louis’ tongue.

Without very much effort at all, little gasps start falling from Harry’s parted lips every time Louis drags his mouth over sensitive skin. He judges how close Harry is by the way his thighs tense up trying to hold out. Harry chooses to ball up the sheets in his fists instead of puling Louis’ hair when Louis’ throat constricts around him and he suddenly spills without warning.  

Harry is quiet and his eyes are squeezed shut when Louis peeks up at him like maybe he didn’t mean to do that. He probably didn’t want to come from just Louis’ mouth which isn’t surprising because Chris rarely does either.

“Shit. I am so sorry, Lou. I didn’t think I was that close. I- I thought I had time to warn you,” he begins, but Louis didn’t mind. Harry coming undone was kind of the whole point and he’s determined to make it happen again. He stands up from the floor to go find the lube and open himself up, but Harry doesn’t let him take a single step away.

He takes Louis’ hand and guides him onto the bed in his place like he’s going to return the favor.

“Y-You don’t have to do this,” Louis stutters out, but Harry only pauses long enough to meet his eyes, kiss his lips, and assure Louis that he wants to.

Louis feels a little out of place as Harry lavishes attention on only him, kissing at every inch of visible skin he can find. He raises a questioning eyebrow at the hem of Louis’ t-shirt before he makes a move probably sensing that being undressed this way is new for him. Louis lifts his arms so Harry can remove it, breathing a quiet sigh of relief that his skin isn’t bruised up tonight. There are still marks on it of course, however these aren’t the kind that’ll be fading away any time soon.

There are two flesh-colored scars on his right bicep from a fight years ago where Chris pushed him into their dresser, and another raised mark on his chest from the morning he accidently burned breakfast. There’s also a small nick on the side of his head just behind his ear from that time Chris shoved him against a brick wall during a night out where he thought Louis was flirting with someone else, but that’s only visible when Louis’ hair is freshly cut. Thankfully, Harry can’t see that one. He only notices the big ones and gently presses his lips over each one.

He takes Louis’ jeans off next even though he looks terrified to find even more injuries from the past. There aren’t any. Just a small scar above his right knee he got when he was seven because he didn’t listen when his mother told him not to run up the stairs. It always makes him smile because Nathan has a scar there too and for the very same reason. That one is so old that Harry doesn’t even see it. He grins up at Louis instead and then settles down on the floor between his knees. The air is stolen right out of Louis’ lungs when Harry slides his tongue down the slit of his tip before taking Louis all the way into his mouth.

It’s been so long since someone has done this for Louis that he almost forgot how amazing it can feel. Chris couldn’t be bothered after they got married, but Harry certainly doesn’t seem to mind sucking him off.

He’s breathing Louis in and taking him down his throat so deep that Louis is now the one trembling on the mattress because he can’t moan the way he wants to with Nathan sleeping just down the corridor. Louis can’t find the right order of words to properly warn Harry when he can feel himself teetering just on the edge. Like magnets, Louis’ hands find their way into Harry’s hair, locked there to keep himself grounded as the pit of his stomach swirls in heat. Under normal circumstances, getting this close to coming wouldn’t even be a possibility for him, but Harry coaxes him to the edge as he rubs little circles over his hipbones and widens his throat around him like an invitation.

Harry doesn’t let up with his pace until Louis curls in on himself and comes so hard it sends goose bumps racing down the back of his neck from the shock of it. The first thing Louis registers over the taste of blood on the inside of his jaw and the sound of Harry licking over his own lips is that he feels cold. He isn’t for very long before Harry crawls up his body, his lips warming every spot they touch on their way to Louis’ mouth.

“Hi,” he grins down at him after Louis’ heartrate has slowed back to its normal rhythm.

“Hi yourself,” Louis laughs, watching as Harry’s eyes crinkle up in the corners.

Harry runs his thumb down the cut of his jaw and moves Louis’ fringe out of the way so all Louis can see is forest green staring back at him.

“Keep going?” he whispers. Harry searches his face for any signs of uncertainty, his lips tugging up into a fresh grin when he finds none and Louis presses up to recapture his lips.

“Keep going.”

Harry digs through his bedside table for a bottle of lube and a condom to bring back to the bed. Seeing them makes Louis’ a little anxious knowing this is really happening, but it’s a good kind of energy running through him when Harry sits against the headboard and pulls Louis into his lap.

Louis’ heart is in his throat while Harry takes his time opening him up rather than treating it like some chore he can’t wait to be done with. Nothing hurts. Not the steady presence of his lips against Louis’ skin or even the moment Harry slips on a condom and eases inside of Louis right where he is. From then on, it’s hard for Louis to focus on anything besides the sound of his own uneven breaths leaving his lungs while his body adjusts to the change in size.

He keeps waiting for Harry to start moving, anticipating the remainder of his air being pushed out, but Harry stays perfectly still, allowing Louis to start them off whenever he’s ready.

Controlling the pace is different for Louis but he quickly reacquaints himself with the feeling, making sure to lift himself up and down in a continuous, smooth motion that has his heart racing in minutes. He watches Harry’s lips part a little more with every roll of his hips until he’s biting at them to keep himself quiet. That approach to Louis fucking himself on top of him only works for a little while before Harry is gently thrusting up to meet him, moaning when they meet in the middle at just the right spot that makes Louis forget to swallow down the cry he makes.

He’s too shaken up and too sensitive from coming earlier to regain his previous rhythm. It falters so much that Harry gently eases out of him and only pushes back in once Louis is safely lying back against the pillows with his knees back as far as they’ll go.

He keeps waiting for Harry’s movements inside of him to turn painful now that he’s the one hovering over him and controlling their pace, but it doesn’t.

“Are you okay?” Harry breathes when Louis makes a sound at the back of his throat from Harry hitting his spot again. “Are you close?” Louis just came but he can feel himself getting ready to do so again with Harry snapping his hips into him.

Harry runs his teeth along Louis’ jaw, moving down his adam’s apple to taste the sweat there. His mouth is as gentle as it’s been all night where it’s trailing along Louis’ neck, but the sensation still makes Louis’ feel panicked all of a sudden as the heat pooling in his stomach sinks lower. He can’t breathe when he turns his head away from him like he’s been burned and Harry immediately removes his mouth from his throat.

“You’re alright,” he whispers. “Just look at me. Focus on me.”

Louis faces him again, feeling their noses bump as Harry talks him down and then presses their mouths together. Eventually, the anxiety of somehow being choked again goes away and he feels safe again with Harry assuring him that he is. Louis pushes Chris and the fear that he has created out of his mind and pretends none of the fights, arguments, or scars of the past five years ever happened because right now he has Harry, and that’s everything.

*

Louis can’t remember the last time he laid next to someone without an inch of space between their naked bodies. Not even sleeping because being awake with each other is so much better. He grins when Harry does from his side of their shared pillow.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Harry says, but his eyes are saying something different. “I mean… I was just wondering if-” Louis watches Harry let out a long sigh as he mentally wars with himself about whatever it is he’s too afraid to ask. “Never mind. It’s nothing,” he decides again and then presses a kiss to the hand he’s been holding for the past hour. He tries to paste on another easy grin, but Louis can tell something is off about it.

“It’s not nothing,” Louis realizes. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

Harry opens his mouth a few times to say whatever it is, reluctant as ever before words finally come out.

“Do you love him?” he asks. “Even with the awful things he’s done to you? Because I know that he’s your husband. You have a child together. It’s complicated, I’m sure, but I just. I was just curious.”

Their child is safe and happy sleeping just down the corridor, and Louis’ ring is currently hidden in the safety of Harry’s hands which makes him feel a lot better about what he’s about to say.

“I did. I used to,” he admits after a long pause, but that was when they’d first gotten married and he thought Chris loved him too. Before he took Louis and made him into a version of himself he didn’t recognize. But thankfully, his true self shines through a little more every day thanks mostly in part to this man in front of him who one day said hello and has been there for Louis ever since.

“How did you know?” Louis whispers, remembering how he used to live for Harry messaging him back and making his day. Harry befriended him when he needed someone in his corner. Louis never told Harry that he needed him, and yet somehow he just knew.

Harry reaches across the pillow with his other hand to move the longer pieces of Louis’ fringe behind his ear, his fingertips just missing the tiny scar hidden there.

“I didn’t,” he answers after a while. “I suspected after I got to know you better, but I had hoped I was wrong. I wanted so badly to be wrong.” Louis wishes he had been. “You seemed sad,” Harry finally decides on after a moment of deliberation. “And I could tell something wasn’t right because you talked about Nate every single day and you lit up, but anytime you even mentioned Chris it’s like that light went out. It felt like you were almost afraid to shine too bright. Like you were afraid of him.”

Louis hadn’t realized it was so obvious. If Harry could figure that much out about him in such a short span of time then he wonders what everyone else must think.

“I’m so sorry for getting you involved with my shit.” He tries to apologize, but Harry doesn’t let it happen for a second.

“No, Louis, you have nothing to be sorry for. That’s not what I meant. I just- I knew what to look for and what to pay attention to because I know what it’s like to not have any say. I know what it’s like to be with someone who’s abusive.”

It sounds like such a dirty word which is probably why no one has ever said it to him, including himself.

“Someone hit you?” Louis’ stomach churns just thinking about somebody hurting Harry.

“No. He never hurt me physically. We were over before it ever got to that, but it did get pretty bad,” he admits. “After a while of being with him I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I didn’t even realize what was happening. Only that I was different somehow. I had no idea it was because _he_ was changing me.”

It definitely sounds familiar. Louis knows all too well what that hopelessness feels like. He’s been trying to outrun it for years but it feels like Chris is always right at his heels.

“I had always been so happy and I just didn’t feel that way anymore with Brian. He was always a little jealous so he didn’t like me going out or seeing people without him. Eventually, most of my friends got so tired of dealing with our drama that they didn’t want to hang out with me anyway, so that was easy for him,” Harry says with a humorless chuckle. “It didn’t start that way, but soon there was an argument every time I left our flat. He always had something negative to say about what I wore or ate, and mostly, he just liked to make me feel like shit. He’d tell me all these awful things about myself and made me believe them. It’s like he took away everything that makes me, _me_.”

The sad person that Harry just described sounds a lot like the person that Louis is on most days, but he’s looking in Harry’s eyes right now and there isn’t a trace of that fear or insecurity. Maybe he’ll get there one day too.

“So, what happened?” Louis asks, wondering how Harry went from that to this.

“I lived with him for over a year before I finally got the courage to leave,” Harry continues. “The last straw was him trying to convince me not to start my photography business and saying I wasn’t good enough. I told him no because photography was the only thing I had left. I knew that if he wanted me to give up on something that was so important to me and that I had worked so hard for that he couldn’t love me the way he said. That’s when I knew I had to get out.”

Louis feels his eyes stinging, grateful that Harry made it through that. He can’t believe someone told Harry he wasn’t good enough to pursue his career when Harry is the best. Louis has been so in awe of him. He’s in awe of the person Harry is in this moment because he stood up for himself when it mattered, but Louis is also angry because he wishes he had done the same thing.

“I didn’t even put up a fight,” Louis says under his breath. He has experienced the same type of belittlement as Harry over the past five years but worse because the abuser in his life enjoys giving him physical wounds as well as mental ones. He didn’t think his husband would do anything to hurt him, but clearly, he was wrong. “Chris asked me to give up photography and I did it. Just like that.”

Louis uses his free hand to wipe at his burning eyes, hating that he let Chris win. Why the hell did he do that?

“No, you took a break for your son,” Harry corrects him, now helping to wipe away the tears that manage to escape despite Louis trying to hold them in. “I was alone, but you had Nathan to think about and he used that, Louis.” Louis knows that on some level, but the fact that it was so easy for Chris to strip away everything makes him feel like such an idiot. Liam and his mother saw it almost immediately after they were married. They even told Louis several times that he should leave and he just _didn’t_.

“Why couldn’t I see it?” he chokes out when his throat burns so bad it feels like it’s on fire. “Why couldn’t I see what he was doing to me when everyone else could?” Louis got good at making excuses and lying to the people he cares about to cover it all up because he thought things would get better. It’s never going to get better. All he did was help Chris destroy who he was.

Harry coaxes Louis closer to him, tucking Louis’ head under his chin to rest against his bare chest. He takes Louis’ hand in his again and presses a kiss to the back of it.

“Because,” Harry whispers. “You loved him and he was supposed to love you back.”

“But he doesn’t.” It’s not even a question anymore. It’s just the truth.

“No, he doesn’t, but other people do,” Harry grins into his hair before dropping a kiss to his head. “There are people who love you so much, Louis.”

He thinks Harry might be one of them. Harry hasn’t said so, but Louis can feel it with every beat of his heart.

*

“I’m going to be fine,” Louis assures Harry as he locates all the remaining articles of clothing from the weekend strewn all over Harry’s bedroom floor. Louis tosses them all into his bag and zips it up leaving Harry with a half-broken smile and a cute worry wrinkle between his eyebrows that he’s had all morning. “He’s never even home these days,” Louis chuckles when Harry flops down at the foot of his bed looking entirely unconvinced and unhappy about it all. “I promise you that Nate and I will be just fine.”

Louis yelps when he’s suddenly pulled onto Harry’s lap and met with a deep kiss that feels more like _don’t go_ than a goodbye. “Keep doing that and I’ll have no choice but to move in,” Louis teases with his heart absolutely pounding in his ears. He doesn’t want to leave any more than Harry wants him to, but they both know he doesn’t belong here. Not really.

“You have to promise me you’ll let me know if you need anything at all. I can be in Doncaster in thirty minutes.”

“It’s an hour-long trip, but, okay. Yes. I do solemnly swear.”

“I’ll make it there in thirty, and stop it. This is serious,” Harry whines when Louis responds by kissing a line down the slope of his nose. “And I want you to text or call me at least once a day… but not in an abusive, controlling way. I’m just worried,” he clarifies when it sounds like he’s barking orders. As if Louis didn’t already know that.

“I’m listening, Haz. And I will annoy you so much that you’re going to want to change your number. I promise.”

Louis connects their lips again, taking time to memorize what Harry’s tastes like until he hears Nathan announce that he’s finished packing all his things from down the corridor.

“You don’t have to go so soon,” Harry says in a last-ditch effort to keep him here when he pulls away. “I know Nate has school tomorrow, but it’ll be summer break for him in a few weeks. Maybe when it starts back again he can just enroll here?”

How Harry came to be so lovely and wonderful, Louis will never understand.

“Yeah, except we don’t actually live here though, but nice try,” Louis snorts. He kisses Harry again, unsure of where his son even is at the moment. Somewhere trying to figure out a way to sneak Oscar home with them more than likely. “We’ll be back before you know it, Haz.”

With Chris gone so often they even may be back within the week.

“And if he’s there? If he asks questions what are you going to say?

Louis has had to come up with a couple of quick excuses each time Chris has texted to check up on him. There’s no reason why Louis can’t keep using it.

“Then I’ll tell him I was at my mum’s,” he shrugs knowing it’s the one place in the world he can go to without Chris saying a word.

*

Contrary to what Harry thought, Chris wasn’t waiting for them when they got back to Doncaster so Louis didn’t even have to use his excuse. He did however have to have a serious conversation with his son that he’s not too proud of. Louis’ lie about staying over at his mother’s only works if he and Nathan are on the same page. To Nathan, Cheshire and everything about it including Oscar, Niall, Zayn, and Harry’s family is just another one of their little secrets like Louis’ laptop hidden under the sink or when uncle Liam comes over to visit. Only they know about it, so therefore, there’s nothing to talk about.  

Not being able to tell anybody about Harry is one of the hardest things Louis has ever done. He talks to Harry multiple times each day and falls for him just a tiny bit more. He is the best thing to ever happen to Louis and all he wants is to scream about it but he knows that’s impossible.

Any day that Nathan doesn’t have school becomes Louis’ favorite because those are the opportunities they seize to pack up and leave Doncaster behind for a bit. Soon enough, they’re spending more weekends at Harry’s than at home and it’s great, but unfortunately their sudden absence doesn’t go unnoticed.

Louis has been regurgitating his excuse about staying at his mum’s so much that eventually he realizes they haven’t seen her in a month. She misses them and she’s worried something is wrong so one day Louis drives across town instead of all the way to Cheshire so they can all spend some overdue quality time together.

His mother isn’t the only person they haven’t seen in a while. Liam misses them too and he worries twice as much as Harry because he always has. He thinks something bad has happened with Chris again that’s making Louis stay away. Louis knows this because there have been times that Liam has come to the house to make sure he and Nate are okay only to find out no one was home, then speed over to Louis’ mother’s house and realize they weren’t there either rendering Louis’ lie useless. He calls a lot, just trying to figure what the hell is going on and Louis feels sick each time he hits ignore because he doesn’t know what to say.

He can’t keep doing that to his best friend. He can’t let him think something is wrong when for once in Louis’ life things feel right. Louis is going to tell him about the amazing new person in his life, he just doesn’t know how. What’s scarier is the thought he may not even have a best friend anymore after he does. Louis’ been lying to him for months.

It’s a Friday when Louis finally answers one of Liam’s hundreds of calls and agrees to meet him at their café. Louis walks in and immediately wants to go back the way he came when Liam comes running up to wrap him in a crushing hug.

“What the hell, Louis? Where have you been all this time?” he asks as their embrace drags on so long that Louis fears Liam will never let go. When he pulls away he holds Louis at arm’s length to check him over from head to toe. His smile comes easily when he finds no sign of Louis being hurt “Fuck, I’ve been losing my mind, but I’m so glad it was for nothing. Your mum said I was worrying over nothing but I just needed to see you in person to be sure, you know?”

“Yeah. I know and I’m sorry for scaring you.” Louis didn’t mean to disappear on his best friend. He’s just gotten himself into a weirdly complicated situation that only feels weirder and harder to explain when they sit down across from each other at the table.

They browse their menus together but Louis isn’t reading a single word of his. He’s been trying to come up with what to say to Liam since he left home and he has yet to think of anything that won’t end in an argument or worse.  

“I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you a lot,” Liam says. When Louis glances up, Liam is wearing a relieved smile that crinkles his friend’s eyes and makes Louis feel guilty all over again.

“I’ve missed you too, Li. So much.”

Liam looks pleased to hear that as he playfully kicks at Louis’ foot under the table. “Well, if you miss me so much stop evaporating into thin air,” he laughs. “Whatever you’ve been up to all this time, you look amazing,” Liam compliments him after giving him another glance over. “Have you been on some relaxing tropical holiday that you didn’t tell anyone about?” he teases.

It’s just a joke, but all Louis can do is blink down at his hands and hope what he’s about to say won’t change his best friend’s opinion of him. He honestly doesn’t think he could take it. Not from Liam.

“About that.” Louis begins with a sick feeling swirling around in his stomach. “I, uh- I actually wanted to come here today and talk to you.”

There’s a long pause as Liam tries to work out why Louis has suddenly gone so quiet across from him.

“Okay. I’m listening,” he says carefully. “What’s it about?”

Louis takes a deep breath hoping to fill his lungs with the courage needed to do this.

“It’s about me mostly. And, um, also the man I’ve been seeing for the past few months…”

“ _Seeing._ ” Liam says the word like he’s never heard it before. “As in, like, _romantically_?”

Louis nods down at his hands, feeling Liam’s gaze glued to him. He starts talking, trying to explain the situation before Liam can yell.

“I- I need you to know that I didn’t mean to do this; to find him and fall for him as hard as I have, but Harry is just so-” Louis doesn’t even have the words to describe him. “He’s just so incredible, Li. And he is so good to me and to Nathan. It’s like I can finally breathe again whenever I’m with him,” Louis says, finally meeting Liam’s eyes that don’t seem to hold any judgment yet so he pushes on.

“He’s known about Chris the whole time so I haven’t been hiding anything from him. And I know what you’re thinking because, yes, technically I am cheating, but it doesn’t feel that way whenever we’re together. It just feels _right_. Like we were always meant to be.” Louis can’t help wondering if Harry’s been the one all along. Maybe Chris was just a pit stop along the way. “I know it sounds stupid and reckless because we’ve only known each other a few months. He doesn’t even live here so I’ve been driving back and forth to Cheshire every chance I get, so please believe me when I say I didn’t _mean_ to shut you out I just didn’t know what to say, and nobody knows about it except me and Nathan and now you, so just- please let’s keep it that way?” he says in one long breath that leaves his lungs empty and his chest feeling a million times lighter.

It’s dead silent in their little corner of the café when Louis finishes. The lack of reaction from his best friend has his skin crawling because he knows everything he just said is fucked up, but that doesn’t make it any less true. He meant every word.

Liam pushes away from the table and Louis’ heart sinks into the pit of his stomach hearing his chair slide across the floor. “Li, don’t. Please, I didn’t mean to upset you.” And apparently, he didn’t because the next thing Liam does after standing up and abandoning his seat is walk over to Louis’ side of the table to shush him and hug him even tighter than when he arrived.

“Er- Li?” Louis chuckles as he’s being squeezed unsure now if his best friend heard his confession correctly.

“Louis, that is wonderful and I am so happy for you,” his best friend says into his neck. Liam pulls back with a smile so bright that Louis is convinced he’s seeing things.

“Um… thank you?”

Liam goes back to his seat and seems unable to stop feeling happy for him based on the way he reaches across the table to squeeze Louis’ hand. He picks up his menu again and Louis clears his throat, picking his up too. He’s still majorly unsure about what the hell is going on. He thought there would be tears or at least a few disappointed scowls in his direction.

“So, you did hear the part about me essentially having an affair, right?” Louis checks.

“Yep. I heard,” Liam chirps, sounding oddly proud of him for that as he flips over to the back of his menu to browse the desserts.

“…And you’re somehow okay with this?”

Liam stops reading to meet his eyes and all Louis finds there is love and support. “Louis, I am ecstatic with this. I’m not here to judge where you find happiness or who you find it with, but anybody who is as amazing as the person you just told me about and makes you light up in a way that I haven’t seen in years is more than alright with me,” he grins and Louis can tell he really means it. “You deserve to loved by somebody who knows how and I can’t wait to meet him.”

Louis would be delighted to introduce them. Maybe one day he’ll get the chance.

“And, Lou, you may have already done so, but you have to tell your mum about Harry.”

Liam doesn’t care about his infidelity, but he’s guessing his mother might have something to say about it. “Really? Why?”

“Because,” Liam smirks. “She hates that prick, Chris, even more than I do and she loves a good laugh.”

*

Louis stifles a laugh into his fist at the conversation Harry and Nate are having on his phone. He throws a pair of joggers over into his duffle since Harry’s are so long on him and then snorts at the way Harry’s holding Oscar up to the screen so he can see the new cat-nip toy Nathan picked out for him.

“Oscar loves it _so_ much. He told me so himself,” Harry claims.

“No, he didn’t,” Nathan laughs. “Cats can’t talk.”

“ _What_?” Harry squawks. “Says who?”

“Everybody? _I’ve_ never heard one talk and I play with Oscar all the time,” Nathan shoots back.

Louis glances over at the phone at the stumped expression on Harry’s face. “Oh, alright. I guess you’re right,” he concedes. “Oscar only talks to me.”

“He does not!” Nathan exclaims, giggling the way he always does whenever Harry’s teasing him. Louis intervenes so their debate can be put on hold.

“Alright, that’s enough out of you two.” Louis zips up his overnight duffle and then holds his hand out for the phone so he can have a turn. “Nate, go make sure you have your toothbrush this time. And out Oscar’s toy in your backpack so you don’t forget it!” he calls after his son who has already hopped down from the bed and is half-way to his bedroom.

Louis’ smile is instantaneous when he holds the phone up to his face to see Harry staring back at him. God, he can’t wait to see him in person tonight.

“Cat talk? Really?” Louis fondly shakes his head at him watching he puts Oscar down to give Louis his full attention. He stretches out on the sofa with a hand behind his head and all Louis wants is to lie there with him. _Soon_ , he thinks to himself. 

“Nate thought it was funny,” Harry says in his own defense.

“I’m pretty sure Nate thinks you’re insane most of the time, but somehow he likes you anyway.” They both laugh at that. Harry is all bright eyes and dimples when he bites down on his smile.

“I’m so excited to see the both of you. I can’t wait,” he says.

Louis’ stomach flutters like mad hearing that. It flips all the time just knowing Harry feels the same way that he does.

“Well, we’ll be there with you soon,” Louis promises. “We’re all set to leave. I’ve just got to make sure Nate’s got his-”

Louis falls silent when he hears the click of the front door followed by a familiar jangle of keys.

“Louis? What is it? What’s wr-” Harry falls silent too when Louis shushes him at the sound of the front door creaking open and Chris’ voice ringing out through the house to announce his arrival home.

“ _Shit_. He’s here,” Louis whispers with his heart thudding in his throat. Chris isn’t supposed to be here. He _said_ he wasn’t going to be here. Harry asks a dozen questions as Chris’ footsteps leave the safety of the entryway and start towards their bedroom. Louis doesn’t have time to answer any of them before hanging up and shoving his duffel bag under the bed.

Louis quickly sits down again and wills himself to look and sound normal when Chris rounds the corner in search of him.

“Hi, babe,” Louis greets him. “It’s good to see you.”

Chris raises a suspicious eyebrow at him hanging out in the bedroom by himself. “Hi. Good to see you too.” His eyes scan the room and then land on Louis’ phone charger lying in the middle of the bed instead of plugged into the wall where it normally is. Louis didn’t get the chance to stuff it into his bag like he meant to. He forgot all about it when he heard Chris coming. “What were you doing?”

“Oh, um, nothing. I hadn’t charged my phone in a while, so I was just doing that.”

Louis plugs his charger back into the wall and then pastes on a grin when Chris steps out of his shoes and comes to lie back on the bed with his own phone to entertain him.

“I’m starving,” he sighs, glancing over at Louis who hadn’t realized that was an open request directed at him.

“O-Okay. I can make something really fast, but, um. I kind of told my mum that Nate and I would be over later, so.” Louis swallows hard when Chris says no without even looking up. “I know, babe, but I wasn’t expecting you this weekend.”

“Yeah, change of plans,” is the only explanation he gives for showing up like this out of the blue. For putting an end to Louis’ plans before they even began. “And anyway, you’ve been over there enough lately, don’t you think? I would’ve thought you’d want to be here with me for a change,” he scoffs.

Louis doesn’t want to be anywhere near him. “I-I do. We’ve both missed you,” he lies. Louis doesn’t miss him at all and Nathan is so unconcerned that he doesn’t even ask about Chris anymore.

“Well, good. Then you can both stay here,” Chris says in a final tone that Louis doesn’t dare challenge. Louis sits there unable to decide what to do next until Chris cuts his eyes over at him again. “Didn’t you say something about food?”

Louis nods at the reminder, just happy for an excuse to leave the room. He quickly reaches for his phone on the bedside table when Chris’ voice stops him dead. “I thought you were charging it.”

“Oh, yeah. You’re right. I, um- I forgot.” Louis’ heart breaks a little having to leave it there instead of using it to call Harry. He exits the room as calmly and quickly as he can and prays Chris doesn’t go snooping through it like he’s been known to do in the past. Nathan comes out of his room when he hears Louis coming and quietly asks if they’re still going on their secret road trip. His face looks as disappointed as Louis’ heart feels when he shakes his head no.

It’s hours later when Louis is with Nathan in his room that he hears the tv shut off in the living room and Chris finally stir from the sofa. Louis’ been hiding out in here ever since dinner with _Dinosaur Roar_ in his lap even though Nate fell asleep an hour ago. Louis prays with his entire being for his husband to keep walking past them and just go to bed, but he doesn’t. He pokes his head into Nate’s room instead and whispers for Louis to come with him when he notices their son sound asleep against him.

If he doesn’t go there’s sure to be an argument. Possibly even a fight. Nate would surely wake up and he’d be scared of their loud voices so Louis does what he’s told to prevent any of that from happening. He makes his body move one foot in front of the other when Chris silently gestures for him to follow, hoping Chris will be more willing to talk with him in their bedroom where Nate can’t hear.

Chris smiles and forces his tongue into Louis’ mouth the moment their door shuts behind them and Louis feels sick noting the hundreds of differences between a kiss from him and one from Harry. He pulls back after a minute and looks down his nose at how stiff and quiet Louis is.

“What’s wrong with you now?” he rolls his eyes.

There’s so much wrong that Louis doesn’t know where to begin. “I don’t feel very well I guess,” Louis lies, quickly trying to come up with another. “Maybe I should just get some rest. I think I’m getting sick. I’m sorry.”

For a moment, Chris’ hands leave him and Louis can feel himself breathe a sigh of relief. He carefully checks Louis over with skepticism in his eyes that quickly turns to determination once he can find no obvious sign of illness. He pulls Louis back in without a word, licking into his mouth again like Louis said nothing at all. 

“Babe, please,” he tries, but Chris only pauses for a moment.

“You seem fine to me,” is all he says before roughly tilting Louis’ chin back up to his level again.

*

Nathan doesn’t have to come wake him the next morning because Louis is already up. He’s been staring up at the ceiling all night, too afraid to move let alone sleep. He couldn’t with Chris lying next to him where someone else should’ve been.

He goes to the kitchen and fixes breakfast for everyone on autopilot, taking extra care not to burn anything so he isn’t punished for it later. Chris sits down at the table just half an hour later already dressed when he announces that his previously cancelled plans just opened back up.

It’s the best thing he could’ve said, but Louis busies himself cleaning the dishes like he’s not thanking heaven, counting every second that ticks by as his husband prepares to leave. Chris takes nineteen steps through the house to the front door, and when it finally shuts on his empty _‘I love you’_ Louis allows his hands to shake openly on the edge of the sink instead of forcing them to be still.

Nathan doesn’t ask questions when Louis kindly sends him to the living room to watch tv even though he keeps looking at Louis like he knows something is wrong. As soon as Nate’s settled Louis heads to his bedroom and strips like his clothing and skin are drenched in poison. He makes his shower almost hotter than he can take, the water and steam turning his skin red as he tries to scrub all traces of Chris off his body.

It’s already Saturday. Half the weekend is gone, but Louis doesn’t give a shit when he digs his duffle out from under the bed and tells Nathan to do the same.

The hour that it takes to get to Harry is the longest of Louis’ life. He feels better once he’s on the highway but he still feels like he can’t properly breathe until he sees the sign welcoming them to Cheshire. He focuses on bringing air into his lungs and slowly letting it out again once they pull up outside Harry’s building. They made it here and they’re safe which is all Louis wanted.

He uses the key that Harry gave him to let himself into the studio taking the stairs hand in hand alongside his five-year-old until they reach the second floor. “Can I still give Oscar his toy when we get inside?”  he asks.

“Yeah, baby, of course. He’s been excited waiting for it remember? He told Harry himself.”

Harry’s flat has Oscar as well as two extra people in it when Louis opens the door. Nathan spots them and his face immediately lights up having Niall, Zayn, _and_ Harry waiting for them. There’s a phone on the coffee table. Harry’s phone that seems to have been holding everyone’s attention, but the sight of Louis and Nathan coming through the door creates a chorus of relieved sighs.

“ _Lou_?” Harry says it like he doesn’t believe Louis’ currently standing in his doorway.

He abandons his friends and his phone to rush over to them, hugging Nathan first and then burying his face into Louis’ neck as he whispers how worried he was. Louis hadn’t even thought to call Harry and let him know they were coming when Chris finally left the house. His only goal was to get here.

“God, I didn’t hear from you again so I didn’t know what to think,” he says, still holding Louis close to him. “Are you alright? Are you hurt?”

Every pair of eyes in the room is fixed on them and waiting for Louis’ answer when he chances a look around. He should’ve called. He should’ve let someone here in Cheshire know that everything was fine, but he simply didn’t think to. He owes Harry an apology for making him worry so much, but he doesn’t want to give it here with everyone including his son watching and listening in.

His discomfort must be obvious when Zayn quietly clears his throat to get Niall’s attention and then gives a significant raise of his eyebrows.

“Er- Yeah. We can take Nate if you two need a little privacy,” Niall offers. “That is, if our little mate here doesn’t mind being sous-chef while we make snacks for everyone,” he says, coming over to give his son’s hair a playful ruffle to make him giggle.

Louis nods over Nate’s excited boasting about always helping Harry out in the kitchen and then mouths a silent thank you over his head to both of Harry’s friends; _Louis’_ friends now too he guesses based on how happy they are to see him here in one piece.

He drops his bag next to the sofa and then follows Harry to his bedroom. The second the door shuts behind them Louis gets an armful of his favorite person hugging him and breathing him in like he feared he’d never again get the chance.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, Haz. I’m okay. I’m fine,” Louis smiles to himself, eyes fluttering shut when Harry’s lips hurriedly find his.

“Are you sure?” Harry whispers after he pulls back. He gently smooths his knuckles over Louis’ cheek, his eyes still filled with concern for him. “Talk to me, love. Tell me what happened.”

He could tell Harry about the crippling fear that wrapped itself around Louis’ chest and didn’t release itself until his husband got a better offer and took off. He could pull up his shirt to expose the tingling spot on his back that’s probably bruising as they speak from how much it hurts. He could also tell Harry how he hated every second that Chris touched him and how he laid awake afterwards wishing he were right here in this very room but was too afraid to reach for his phone and say so, but none of that maters anymore because he’s here.

“Nothing happened, Harry. I’m fine. I promise,” Louis says, grinning into his touch. “Nate’s okay and I’m okay. Chris did show up and he was, well, _Chris_ , but let’s not waste time talking about him, yeah?” Louis could never talk about him again and it would still be too soon.

“I’m glad you’re alright.”

“I am. And, I know I should’ve called you. I feel terrible, but I couldn’t have Chris asking questions, and this morning I was just in such a rush to get here.”

“No, Louis, I get it. It’s okay. I just- I didn’t know what to do. I called Zayn and Niall today because I wasn’t sure if I should call the police or just go to Doncaster myself. They told me to wait a bit longer. They said you were probably just fine, but you know me. I was losing it,” he laughs to himself.

Louis does know him. He knows how truly amazing of a man Harry is and how lucky Louis is to have someone like that care about him and his son.

“Well, I’m here with you now. You can stop worrying,” Louis grins as he eagerly connects their mouths again. They’ve waited all week for this.

*

Soon after arriving at Harry’s and assuring everyone for the millionth time that everything is okay, Louis crashes. His body makes up for all the sleep he didn’t get the night before as the day moves on without him.

When he finally stirs, the room is bathed in orange light pouring in from the window and there’s a pair of warm lips pressed to his. There’s a smile on Louis’ face before he even opens his eyes. It only grows when he sees Harry grinning back at him lying so close on Louis’ pillow that their noses nearly touch.

“Hey,” Louis whispers, accepting another soft kiss from him.

“Hey, sleepyhead.”

Louis can’t believe he slept all day and left Harry and Nate to fend for themselves. Louis has been in this room for hours.

“Sorry I checked out on you guys. Where’s Nate?”

“In the living room being sleepyhead junior,” Harry smiles. “I took him over to my parents’ for a bit; they said hello by the way, and then we went to the park.”

“The _big_ park, huh?” Louis teases.

“Yeah, that one,” he chuckles. “He was pretty exhausted when we got back. He fell asleep watching this show…” Harry’s sentence loses form, his breath bated as Louis’ lips ghost over his. Louis drapes a leg over Harry’s hip to trap him there, using his bodyweight to help roll Harry onto his back.

“And did you two have fun?” he asks letting his teeth graze Harry’s jaw. “Did you miss me?” he whispers. Harry nods, his large hands gradually traveling up Louis’ thighs to get a firm grasp around his bum.

“D-Do you want me wake Nate up so you can ask him yourself?”

Louis is banking on his son sleeping for the next half hour at least. It’d be a shame to disturb him or the new steady rhythm their hips have adopted.

“Don’t you dare,” he smirks.

It’s only been a few minutes of the pair of them kissing and grinding their bodies together to the point of it almost being too much when Harry moans into Louis’ open mouth.  He tugs on the hem of Louis’ shirt, groaning when it doesn’t slip over his shoulders as easily as he’d hoped.

“Help me,” he whines, his voice thin and desperate like he may die if they aren’t naked right this second.

Louis obliges him, grinning when he tosses the shirt to the foot of the bed and Harry’s eager hands are on him again as soon as it’s off. His grip around Louis slackens though as his eyes trail along his bare skin.

“What?” Louis laughs noting the way Harry immediately goes still beneath him. “Are you just going to stare at me all night?”

Louis doesn’t mind being admired, though he _would_ much rather Harry be touching him while he does so. He ducks down to reconnect their mouths, but Harry keeps him sitting up with a gentle hand to his chest. Harry sits up too and Louis’ eyebrows scrunch together wondering why Harry is suddenly acting so weird. He gets his answer when Harry runs his fingers over a purpled region of skin just below his hipbone. Louis didn’t even know that was there.

“Oh. Um. It’s- It’s nothing,” he lies, wincing as he places a protective hand over the area to block it from view. The action is useless. The mark is so large that its angry looking edges are still visible around his hand.

“Louis, this isn’t nothing. Oh, my God,” Harry says as his eyes locate even more fist-sized bruises along his hips. “You said nothing happened. You said you were okay.”

He thought that he was.

He figured there might be a couple of marks from last night. He could feel them stinging into existence as Chris was fucking him but he didn’t think they’d be this extensive and so noticeable. He definitely didn’t think he’d be forced to look Harry in the eye and see the extreme disappointment and disgust currently etched onto his face.

Louis doesn’t know what to say as his cheeks burn red and Harry’s sickened expression makes his stomach turn. He doesn’t have enough hands to cover up all the marks on his skin. Even if he did it wouldn’t change the fact that Chris put them there. Louis should’ve told just him about last night. About how he slept with Chris but the sex didn’t mean _anything_. He even tried getting out of it, but Chris had already made up his mind and Louis didn’t want to start a fight. It may be too late for excuses now that Harry looks ready to storm out of bed and punch something.

“Haz, I-I’m sorry. Please.” Saying that doesn’t seem to help the situation. Louis keeps apologizing and all it does is make the disappointment on Harry’s face even more prominent. They don’t have a label to define what they are or what they mean to one another. They’re simply Harry and Louis and somehow what they have together just works; right up until a situation like this occurs where Louis didn’t have any choice but to hurt them both. “Please don’t be mad at me,” Louis says in a small voice. He’s never seen Harry angry before but he braces himself for the fallout.

The anger melts away from Harry’s face watching as Louis tenses up in anticipation of him losing it. “Babe, no. That’s not-” He squeezes his eyes shut, sitting up more to cup Louis’ cheeks so he can’t look anywhere but at him. “I am not mad at you, Louis. Okay? Not at all. Not even a little bit. And even if I was, I would never do _that_ ,” he says glancing down at his purpled skin. “I would never ever hurt you. I’m just upset that he did. That he hurt you like this and that he thinks it’s okay; that _you_ think it’s okay because, Louis… it’s not.”

Louis doesn’t think that. He has just learned when to pick his battles and last night was simply _not_ the time to do so. It was easier to just give Chris what he wanted rather than further piss him off. If Louis hadn’t, he’d be covered in injuries way worse than this. These aren’t even that bad compared to what Chris has done to him in the past. He swallows hard, his throat stinging from the memory of nearly being choked to death as Harry links their hands and presses a sure kiss to every one of his knuckles.

“Louis, please,” he whispers with their foreheads pressed together. Just the way Harry says his name is enough for Louis to know that Harry just wants what’s best for him. “You don’t have to go back there. You know that, right? You don’t have to keep going back to him.”

And here they go.

“Haz, come on. Let’s not do this today. Just kiss me like before. Please,” Louis begs. He doesn’t want to waste what little time they have left this weekend. Chris has already spoiled enough of it.

“Louis, I’m serious right now,” he says, giving Louis his cheek to kiss when he was clearly aiming for Harry’s mouth. “How much longer are we going to keep doing this?”

Louis has no idea, but he’s also never seen Harry this frightened and exasperated. He’s been more than patient with Louis. He has put up with Chris and all the bullshit that comes with him for months and tonight he looks like he’s at the end of his rope.

Harry gently lifts his chin when Louis drops his gaze, his eyes wide and pleading for Louis to hear him out. “Nate’s last week of school starts on Monday. You can both leave and never have to go through this again. You can put an end to this right now. Babe, don’t you want that?”

Of course Louis does, _if_ it were possible.

“Haz, you know that’s not how it works. I’m _married_ to him. I can’t just pick up and leave Doncaster forever. I can’t just take Nathan away from his father and never go back again.”

There’s not a day that goes by that Louis doesn’t wish his situation was different. He wishes he could do what Harry did when this was happening to him, but it’s not the same thing.

“But you _can_ do that,” Harry maintains. “Chris is dangerous. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself, but _I_ care about _you_. And I know you didn’t ask for me to fall in love with you, but I did and I can’t keep sitting here watching you get hurt like this over and over again.”

It feels like Liam pleading with him all over again. It wasn’t Louis’ intention to fall in love either. He definitely didn’t mean to hurt Harry by involving him in this mess. He hasn’t meant to hurt anybody.

“You are allowed to do whatever keeps you and Nathan safe, Lou. Even if that means leaving Chris…even if that means leaving me if you thought it was for the best. Protecting yourself and your son is the one instance where you don’t have to consider anybody else’s feelings.”

If Louis ever did make the choice to leave a bad situation, here with Harry is the only place he’d want to be.

He leans forward to kiss him because he needs Harry to know that regardless of Chris or any other obstacle they may face together, a life with him would be a dream come true. Harry didn’t plan on loving him and Louis never thought he could get so lucky as to have his love, but he did, and he’s grateful for every moment they have.

“Of course I want to be with you, Haz. I love you so much.” Louis has never felt this way about anybody.

“And I love you back,” he grins. “Of course I do. We all do. That’s why everyone wants to help you do this. You deserve so much better.”

The ease with which Harry encourages him to want more for himself makes it sound like it’s the simplest thing in the world. When he’s talking with Louis this way and filling his heart with so much hope, it’s hard to believe that it isn’t.


	5. Chapter 5

Their talk about Chris and the future isn’t forgotten, but it’s the furthest thing from Louis’ mind when the next morning feels like some sort of sweaty, claustrophobic version of perfection when Louis wakes up sandwiched between Harry pressed to his back, Nathan curled into his front, and Oscar lounging on top of Louis’ feet like there isn’t enough king-sized mattress to go around. Louis can hardly move from how close they all are but Louis can’t find it in his heart to give a damn. He likes being near the people and cat who mean the most to him. Every day should start just like this one.

He presses a kiss to Nathan’s forehead since he’s the easiest to get to tucked right under his chin. His hair is wild from sleep and his skin is warm from how hot it is under this duvet with all their combined body heat. Louis went to check on him in the guest room last night right before he and Harry finally went to bed. He must’ve needed the bathroom or had a bad dream and came tiptoeing in to find them, but he’s peaceful now and more importantly, still asleep, so Louis doesn’t wake him. 

Carefully, Louis turns over onto his other side feeling Harry’s grip reflexively tighten around his waist. He grins watching Harry’s brow furrow after being kissed. Louis does it again only pulling back once he feels a sleepy grin taking shape against his mouth.

“Hey.”

“Morning,” Harry croaks out, his brow furrowing again when he lifts his head and notices the little lump curled up behind Louis and the even smaller one curled up on Louis’ feet making it a thousand degrees hotter in the bed than usual.

“You’re mighty popular this morning,” he teases, his eyes crinkled up and his dimples on full display. “I’m a little jealous, but I can definitely see what all the fuss is about,” he says to Louis’ mouth before kissing it.

Harry’s the one that everyone gravitates to. Even Louis who still can’t get over how beautiful Harry is and how much he makes Louis feel more at home than anywhere else in the world. Sunday’s in Cheshire are usually bittersweet knowing that their time together is nearly up, but today Louis doesn’t dwell so much on what they’re losing. Their little dispute which Harry claims was merely a discussion, ended without any real resolution; just a promise from Louis to really think about what it is that he wants since apparently Harry made up his mind long ago. Louis sticks to his promise in this moment and focuses on all they could have, letting himself dare to dream, and so far, Louis doesn’t hate the possibilities.

They lie in bed until everyone is awake and claims to be starving to death. Louis gets to work making coffee as Harry starts pulling out bacon and a box of pancake mix for them to devour. Nathan stops playing with Oscar in the living room once he realizes breakfast is finally about to get underway. Louis hears him come running into the kitchen, enthusiasm clear in his steps and his voice when he asks if he can help.

“Can I, daddy? Please?”

Louis’ grin is fond when he turns around from the coffee pot to give his consent. His heart thuds in his chest, slowly warming him from the inside out when he realizes his son isn’t even talking to him. He’s talking to Harry, stood beside him on his tiptoes to try and see what he’s doing.

Their world tops turning for a millisecond as it becomes clear that Nathan doesn’t seem to realize his slip-up or that anything at all is wrong. And there isn’t. Especially when Harry glances over his shoulder at Louis with a smile on his face so bright that Louis swears it’s made of nothing but pure sunshine.

“Yeah, darling, of course you can. Go wash your hands,” he says, face still glowing as he watches Nate skip away towards the bathroom.

Harry stops what he was doing at the counter, crossing the room with an expression torn between excitement and guilt. “W-Was that okay with you? Should I have corrected him?”

Louis shakes his head, unable to picture a universe where Nathan could think of Harry as anything less than a parent or Harry could love him as anything less than his own.

“No, love,” Louis grins, knocking pancake mix off the front of Harry’s shirt before handing him his favorite mug. “There’s nothing to correct.”

From that moment in the kitchen to when Louis is packing up the car to return home, keeping this life forever is all Louis can think about. If staying here really is a possibility, then Louis would never forgive himself for not doing everything in his power to make it happen.

He climbs in behind the wheel and pulls out his phone, certain that he’s making the right decision for himself and for Nathan. He dials the number of the person he needs, his heart beating faster the more he thinks about what he’s about to do.

It only rings once before Liam greets him with a bright hello.

“Hey, Li.”

“Are you already back from Harry’s?” he asks, clearly hoping for a yes. “I mean, your face is alright and all, but I haven’t seen Nate’s in ages,” he pouts over the line. “I miss him.”

“Er- We’re not back yet. Sorry, mate,” Louis answers dampening any hope Liam may have had of seeing either of them just yet. “Um, I’m actually calling because I need a favor. I need your help.”

Even that was difficult to admit. Louis still can’t believe he’s doing this.

“Oh. Okay,” Liam says after Louis goes quiet. “What’s up? Is everything alright?”

Louis glances in the rearview mirror at his son snacking on some of the cookies he and Harry just baked, happy as a lark as he flips through one of his books completely unaware that Louis is about to forever change their lives.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I just uh. I need to sit down and talk with Chris, but I’d feel better if you were there as a buffer if it’s not too much trouble. I don’t think he’s going to take it well.”

“No, it’s no trouble at all, Lou. Of course. Whatever you need,” Liam assures him. “But, um. What exactly isn’t he going to take well?”

Louis takes a deep breath and releases it. He has to say the words sometime he guesses.

“Me asking him for a divorce,” he answers, finding the words a lot less scary than he had built them up to be.

Liam doesn’t ask any more questions, putting Louis’ mind and anxiety to rest when he congratulates him and then promises to be there with him every step of the way.

His best friend meets him at home after Louis drops Nathan off at his mum’s and lets her know what’s going on. He didn’t want Nate around whenever Chris gets home to hear or see how ugly this may get and honestly, he just wanted to get his mother’s blessing before following through with someone so huge. She gives him her blessing and then some, her embrace warmer than he could’ve ever imagined when she congratulates him as well and wishes him luck.  

For the first time in months Louis calls his husband and asks him to come home. Chris doesn’t immediately jump to do what Louis asked of course. He takes his sweet time, but eventually he does show up, stiff shoulders and grimace in place as soon as he spots Louis on the sofa with Liam sitting next to him. For a moment Louis’ chest tightens, fearful of Chris’ reaction to him having someone over to the house, but Louis pushes the fear down knowing Chris would never hurt him in front of somebody else. Even if that somebody is Liam.

“What’s _he_ doing here?”

Miraculously, Liam ignores Chris’ lack of manners as well as the disdain in his voice. He says nothing even though his jaw is clenched tight with everything he’s holding in.

“I asked him to be here with me,” Louis says after Liam discreetly squeezes his hand in encouragement.

“Why?” Chris mutters as he steps out of his shoes. “He doesn’t have his own living room to sit in?”

“No, because we need to talk, Chris,” Louis explains. “And, also this is my house too. Liam should be welcome here anytime,” he says in defense of his friend, sick of Liam always taking shit just because he refused to abandon Louis despite Chris’ best efforts to drive a wedge between them.

It’s been years since Louis has talked back to him that way. The dangerous look that Chris fixes him with is so cold that Louis instantly remembers why he learned to keep his mouth shut. Louis thanks heaven that he had the presence of mind to have someone here with him. He doesn’t even want to know what Chris would be doing to him right now if he hadn’t.

Chris’ fingers restlessly twitch at his sides after Louis’ outburst but he says nothing in response.  He walks to the kitchen to retrieve a beer and then returns to lean back into the armchair across from them.

“Well? What’s this all about?” Chris says with an expectant expression that looks more annoyed than anything else. “You interrupted my Sunday to get me here. You said we need to talk, so talk.”

Talking is a hard thing to do with Chris looking at him like he’s an idiot. Louis knows what he wants to say, but Chris is watching him like he’d love nothing more than to cause him pain for even pulling a stunt like this. Louis doesn’t know how the hell he’s survived this for the past five years. Harry is right. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. This isn’t even living.

“You can do this, Lou,” comes a whispered voice at his side. He meets his best friend’s encouraging gaze and the tightness in his chest relaxes a bit. “You’re going to be fine. I’m right here.” Liam has already assured him that Chris isn’t going to lay a finger on him if he has anything to say about it. Louis really, really hopes it won’t come to that.

“I’m not sitting here all day,” Chris sighs just as Louis finds his voice again, stronger than ever.

“This isn't working and I want out,” he says over his husband, silencing the room as soon as the words are out of his mouth. “I want a divorce, Chris. _That’s_ what we need to talk about.”

Louis waits for him to react; to explode the way Louis knows he’s about to, but all Chris does is blink at him and Liam over his beer bottle until he accidentally snorts a laugh into it.

“Yeah, _that’s_ not happening,” he mocks, so amused that he can no longer drink his beer. “We don’t have to talk about anything. This isn’t even a discussion.”

“Well, it’s unfortunate you feel that way, but it’s also irrelevant because Louis doesn’t actually need your consent,” Liam spits. “He’s doing _you_ a courtesy by letting you know this way. He could’ve just taken off without a word and hired a lawyer to talk to you. I sure as hell would’ve.”

“I guess it’s a good thing I married Louis and not you then.” He scoffs at Liam backing him up, no longer quite as amused as before as they glare at each other. “So, all this divorce talk obviously came from _you_. Not that it matters,” he shrugs.

“It does matter because it’s what I want,” Louis tells him. “And this wasn’t Liam’s idea. It was mine.” Louis should’ve made up his mind about leaving Chris years ago. He just didn’t believe that he could.

“Well, I never said it was a _smart_ idea, now did I?” he mumbles, completely ignoring Louis’ and his wish to end their marriage. He goes back to sipping his beer like he heard none of it.

“Liam’s right. I don’t need your permission.” All Chris has to do is sign a few papers when it’s time and Louis will be free. That won’t happen for months but Louis needs him to understand that the two of them are done as of this moment. There is no more them.

Chris isn’t laughing like this is a joke anymore, but his annoyance with Louis trying it is still clear as ever as he sets his beer back down on the coffee table.

“I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you today, but it’s not funny. It’s just pissing me off.”

“I’m not laughing, Chris.”

That seems to sober him, but he doesn’t seem any more willing to accept what Louis is asking for.

“So, you don’t want to be married anymore. You want us to separate. You want a legal divorce,” he sums up like he’s only just hearing this information for the first time. Louis nods in confirmation, feeling like they’re finally getting someplace.

“Yes. That’s all I want. I just want to leave.”

“And go where?” he spits. “Running to your mother? To Liam’s flat that’s the size of our bedroom?”

Either of those places sound like heaven compared to here. His mother and his best friend love him and would open their homes to him without question, but Louis already has a place that feels more like home than this house ever has. He could tell Chris that. He could tell him about Harry and how much he loves that boy, but honestly, he doesn’t deserve to know. Chris doesn’t deserve anything else from him ever again.

“I have somewhere to go, but truthfully it’s none of your business,” Louis shrugs. “Not anymore.”

“It’s always going to be my fucking business, Louis. You take care of my son,” he snaps.

And fine. If he wants to be that way then Louis has no problem telling him exactly where they’ll be. “I know someone in Cheshire. He has no problem with us being there. Actually, he _wants_ us to be there so it won’t be an issue. You have nothing to worry about.”

Louis didn’t think there was anything bad or too revealing about what he just said. He didn’t even mention Harry’s name but the way Chris’ face dawns with understanding makes Louis wonder if the fondness in his words and his eyes said it all.

“So, that’s the reason you suddenly have a backbone and think you can come in here demanding shit from me. There’s a mysterious ‘ _someone_ ’ putting this shit into your head whenever I’m not here.” Chris stares at him with a sick grin and Louis can’t tell if he’s mad that Louis has been seeing someone else behind his back or impressed. “Who is he? What’s his name?”

Liam scoffs at him trying to force answers out of Louis. “Why would he tell you anything? You certainly never thought to share that kind of information with _him._ "

Chris looks taken aback by that. He stares them both down for a long time, clearly up against a wall as he realizes there’s only one way for this to end. They can’t stay married. Louis refuses to stay here another day. He just needs Chris to come to the same conclusion so he can go to Cheshire and sleep at night without the fear of Chris trying to track him down.

“Okay, Lou. Fine,” he says after a while. “If you want a divorce then fine. We’ll get one. Wish granted.”

Louis glances at Liam sitting next to him who looks just as surprised to hear Chris say that as Louis probably looks hearing it.

“Really?” Liam frowns, skepticism heavy as he watches Chris resume sipping his beer.

“Yeah, really. If Louis wants to leave and fuck off to Cheshire I’m not going to stop him,” he shrugs before turning his attention to Louis again. “However, before you go I’d like for you to go get Nathan from wherever you’re hiding him so I can talk to him about how as of right now _you_ no longer live here. I don’t want him to be confused when I change the locks and it’s just the two of us from now on.”

The rhythm of Louis’ heart stops altogether as Chris’ words take root, twisting their way through his stomach until he’s sick. Louis can hardly breathe imagining leaving his child behind.

“You can’t do that,” Liam argues on his behalf as Louis’ fights to pull air into his lungs.

“Actually, I _can_ ,” he spits back. He slams his bottle back onto the table so hard that Louis’ surprised it didn’t shatter. “Did you really think I’d let him take my son to go live with whatever idiot he’s been fucking?”

The last thing Louis wanted to do is fight over his child. Chris doesn’t even care about their son. Louis never would’ve imagined he’d stoop this low.

“Chris, please,” he begs once his heart stops clenching so painfully. “If you ever loved me even a little bit then please. Please don’t be like this. I don’t want Nate in the middle of some huge custody battle.” Mostly because there’s no guarantee that Louis would win.

There is no love or sympathy in Chris’ eyes suggesting that he never cared about Louis at all.

“Then I guess you better figure something out and fast because I don’t mind one bit.”

*

The arrangement that he and Chris came to that day isn’t the greatest compromise Louis has ever heard of, but it was compromise enough to hurt Louis and for him to lose something which is all Chris really wanted anyway.

“Louis, you don’t have to do this. We can find another way,” Harry says for what must be the tenth time as he helps him pack up some of Nate’s things for his first week with Chris.

“Yes, I do, Haz.” Louis really wishes he didn’t.

Harry lets out a frustrated huff as he chooses a few books for Nate to take with him to Doncaster. Louis doesn’t tell him that it’s pointless. Chris has never read to their son a day in his life.

“Since when does Chris care about spending time with either of you? He was never even there and when he _was_ there he was awful.”

“I don’t know, Harry,” he grits out. “I guess he cares now.” Or at least that’s what he wants everyone to think.

“But he doesn’t. Louis, you know this isn’t even about Nate, right? He’s just using him to control the situation and you. He’s manipulative and he’s only doing this because he thinks he can get away with it.”

“I’m not an idiot, Harry! You don’t think I know that?” he shouts. Harry is just upset because he has never seen what Chris is capable of. No one thinks that Chris is doing this because of his love for Nathan. It’s just inconvenient for Louis and Chris likes to make his life hell. “He’s Nate’s _dad_. I know he’s using our son to get what he wants and I know that you’re scared of that because I am fucking terrified.” But what scares Louis more is the thought of Chris taking him to court over it because he’d probably fucking win. He’s the one with the house and the dream job. He’s a lawyer for fuck’s sake. Louis _will not_ lose his son to him. It kills Louis to even think about it. It kills him that he and Harry have been fighting over this for days when everything was perfect before Chris went and fucked it up.

Harry blinks back at his outburst, minding his distance until Louis takes a few deep breaths to calm himself.

“Haz, I’m- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. God, I’m no better than him,” Louis apologizes. Harry steps closer to him with caution taking each of his shaking hands in his and presses a kiss to the back of them.

“No, I’m sorry,” he whispers. “And It’s okay, Lou. You’re nothing like him. You’re allowed to express how you feel. I’m just worried. For all of us.”

Louis gets that. He’s been praying since he woke up this morning for Nathan to be okay when Louis picks him up again at the end of the week.

“Everything’s going to be okay. He’ll get bored of this eventually,” Louis says allowing himself to be held close, though, he’s not sure if he said it to convince Harry or himself. Both really. “He won’t want to take care of a five-year-old for very long once he realizes it’s a responsibility and then I’m sure he’ll be more reasonable.”

It’s not like Chris really expects them to do these weekly trade-offs for the rest of their lives. He’s just being difficult.

“I know you don’t want to right now, but we could fight this. He’s an abusive dickhead, Louis. No judge on the planet is going to let Nathan stay with him.”

And that’s where Harry and everyone else is mistaken.

“Chris has been fucking terrible to me, Haz, but he’s never hurt Nathan. Not once.” Chris has done unspeakable things to Louis that make his stomach churn to recall them, but his violence has purely been directed at him. Never their son.

Harry squeezes him tighter and nods along like he wants to agree with Louis’ reasoning, but his words contradict the action. “ _Yet_ ,” he says quietly. “He hasn’t hurt Nathan, yet. I hope he never gets the chance.” The idea that something might happen to his son while he’s not around makes Louis want to vomit. Louis leans his cheek into his touch, hoping that doesn’t happen as well. “And, love, Chris may be Nate’s father, but he is not his dad,” Harry says into his hair. “You are. Nate loves _you_.”

Louis thanks him and kisses him for being such an anchor through all of this before he and Nate leave for Doncaster. He has no idea how Harry is still around after everything they’ve already been through. Harry really is the best thing that’s ever happened to them, but he always swears it’s the other way around.

Nathan has been quiet all morning. He’s hasn’t had much to say since Louis explained that they have to go back to their house for a while but Louis can’t stay there with him. He didn’t quite understand it when Louis explained that Chris simply wanted to spend time with him on his own. Louis can’t blame him for being confused. Chris is practically a stranger to him at this point.

“Nate? You okay back there, love?”

Louis grins at him in the rearview mirror hoping to pull even a hint of one out of his son. It doesn’t work of course. Nathan just continues staring out the window at the trees going past. He’s got a bag full of fun things to keep him occupied while he’s away including the polaroid camera that Harry gave him a few weeks ago, but he isn’t interested in any of it today.

“I want to stay with you.”

Louis’ heart clenches hating that his son is so unhappy and they’ve barely even been in the car for fifteen minutes.

“I know, baby, I know. But I’ll be back to get you before you know it and you’ll get to spend so much special time with your dad.” Louis says it with as much enthusiasm as he can muster, trying to sell this arrangement to Nathan as best he can. “He’s very excited to see you.”

“Why?” he mumbles revealing that Louis isn’t selling this as well as he’d hoped.

“Because, love, he’s-” Louis racks his brain for a good excuse to feed him; some lie to make this deal sound like it wasn’t forced but comes up empty. “Because he’s your dad, Nate. I don’t know,” Louis sighs knowing that isn’t even a real answer.

Louis focuses his attention on the road again, more than satisfied now that his son is completely confused as to why this is happening. Louis tries not to worry and trust that things will work themselves out until he hears a small voice pipe up from the backseat, so quiet that Louis barely even hears it.

“I wish Harry was my dad.”

That makes two of them.

*

Harry and their loved ones try their best to make Louis feel less like the worst parent in the world when he comes back from dropping Nathan off and collecting the rest of his things from the house. He only had a couple of boxes worth of clothing that wasn’t already in Harry’s flat as well as the laptop and photography equipment that Chris looked dumbfounded to see Louis dig out from under the sink. Louis puts all his things away alongside Harry’s. Even their cameras now sit side by side in Harry’s studio ready for whenever Louis decides to jump back into the game, but something still feels missing. Probably Louis’ heart which he won’t get to hug and kiss again until the end of the week.

The flat feels empty without Nathan in it and Louis has never seen Oscar look so bored. Harry’s little sous-chef isn’t there to help him cook, and for the first time ever Louis doesn’t have anybody to cuddle and re-read dinosaur books to each night. When all of this started, the three of them were just great friends. But it’s like they became a family overnight and now the most important member is missing.

It’s only Tuesday when Niall and Zayn come over to try and lift their spirits. They order pizza as usual and choose a movie that everyone tries their best to focus on but it feels off without Nate.

Louis moves his legs from where they were resting on the coffee table and better tucks himself into Harry’s side. He’s practically curled into a ball against him and yet Harry’s arm still comes around to pull him closer.

Everybody else has been watching the movie since it started twenty minutes ago. Louis wishes he could too, but all he’s been able to look at is the pale strip of skin now visible around his ring finger.

That ring suffocated him for years. He was so relieved to breathe again once he finally took it off that he nearly cried. It’s one thing Louis didn’t bring with him to Cheshire. He left his grandfather’s old ring right there with Chris, but Louis doesn’t think his grandfather would mind. Not if he knew the type of abusive person it had previously tied Louis to.

“Hey. You alright?” Harry whispers low enough that their friends don’t notice. He links their hands together when he realizes that’s where Louis’ attention is.

“I’m fine. Just thinking,” he answers. Technically, his husband is now out of the picture. They’re officially separated, but that doesn’t mean he never creeps up in Louis’ mind. Especially now that he’s got Nathan. “I wonder what he’s doing.”

He feels Harry grin into his hair, already aware of which _he_ Louis is referring to.

“Well, if I know Nathan then he’s probably eating something sweet. He does tend to enjoy that,” Harry teases. 

Louis can’t stop himself from smiling. “I have no idea where he gets that from.”

“Mhmm. Probably the same person he gets his laugh. Which he’s probably also doing right now because his favorite show is on.”

Louis still has no idea what that show is actually about, only that Nathan finds it hilarious. God, Louis misses him so much. He sighs and like Harry can read his mind he digs Louis’ phone from between the cushions where it fell and places it in Louis’ hand.

“You should call him. Ask him what Buddy the T-rex is up to this time.”

“Wait. You learned the characters?” he snorts.

“Well, yeah. I guess I forgot to mention it’s my favorite show too.” Louis can’t even tell if he’s joking anymore. His only giveaways are the tell-tale dimples that form from him trying to keep a straight face.

“Yeah, you definitely forgot to mention that one,” he laughs as he uncurls himself from Harry’s side. “I love you. I’ll be back,” he promises, earning a few looks of reprimand as he hurries past the movie to go call his son.

He goes to the guest room or Nathan’s room now that he and Louis officially live here. There used to be lots of random things in here including a few things that belong to Harry’s niece. They’ve all been moved to the spare room next door. Now, they can still have guests spend the night and Amelia can still have her own space even though she and Nathan are always attached at the hip whenever she visits.

Louis swipes along his screen until he finds Chris’ number, but his phone rings with a call from him before Louis can even dial it. Chris wouldn’t call just for the sake of it, so this must be Nathan’s doing. Maybe their son is missing Louis just as much as Louis misses him.

“Hello?” Louis says, expecting Nathan’s voice to say it back or at the very least Chris’ voice explaining that Nathan wants to talk to him. Unfortunately, it’s neither. Just a panicked call of his name that sends chills racing down the back of his neck.

“Chris? What’s wrong? Where’s Nate?”

None of Louis’ questions get answered as Chris starts in on his own line of questioning.

“Who’s his pediatrician?” he demands. “When was the last time she saw him?”

For a moment, Louis’ mind goes completely blank trying to remember. “Katherine Purcell. February,” he quickly answers. “Chris, why do you need her? What’s wrong?” Something is wrong. Very wrong as Louis listens to the dozens of other voices in the background of wherever Chris is. He tells some other doctor the name of Nathan’s pediatrician and Louis can’t take it anymore. “Tell me what happened to my son!” Louis shouts down the line at him, his voice breaking on the end as he imagines the worst.

“I-I don’t know. One minute he was _fine_ , Louis, he was,” he swears. “He went into anaphylactic shock so I had to rush him here to get help, but the nurses said he should be okay. We got here in time.”

“What the fuck did you do?” Louis can’t breathe imagining his son struggling to breathe until he couldn’t anymore. “He has an Epipen, Chris! Why didn’t you fucking use it?!” Nathan takes it with him everywhere he goes. There’s even one at school and in their bathroom at home in case his backpack ever goes missing.

“Because I forgot he had one and I forgot about the fucking eggs! It’s not like I meant to!” Chris bellows back.

“I reminded you about all of it when I dropped him off!” Louis _told_ him to be careful several times, but Chris was so focused on getting even and making his life miserable that he didn’t fucking listen.

Someone takes the phone out of Louis’ hand as he drops back down onto Nate’s bed. It’s Harry. He must’ve heard him screaming from the living room, but Louis didn’t even hear him come in. He’s talking to Chris right now. For the first time ever Louis realizes, though he isn’t yelling like Louis thought he might. His voice is level and low as he calmly asks Chris all the important questions that Louis was too shaken to think about. He doesn’t understand how this happened. He honestly thinks he may be sick.

Louis turns to the door and sees Niall and Zayn standing in it wearing matching looks of concern. “What happened to Nate?” Niall asks looking scared to actually know. Louis tries to answer but his throat and eyes start to burn with tears and pent up frustration because Nathan should’ve been here with them.

Harry answers for him as soon as he hangs up with Chris. “We have to go. Nate went into anaphylactic shock. He’s okay, but we should get there as soon as we can.”

Louis starts moving before Harry even finishes telling them what’s wrong. Zayn and Niall agree to stay back and wait for news. Louis has his keys in his hand faster than he ever thought possible, but relinquishes them over to Harry who is much more composed, but him driving doesn’t get them to Doncaster any slower. It’s as if Louis’ foot is on the gas pedal when Harry speeds the entire way there proving that he really can turn an hour-long trip into thirty minutes.

Chris is waiting for them outside of Nate’s hospital room once he and Harry practically run through the building to get there.

“Lou, I know this looks bad, but he’s going to be fine,” Chris tries. He opens his mouth to apologize for being an incompetent shit but Louis shoves him into the wall so hard that he stumbles back without another word.

“What the hell were you thinking you fucking idiot!” he screams so loud that other people in the corridor stop to stare. “Were you trying to kill him?” Harry grabs his arm to hold him back after he shoves Chris into the wall again.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen. You have to know that,” Chris begs. “I ordered food from that hibachi place near the house. I got chicken for Nate but he wanted some of my rice. I forgot that it has bits of egg in it and then- then he couldn’t breathe, Louis, and I am so, so sorry.”

He looks sorry, but even so it’s not good enough. Louis has been reminding him of their son’s allergies for five years and he still doesn’t know how to check to make sure the food he eats is safe. It’s incomprehensible to him that Chris doesn’t even care enough to keep their son from choking to death.

“He’s not going back with you.”

“I know,” Chris says with guilt written all over his face. “It’s my week, but he’s probably going to want to be with you once he’s feeling okay again.” Chris reaches out to touch him and Louis immediately pulls his hand out of his grip.

“I mean ever,” Louis spits at him. “Don’t worry. He won’t miss you.”

Under no circumstances is Louis letting his son anywhere near him again.

Chris calls his name but doesn’t try reaching out for him again when he leaves him standing in the corridor by himself. He looks to Harry of all people for help but doesn’t even receive a glance as he follows behind Louis and closes the door in his face.

Nate’s asleep which is probably a good thing so Louis can’t scare him by sobbing at his bedside. He’s just so happy to know his son is okay. It feels impossible to know that he could’ve lost him. That _they_ could’ve lost him he realizes when Harry leans down with tear-filled eyes of his own to press a kiss to Nate’s forehead.

Harry sits down next to him closer to the foot of the bed so Louis doesn’t have to let go of Nathan’s hand. “Are you okay, babe?” Louis relaxes at Harry’s touch, his hand moving in wide circles along his back.

“Yeah, I think so. I will be,” Louis says, felling incredibly lucky when he feels Harry press a kiss to his head too. He’s lucky to have two people in his life that he loves so much. “Are you okay?”

Harry nods, his eyes still bright green even though the tears have receded. “I’m just glad Nathan’s okay.”

“God, I wish we could just take him now.”

Louis hates that Nathan is in this bed instead the one in his room. This isn’t the big reunion Louis had pictured for the end of the week, however soon they’ll all be together again in Cheshire where they belong. Nate will have to stay here for a few days, but all Louis can think about is how amazing it’ll feel to have their little family back.

“We will, Lou. Really soon,” Harry promises. “Nate will get all better before you know it and then once he does…”

 _Home_. Louis could smile just thinking about it.

*

Winter

If someone had told Harry last winter that a few months from then he’d meet the love of his life he would’ve been understandably skeptical considering his past luck with relationships, but he wouldn’t have discounted it just yet. He would’ve held out. He would’ve waited patiently for his person to show up in his world and flip it upside down. The bottom line is, Harry would’ve believed that Louis was coming for him and would’ve gladly anticipated his fateful arrival. Now, what Harry wouldn’t have believed is if that same someone told Harry that seven months after that he’d be driving around town with his and Louis’ five-year-old in tow- excuse him, _six_ -year-old as of today- singing along to Imagine Dragons with a dinosaur birthday cake the size of Nate’s whole body strapped down in the back seat. That would’ve sounded too wild and too good to be true, and yet, that’s exactly where Harry is.

He glances in the rearview mirror when he catches the tail end of something Nathan said. It’s drowned out by the music so Harry quickly turns it down.

“Sorry. Did you say something, love?”

“Will there be candles on my cake?” Nathan asks, with a little crease between his eyebrows that makes him look just like Louis.

Harry smiles at his question just like all the others he has asked today. He’s been excited about his party all week long. Mostly, he’s been feeding off of his and Louis’ energy because they’re just as excited about it. Maybe even more so.

He has been to multiple kids’ birthday parties for his niece and his friends who have children, but Harry has never thrown one himself. He’s never done something this important for anybody and now he gets to do it for his own child. Louis has been a father for six years now, but he’s never had the chance to do something like this either. His ex-husband didn’t want guests in their house. He kept Louis and Nate isolated from the people they love so big parties were never allowed. Thankfully, _their_ home is nothing like that. It’s full of happiness and light and their loved ones are welcome anytime, so naturally, the bigger the dinosaur cake the better; eggless of course.

“Of course you get candles, mate. I picked them out myself. All eighteen of them.” Truthfully, he only got six sparkler candles, which he admits to after Nathan insists that he isn’t turning eighteen. They’re all currently in a bag in the passenger seat along with the hundred other last minute things he had to pick up on his and Louis’ list. “Are you getting super excited?”

The big smile on Nathan’s face says that he is. He’s been wearing it since he woke up today.

“Is it almost time?” he asks.

“Uh, not quite yet, but we’re _really_ close,” Harry promises. “Your uncle Liam is already on his way to come help me and your dad. Niall and Zayn said they’ll be over early too.”

They’ve still got a few hours. Louis started decorating early this morning and hasn’t slowed down once even though he had a rough time getting started thanks to their late-night victory shots for putting all of this together that went way past one glass of tequila each. The party starts at two and everyone swears they’ll be on time from all of Nate’s friends from his old and new schools, all of Louis and Harry’s friends, as well as both sets of families. Needless to say, they’re all a bit antsy.

“Daddy, can we play it again please?” Nate asks.

Harry feels his brow furrow wondering what he’s talking about until he realizes their playlist ended and they’re now driving in silence.

“It’s your birthday. You’re the boss,” he grins in the rearview mirror, hitting play for the third time so Nate can pretend he knows all the words to _Radioactive_ just like Louis does.

Like father like son he reckons.

*

He and Nate make it back home after running a couple of more errands. Harry’s balancing the cake, a platter of sandwiches shaped like stegosauruses, and several shopping bags when he fumbles the front door open. Nathan toes off his shoes, takes off his jacket, puts the couple of bags he helped carry inside on the entryway table, and then runs to admire all the hard work his father has put into decorating the flat for him while they were gone.

Besides Oscar lounging on the coffee table where he doesn’t belong and the influx of new, brilliant photographs that are all courtesy of Louis’ talented eye and his career taking off again, there are also streamers and balloons everywhere. As if there was any doubt who this huge day is for, there’s even a giant banner hanging from the ceiling with Nathan’s name on it. The gift table is finished and mostly full already just from the presents that he and Louis bought. Louis had said he was starting on the dessert table next so they’d have somewhere to put the cake and it looks great, but also mysteriously half-complete. There are a few things missing around the room here and there, but the most noticeable one has to be his boyfriend.

Harry takes everything he picked up to the kitchen where he and Louis can sort through it later and then sets off towards their bedroom in search of him. Louis said he wasn’t feeling that great this morning before going straight into decorating mode so he’s probably just resting.

He isn’t in bed when Harry walks into their room so he tries their bathroom next, confused when he pushes open the door and Louis is there, sitting on the edge of the tub.

“Is everything alright? Are you sick?” Harry asks.

He closes the door so Nate doesn’t see his dad looking so poorly and then carefully sits down beside him. Louis’ cheeks are splotchy and his eyes are crystal blue the way they only are after he’s shed a few tears. He was so happy when he and Nate left an hour ago. He probably still is, Harry realizes. Just emotional from the big day.

“He’s still your little boy, babe,” Harry grins. “He’s just another year older is all.”

That pulls a tiny smile out of Louis but it’s short-lived, fizzling out as he discreetly wipes at his eyes. “I know,” he sighs, looking up for the first time since Harry found him in here. “It’s not that.”

Harry is really scared to find out what it is. They haven’t heard from Chris in months, but it is Nate’s birthday today so maybe he called and said something awful. Harry hopes that’s not the case when Louis sighs again in defeat and places a white stick in the palm of Harry’s hand.

“I felt nauseous again. I thought it was from last night.”

Louis watches Harry examine it out of the corner of his eye. Harry can feel his boyfriend’s gaze burning into the side of his face as he tries to figure out if the two blue lines he’s squinting at are good or bad.

“Louis, is this-? Are you telling me what I _think_ you’re telling me?” What Harry _hopes_ Louis’ telling him.

There’s a crumpled-up page of instructions lying next to Louis’ feet. Harry picks them up, his heart suddenly growing wings when he reads enough to know that the two blue lines are in fact a _good_ thing. “Oh, my God! Louis! This is- This amazing!” He doesn’t even have the words to describe just _how_ amazing this feels. “We’re having a baby? Are you serious right now?!” Harry laughs, wondering why Louis doesn’t look half as excited about this when he gives a quick nod.

This is the best thing. Or at least Harry thinks it is. True, they’ve never really talked about having more kids. They’ve been together less than a year, but he never thought Louis would be opposed to the idea. Not when they both love Nathan so much. Nate would love to have a little brother or sister and Harry would love to be a father who gets to be there for every step of his child’s life since he missed out on so much of his step son’s. He never held a bottle or heard his first words. He missed late nights and crying and first days of school; all the small things that have made Nathan the little boy that he is today. He would’ve thought Louis wanted those things with him too, however people don’t usually cry this hard when they’re looking forward to the future.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Harry shushes him pulling him in with an arm wrapped tightly around him. “Talk to me. What’s the matter? What are you thinking?”

“This is all wrong again,” Louis croaks out. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen. I wanted things with us to be right. I wanted to do this the right way this time and now it’s all fucked up.”

Harry’s ears hang on the phrases ' _again_ ' and ‘ _this time’,_  implying there was once another time where things didn’t end well. Louis isn’t making much sense as he babbles about this being wrong. Harry holds him tighter anyway, letting him get it all out.

“I didn’t want this for us,” he sniffs. “If we ever got married I wanted it to be because we love each other not because it’s the right thing to do or because we _have_ to because doing that only makes things worse later on.”

Harry’s heart breaks for him because even though he’s been officially divorced for months now, Chris’ shadow and their failed marriage still hangs over him. Even during moments like this where Louis’ smile should be the brightest and if there are tears, they should only be from joy.

“But, Louis, we _do_ love each other.” Harry loves him so much that it scares him to imagine a world without him; a whole where they never met and Harry would’ve been forced to live with half of himself forever missing. “We wouldn’t be getting married because we have to, love. I’d marry you because I want to and you feel the same way.”

Louis nods like he wants to believe that. He even sports a little grin about it but it crumbles as soon as he glances at the positive test in his hand.

“Well, now it doesn’t even matter because I know you, Haz. We're having a baby and you’re going to want to do it all. You’re going to want to get married and raise this child together. And that would be amazing except you’re not ready.” Harry blinks down at him, wondering where Louis ever got the idea that he isn’t all in just because Chris wasn’t.

“How do you know I’m not ready, huh? What makes you think I’m not ready to spend my life with you?”

“Because it’s too bloody soon for you to know that and if you _were_ ready I think you’d have said so,” Louis snaps with more bite than either of them was expecting.

Louis already sounds scared shitless. His glossy eyes grow even wider when Harry lets his arm drop away from him and stands up.

“No, wait, Haz. I didn’t mean that,” he apologizes, fresh tears flowing down his cheeks when Harry drops a kiss to the top of his head before stepping out of the bathroom.

He listens for Nathan in the living room, satisfied with the faint sound of him giggling at the tv, though Harry can hardly even hear him with the way his heart is pounding in his ears.

Their wardrobe is always a mess. It looks like it exploded this week from how busy they’ve both been preparing for this party but there’s one sacred place that remains untouched; the little space between Harry’s old hoodies and Louis’ tank tops for summertime where a black ring box has been hidden for the past three months just waiting for the perfect time to make its debut. He thought that perfect time would be further down the line, but that’s just fine with him. This isn’t the first time life has thrown him a curveball; a blessing he didn’t even know he was waiting on.

Louis is still hunched over his knees and letting his tears fall. His test and its instructions on the ground and one arm clutched protectively around his waist. He looks surprised to see Harry even came back and even more surprised when he sits down again with the ring box in plain sight sitting in the center of his hand.

“W-Where the hell did you get that?” Louis sniffs, side-eyeing the box like he doesn’t believe he’s really seeing it.

Harry opens it carefully for him revealing the silver ring with three small sapphires that Liam, Niall, and Zayn all helped him pick out. He gently wedges it from its slot and listens to Louis’ breaths stop altogether, still staring at it like his eyes are playing tricks on him.

“When did you-?”

“I bought this ring a little while ago. It was the day after your divorce was finalized,” Harry says grinning as he recalls waking up that day after a night of celebrating Louis’ newfound freedom and wanting nothing more than to make him a married man all over again. He has held off from asking assuming Louis would be the one who wasn’t ready to do this again so soon.

“But- But that was only three months ago.” Louis tears his gaze away from the ring to meet Harry’s eyes. “You knew back then?”

“I knew even then,” he confirms. “How could I not?” Harry knew the moment he fell in love with Louis but he doesn’t want to scare him off. Not when he’s already terrified that he’s making another mistake. His eyes show great interest though, captivated by the ring glinting in the light. Harry almost forgot that Chris never gave him one.

“Would you like to wear it? It is yours after all,” Harry chuckles, his stomach alive and fluttering when Louis eagerly nods. He slides off the edge of the tub and gets down on both knees before him. His hands are a little shaky when he takes Louis’ in his grasp, but it only takes a moment of staring into his eyes to steady them and remind Harry that he has no reason to be nervous. He’s kneeling in front of his whole future. Nothing could be more exciting than that.

“So, our story didn’t really start like most,” he begins with a laugh to himself because their story is unlike any he’s ever heard. Maybe that’s what makes it so special. “I didn’t fall in love with you in a cozy coffee shop on a rainy afternoon or in some pub in town over a few drinks. The truth is I didn’t see you coming at all. I didn’t even know that I was falling for you until it had already happened, and then it was simply too late to go back.”

People thought he was crazy holding out for some guy he met online with a kid and a husband, but he knew better. There was a reason they were brought together in the way that they were and Harry believes with all his heart that this is it. Other people didn’t initially get it. They didn’t have to, because love is patient and their hearts have been connected from the start.

“We’ve been through so much together already and you may not think we’re ready to face a new set of challenges this soon, but I know for a fact that we are because you and I can do anything. I don’t want to marry you because we have to or because it’s the right thing to do. In my eyes, it’s the _only_ thing to do when two people love each other as much as we do. So, I know you’re scared, and God knows you have every right to be nervous about where this will end, but I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to be. That this time _is_ different, Lou, because we already got it right.”

Louis kisses him as soon as his ring comes to rest above his second knuckle. His face still wet and there are definitely tears, but at least now they’re falling for the right reasons.

“I love you so, so much,” he whispers though it feels a lot like thank you. He says it all the time like Harry is some hero or gave him something that Louis wasn’t always one-hundred percent capable of having on his own. He always says that Harry rescued him and maybe that’s true, but Harry feels the exact same way about him.

“I love you too, Louis.” Far more than Harry could ever say.

Time keeps moving as they hold each other. Harry counts every one of Louis’ quick heartbeats knowing they’re coming so fast because he’s excited.

He’s all smiles again when he pulls back, his eyes so happy and crinkled up they’re practically closed. It’s just one of the many ways Harry loves him best.

“We’re engaged!” Harry exclaims for the first time, but not _too_ loud since they haven’t told Nate yet. He always knew it’d feel something like flying, but he didn’t expect to feel this incredible.

“I know! And we’re going to have baby, Haz.” Louis’ smile is so wide it nearly covers his entire face, finally allowing himself to feel happy about it.

“Yeah, we’ve been quite busy in the last ten minutes,” he jokes.

Louis laughs at that and Harry think he falls a little more in love with him right then. “Shit. And it’s still Nate’s birthday,” he realizes, laughing at how much crazier this day just got. They’ve been riding a high about this day for weeks and now it’s multiplied by a billion. “We have to finish setting up for his party.”

“People will be here soon,” Harry comments. He is so proud to call Louis his fiancé that he could scream it and that’s _before_ he remembers they’re adding to their family. “Should we wait to tell them?” he asks. “I want to do whatever you feel comfortable with.”

“We’re telling them. We’re doing it as soon as they get here. They’ll be so thrilled for us. _I’m_ so thrilled for us.” He beams down at his new ring and then up at Harry and he can’t fight the rush of tears overwhelming him. This is Harry’s first ever experience with all of this. Louis has done it before, but he doesn’t look any less excited being here again with him. They’ve both gone through things in the past that have threatened to destroy who they are, but they just came back from it stronger and readier than ever for their paths to finally cross. People always say there is no pleasure without pain, and if that’s the case this is all just part of the big plan because without the few scars they picked up along the way they wouldn’t be here.

So, if someone had told Harry this morning that he’d be indescribably happier by the end of the day, he wouldn’t have believed it was possible because they were already living their dreams, but seeing them both here bathed in so much love and only due to receive more is more than either of them ever imagined.

It’s much, much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to andthetreewashappy and Fallinglikethis(Zayniam)! Also, thanks to anybody else who made it to the end. You're the best <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, a quick epilogue :) Hope you enjoy!

The lapels of Louis’ jacket are laid smooth against his chest when he stands back from the mirror to inspect himself. It looks good. Louis thinks _he_ looks good in it too, but perhaps his shirt collar should be left open?

“You’re wrinkling that and we don’t have time for me to iron it. _Again._ ”

Louis forces his fingers to still around his collar at the sound of his best friend’s voice fondly chastising him. When Liam walks over to fix his shirt, his brown eyes are filled with more joy than Louis thought possible, even after he rolls them due to Louis’ fidgety hands now going for his quiff that he swears has fallen a bit since the last time he glanced at it. Though maybe not. Maybe he’s just imagining things.

“Nervous?” Liam laughs when Louis decides that his hair hasn’t actually fallen and then forces his hands down by his side where they can’t do any damage.

“No,” Louis answers right away. “Er- Okay, yes. Sort of,” he amends wearing the same big smile he’s been wearing since he woke up today and realized he was marrying the love of his life. He doesn’t think nervousness is quite the name for what he’s feeling. If anything, it’s pure euphoria charged with excitement in a way that Louis never felt the first time he did this.

Liam chuckles at him before pulling him into one of his infamously overly-tight hugs that leaves Louis feeling even more breathless. “I can honestly say that you have nothing to be nervous about today, Lou. You look amazing and Harry’s heart will stop from seeing you.” When his best friend pulls back to fix his collar again, Louis’ eyes fall on the tiny flesh-colored scars across his knuckles; suspicious injuries that magically appeared after one night nearly half a year ago when he ran into Chris at a bar. Liam had said everything went fine and the two of them ended up having a surprisingly civil conversation, however, Louis’ mother saw Chris just a week later and apparently Liam’s fists did all the talking.

“Spoken like a true best man,” Louis teases as he gives his reflection a final seal of approval. “You have to say stuff like that. Otherwise I’ll fire you.”

“No, I have to say stuff like that because it’s true,” Liam assures him. “I’ve never been happier for you, Louis. For both of you. I can’t believe this day is finally here.”

Louis can’t either. It feels like he’s been waiting a life time. He was only engaged for about a month before he and Chris got married, but this past year being engaged to Harry hasn’t exactly dragged; on the contrary. It flew by just from the two of them being so happy. They have a beautiful baby girl now and Nathan is as wonderful as ever being the best big brother that a big seven-year-old can be. They’ve been so lucky that Louis can hardly imagine things getting better for them. They will though, and soon, because _‘I do_ ’ is just around the corner.

“Do you have the ring?” Louis checks, almost forgetting about it since he’s been so busy the last few days.

“Shit. You’re sure you gave it to _me_?” Liam’s face screws up as he pats at his pockets in vain and Louis’ heart drops. It floats back up to its regular home in his chest when Liam smirks and then produces Harry’s wedding band from his jacket’s front pocket.

“Dick,” Louis smiles, not even caring that his insult sounds like an endearment because Harry’s ring is beautiful and he’s been dying to put it on his finger. “What time is it? We’ve got to be getting close right?” He has asked that more times today than his seven-year-old when he’s waiting for Santa Claus. Louis has jumped every time there’s been a knock at the door, hoping to see Harry breaking the rules to come see him. So far, he hasn’t done it. The only people who have been by are their family and friends to hug, kiss, and cry all over him for their special day.

“Well, it’s only been ten minutes since the last time you asked that,” Liam snorts, “But now it’s actually almost time so we can start walking.”

He watches Liam carefully tuck Harry’s ring back into his jacket pocket and Louis’ heart goes into overdrive. This is it.

Louis hurries over to the mirror to check his reflection one more time, looking for a flyaway hair here or a piece of fabric that needs adjusting here, but all he sees is himself looking the happiest he’s ever been. Who cares if his new shoes feel a bit weird or that he accidentally nicked himself shaving this morning. Harry loves him regardless and he always will. That’s all that matters today. That’s what matters to Louis.

The waiting is the hardest part. He’s all alone except for the butterflies in his stomach and his mother by his side. Everyone else in their wedding party has already left to walk down the aisle. All except for Louis who can feel his heart swelling with the music, signaling his turn to finally go.

There was no aisle at his first wedding, which, looking back, really wasn’t a wedding at all, but he wouldn’t change it. Louis’ glad he never had any of this with Chris because now he can have it all with the gorgeous man smiling and waiting for him just a few more steps away.

There are so many people here to share this moment with them. Louis’ best man is already in place standing to the left of the altar while Harry’s stands mostly still on the right, discreetly tugging at his jacket sleeves because he’s never worn a suit before. Louis remembers the great suspense that had gripped their small friend group as Zayn and Niall waited patiently for Harry to choose his best man. He surprised them and everyone one else when he proudly revealed that he didn’t need to pick a best man because he already had one; Nathan. Niall and Zayn still got to be involved of course. They took care of all the big things like scheduling and rehearsals while Nathan helped pick Harry’s suit and the flowers for all the groomsman’s boutonnieres. Their son has never looked smaller than he does right now compared to everyone else in their wedding, but anybody who has ever seen him and Harry together knows that they really are the best of friends. Nathan looks up to Harry so much and Harry has loved him from the start. Who else could stand behind him on one of the most important days of his life?

Nathan waves excitedly when Louis and his mother get closer. It’s not quite what they practiced, but in his defense, they’ve barely seen each other since yesterday. Louis waves back at him and then discreetly scans the room for his seven-month-old daughter whom he finds peacefully sleeping in the arms of one of her aunts near the front.

Louis missed them both last night even though they were just a few minutes away, but he doesn’t think he missed his kids quite as much as he missed his future husband who eagerly accepts Louis’ hand when it’s offered.

“Hey, love,” he whispers, his energy rolling off him in waves in a way that suggests he didn’t get much sleep last night either.

Louis is a little too nervous to say anything back when his mother leaves him there with the person who’s about to promise to protect him and love him for the rest of their lives. He just focuses on Harry’s hand in his and tries to commit every second of their ceremony to memory.

He can’t believe it’s finally time when Liam carefully hands him Harry’s ring and Louis’ is carefully passed from Niall to Nathan and then to Harry who gently places it on Louis’ finger right next to his other ring. Harry gets to wear his next, his grin barely contained when it comes to rest above his second knuckle. Everything else in that moment is a whirlwind. All Louis sees is his official husband leaning in towards him and all he feels is love when their lips meet in the middle.

*

When they kiss their babies goodbye that evening Louis only lets himself be a little sad about it. It’s not like either Nathan or Sarah mind a week-long stay at their grandparents’; the land of ambiguous bedtimes and daily shopping trips that almost always result in new toys. They’re excited to be going on a mini holiday away from their home just like Louis and Harry are excited about their trip to Niagara Falls. Their time apart will probably fly by.

“Do you think we remembered everything?” Louis asks while trying to wedge his carry-on bag under the seat in front of him. It’s hard packing for four people who are going to two different locations for seven whole days. Nathan has football practice and all his school things while all the various things Sarah still needs at seven months took up almost half the space of their car.

“Nope. Not at all,” Harry snorts at his question. “I’m sure we forgot a few things, but nothing our families can’t quickly fix. And, they have the number to our hotel and a key to ours if it’s something really important.”

Louis nods forcing himself to take a deep breath and relax. They’re all going to be fine just like Harry said. It’s just a week.

When he glances over Harry is watching him, grinning like always when Louis is a mess and he isn’t. It’s annoying how often that occurs. “Feeling better, hubby?”

“Oh, shut up,” Louis pokes at his right dimple. “You were the anxious one all last week and even last night. Niall told me you were a nervous wreck.”

“Um, I was getting _married_. To _you_ ,” he iterates looking at Louis like he’s some sort of work of art sitting next to him. “Did he really expect me to be calm at a time like that?” he asks quietly. No, no one did, but Louis did find it extremely cute that Harry couldn’t wait either. Louis could hardly sleep.

Their flight time is almost seven hours, but after all the work that went into their wedding it’s welcomed down time. Louis sleeps until he can’t anymore and then nearly cheers when they finally land around midnight. They rent a car to get to their hotel and Louis is so excited to be in a new place that he can’t stop trying to take photos of every beautiful thing they pass despite hardly being able to see them in the dark.  

“You’re already going to need a new memory card if you keep that up,” Harry teases from behind the wheel.

“It’s a good thing we packed extras then,” Louis grins. Half of their luggage is their combined photography equipment. He and Harry could take a photo every minute of this trip and still have space left for more. They made sure of it.

Their suite is the best thing Louis’ ever seen when they step inside of it for the first time. There are flowers and cards wishing them congratulations along with chilled bottles of champagne which Louis can’t wait to pop. The view of the falls is amazing from their balcony with the water all lit up and sparkling. There is so much for them to do while they’re here as the dozens of pamphlets in their suite inform them from late-night boat tours to the luxury hot tub up on the roof. There’s no way seven days in paradise is going to be long enough.

“Babe, what do you want to do first? It all looks amazing.” Louis looks up from the pamphlets to find Harry hardly even listening. He feels his heartrate pick up when Harry takes his place beside him without so much as glancing at the things around them.

The first press of his lips doesn’t come as a shock when Harry leans in and yet Louis’ breath still catches when it happens, the world going quiet as they fall back onto the pillows and the pamphlets go sliding onto the floor.

Boat rides and hot tubs can wait for this. And besides, they slept on the plane and they’re officially kid-free. They’ve got energy to burn.

*

Louis wakes up the next day feeling a little lost in a place that’s a lot quieter than he’s used to without Oscar walking all over his and Harry’s backs, one child up and running around the flat, and the other babbling in her crib for someone to come help her escape so she can add to the mayhem. No one is here demanding anything from either of them. There’s just the steady beating of Harry’s heart under his ear and the sun pouring in on them from outside.

He lets Harry wake up on his own, watching him frown when it happens as he wakes up in a similar state of confusion about why he isn’t being pounced on or tickled to death.

“Weird, isn’t it?” Louis chuckles. “I think this might be how normal people live? I don’t get it.”

“Me neither,” he snorts. “Who wakes up _without_ someone physically prying open their eyelids.”

Harry buries his smile in Louis’ neck and then stretches his body out alongside his, not even bothering to pull up the sheet that slips off their bare hips. He’s wearing nothing but his wedding band as he lets his arms circle around Louis’ waist and pulls him closer until they’re just skin on skin; something they usually only get to do late at night or when they’re home alone.

“I do miss them. I always do,” Harry admits after a while of lying in the quiet. “ _But_ I also think waking up to you like this is something I could get used to.” Louis agrees wholeheartedly.

“Want to call them and see how they are? They’re definitely up.” Their kids are five hours ahead of them. They’re probably eating lunch right now or causing mischief being up to no good. Nathan’s likely busy coercing someone into taking him to the big park for the hundredth time this week.

Louis reaches for his phone on their bedside table but his attempt is blocked by Harry who laces their fingers together then rolls them until Louis is pinned onto his back.

“So… I guess we’re _not_ calling the kids then,” Louis smirks when Harry’s lips start kissing at his neck and continue their way down. He gasps when Harry sucks a love bite over his left hipbone and pushes his legs apart so his head can fit between them.

“We’re _definitely_ not calling,” he smirks back. Harry sucks him down and for a moment, Louis forgets they even have kids. Seriously, Sarah and Nathan, who?

*

Those first few days on their own is a little surreal. They get a slow start every morning with long hot showers to rinse off the night before. Even breakfast in the hotel’s café is a peaceful experience because Nathan isn’t making a mess on the table, Sarah isn’t experimenting with using her entire hand as a spoon to feed herself, and Harry’s lips are sweet with Canadian maple syrup and Louis can’t go five minutes without tasting them.

The first big attraction they tackle together is coincidentally the biggest; the almighty Cave of the Winds. Everyone else who has already been says they should be prepared to get soaked but the view from the top of the falls is well worth being drenched. Water doesn’t scare Louis. He’s just excited to start exploring things with Harry.

“Alright, I take it back. This is dumb,” Louis mutters as he fastens his poncho under his chin. “I feel like a giant blue condom.”

“You do,” Harry laughs. “But at least you’re a really cute condom.”

Louis glares at him from behind a steady stream of bright flashes as his husband captures every move he makes with his new waterproof lens set he’s been dying to try out since they arrived. Eventually, he stops snapping photos long enough to help Louis out by lifting the hood of his poncho until it sits nice and tight on his head leaving only his face and sunglasses exposed.

“ _Why_ did I marry you, again?” Louis can think of a hundred reasons why marrying Harry was the best thing to ever happen to him. Harry ignores his question, still snapping pictures every other second of Louis looking like an idiot.

“These shots are perfect. They’re going to look _great_ on the blog.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Louis narrows his eyes at him.

“You don’t know me very well then, do you, _husband_?” Harry smiles, boldly snapping a dozen more pictures like the lovable Idiot he is. Louis doesn’t even argue. Harry’s followers have already seen Louis napping with his mouth wide open along with dozens of other embarrassing moments Harry claims are adorable. But it’s not like Louis isn’t guilty of doing the same thing on his own blog.

*

Every day of their honeymoon is a new adventure. Whether they’re hiking through the hills of the nature reserve or marveling at the beauty of thousands of butterflies floating around them at the conservatory. Some days, they don’t even leave their suite and their time together is still every bit as thrilling. He never had any of this with Chris and in all honesty, he never wanted it. But with Harry, he wants it all. Every moment, every smile, every touch, and every kiss Harry presses to his skin.

Louis is wet in places he didn’t even know existed after their final boat tour out on the water. He and Harry head back to their hotel for a quick shower and then much needed nap, exhausted from spending their last full day in Niagara seeing as many attractions as possible. When they wake up it’s nearly sunset and their stomachs are angrily demanding food which are the perfect conditions for an end-of-honeymoon dinner date at the top of the famous Minolta Tower.

The last time they got dressed up to go somewhere it was to their own wedding just one week ago, but Louis’ heart still does funny things when his husband steps out of the bathroom looking every bit as gorgeous as he did the day they said ‘ _I do’_.

He’s wearing a pair of black slacks and a matching shirt on top, but his jacket tonight is covered in silver roses and vines embroidered into the velvety fabric. He self-consciously runs his fingers under his lapels and through his hair when he realizes he has an audience.

“Is this okay? Should I change?”

Louis sincerely hopes he never changes a single detail about himself. It’s why Louis loves him so much. His husband stops fussing over himself and his outfit when Louis crosses the room to hold his hands still and kiss him so deep that Harry’s eyes remain closed even after Louis steps back to admire him more.

“You look amazing. You look amazing in anything, but especially in this. Especially tonight.”

His husband’s cheeks take on a rosy color as he tries to downplay how much that meant to him with a roll of his eyes.

“Well, I could say the same about you. You’re always beautiful. Tonight’s no exception.”

Louis threw on a pair of slacks and a shirt strategically left unbuttoned at the top that he’s ninety-nine percent sure belongs to Liam. “Eh, I look alright. I didn’t do very much,” Louis tries but Harry shakes his head, this time pulling Louis into a slow reassuring kiss.

“Better than alright,” he grins when he pulls back to find Louis dazedly staring back at him. “Like I said. You’re beautiful.”

No matter how crazy things at home may get, the two of them have always made time for each other. Date nights are pretty common for them, but not date nights that feature candlelight, giant windows that stretch up to the ceiling, and the most gorgeous view Louis has ever seen in his life. The water looks as though it was painted as the warmest colors of sunset melt into its ripples and waves. It’s all Louis can look at until the stars come out, giving everything, including his husband’s eyes, the illusion of twinkling.

“Thinking of going for a dip?” Harry teases over his third glass of champagne.

This whole trip has been magical and better than Louis could’ve dreamed, and even still, Louis knows things are only going to get better once they fly home tomorrow to Nathan and Sarah and even Oscar who all simultaneously drive him and Harry up the wall sometimes, but they love the madness. That’s their little family and neither of them would trade it for anything.

“No,” Louis grins. “Just thinking. About us. About this place.”

Harry’s eyes soften while watching him. “Not ready to go back just yet?”

Louis pauses before answering, knowing in his heart no place on Earth will ever be better than their sofa on a Sunday night sat in front of some Disney movie that Harry and Nathan picked out.

“Not exactly,” Louis says after a while. “I mean, I absolutely love it here of course. It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever been.”

“ _But_ , you love home too and you miss it,” Harry says knowingly. “Me too,” he smiles. “I get that.”

“Thank you so much for bringing me here,” Louis tells him. “It really has been amazing.” He’ll never forget it. They have about a billion photos of Niagara between them to make sure they don’t, but maybe one day they’ll come back.

“Well don’t start thanking me yet,” Harry chuckles. “We’ve still got tonight.”

And, ah, yes, Louis grins as he downs the remainder of his champagne. _Tonight._

Harry’s boots are off as soon as they stumble into their suite, quickly followed by his sparkly jacket that Louis strips him out of and lets fall to the floor. The extreme pleasure that came with Harry getting all dressed up for him tonight has been nice, but underneath all of Louis’ admiration for his husband, has been the greater and more urgent desire to just take it all off. Clearly, he wasn’t alone in this. Harry must have been entertaining similar thoughts across their dinner table all night as his eager hands are now fumbling to get him naked, unable to decide if they should even bother with the hassle of unbuttoning his shirt or just pull the whole damn thing over his head. He goes with a weird combination of both that leaves Louis’ shirt crumpled at their feet.

Neither of them is doing a very good job at undressing the other as pieces of clothing get stuck around limbs and end up dragging along the floor behind them in their haste. Racing to get each other naked first is never a particularly coordinated affair for them, especially whenever alcohol is involved, but that’s what makes it all the more fun.

Louis didn’t laugh half as much as this with Chris, and their marriage lasted half a decade. He and Harry have been together for two years and married for what feels like two seconds and Louis is already the happiest he’s ever been. Even while stumbling out of his pants pooled around his ankles while they both cackle. There was once a time that Louis believed people couldn’t feel this way. He thought loving someone meant being scared, getting hurt, and constantly apologizing for it, but all of that stopped the moment Harry came into his life brighter than sunshine itself.

He gives Harry’s chest a shove once they’ve wrestled their way out of their clothes, making them both laugh as Harry falls back onto the bed and Louis crawls up his body to straddle his hips so he can’t move. Louis pins his wrists on either side of his head as Harry hums in appreciation at the feeling of being trapped beneath his weight.

It took a while for Louis to develop that sort of confidence, even after Harry would beg for Louis to do things like this to him. Small, playful things he wouldn’t have dared try with Chris. For a long time, Louis still very much walked on eggshells with Harry even after Chris was out of the picture. Louis felt completely safe with him and yet he kept waiting for the day things between them would change just like they had for him in the past. He kept anticipating that first blow during an argument or for Harry’s hands to conveniently find themselves squeezed around Louis’ throat to start the vicious cycle all over again, but that day never came. And it never will. He and Harry don’t hurt each other, and when there’s a disagreement, they talk sensibly to one another rather than fight. Sex no longer makes Louis feel afraid or worthless, and instead of crying himself to sleep at night alone he drifts off wrapped in Harry’s arms until the next morning. The scars from all that pain have long since healed.

“ _Babe, please_ ,” Harry begs when he’s so aroused from Louis grinding against him that he can’t take it anymore. His hips keep trying to leave the bed in search of more friction even though Louis isn’t all that heavy and he’s not putting forth much effort to keep Harry still. He could easily break Louis’ hold around his wrists and take what he wants, but he won’t do it. Not until Louis asks him to, happily giving up control so Harry can take it instead.

From the very first time they had sex, Louis has been amazed at how much he’d been missing out on. He had forgotten how good it could feel with someone who knows his body and cares about its needs. Each time Harry thrusts inside of him just the way he likes, Louis shutters and whispers into Harry’s ear in encouragement the way that he likes. It’s a give and take that always leaves Harry shaking after he comes and Louis so incredibly blissed out that he can’t move his limbs. That’s what happens as soon as their rhythm becomes so shot that Louis can feel them both about to careen over the edge.

“I’m so close,” Harry pants out, and Louis can pinpoint the exact moment lightning strikes him, watching his eyes squeeze shut and his body tense up from the force of it but he keeps moving. Harry’s eyes are dark as he fights to keep them locked with Louis’ to see him come apart too. When it happens, Louis holds his breath through the shocks of it, trembling as Harry’s lips brush over his eyes and the apples of his cheeks.

Louis’ breathing slows as Harry pulls out of him and starts moving down his body dropping kisses along every inch of skin he discovers. A smile spreads across his face as they kiss and cuddle into each other because the after part of them having sex always feels just as good as the deed itself.

“You going to sleep on me?” Harry chuckles against his ear.

“ _Mmm_. Never,” he grins.

“The night’s still young. We could get some packing done. Get a head start,” his husband suggests making Louis grimace and turn up his nose. “… _Or_ we could just say fuck it and go again. I’d _love_ to taste you.” Louis’s eyes fly open as Harry teasingly bites at his earlobe. It’s all the inspiration Louis needs to make the executive decision that they are not packing right now. They aren’t even leaving this bed. They’re going again. Luggage can wait until morning.

*

Leaving their honeymoon is bittersweet the next day when they actually do have to pack their things. On the one hand they’ve just shared the best seven days together that they could’ve asked for, but on the other, they’re going home, and nothing beats that.

Louis has never felt more loved or missed than when they arrive at Harry’s parents’ house and everybody welcomes them with open arms. It has only been a week since he last saw his kids but he swears Nathan and Sarah have each grown half an inch when Nathan runs to hug them and Sarah starts up a whole smiley, babbled conversation upon seeing her dads’ faces. They haven’t of course. His son and daughter are the same sweet babies he and Harry said goodbye to. Louis just missed them that much.

It’s not Sunday movie night. It’s Saturday. They’ve got a shit load of unpacking to do, an entire bedroom full of wedding gifts to deal with, a dozen emails each from clients anxiously awaiting their return so they can schedule shoots, and yet they choose to ignore it all when they get home and settle down on the sofa instead. Louis drapes one of Harry’s arms over his shoulders with Nathan comfortably tucked into his side completely ignoring the film _he_ chose as he holds Oscar hostage in his lap and recounts all five times he talked his grandparents into taking him to the big park. Sarah is too young to care what they watch or pay attention to half of what’s happening on screen, but she seems content in Harry’s arms, listening raptly to his hushed words and blinking up at him as if he hung the moon.

Louis knows the feeling. It flutters through his chest when Harry looks over at him with that dimply smile he always wears when he catches Louis staring.

“What?” he chuckles. “It’s true. She is prettier than all the Disney princesses.”

Louis has no idea what he and Sarah were just discussing, only that he loves his husband, their lives, and their family so, so much. He pulls Harry into a kiss; short, but slow enough to let him feel everything that Louis currently is.

“You’re right. She is,” Louis grins when he pulls back. “And Nathan’s more handsome than all the princes.”

“I know where he gets that from.” Louis fondly rolls his eyes because pictures of Louis as a child show that he and Nate could be twins. He takes Harry’s compliment though, laughing when their son interrupts their conversation to point out that he doesn’t even want to be a prince. He wants to be Olaf and Lightning McQueen. How charming. 

“Wonder where he gets _that_ from,” Louis snorts. If he had to guess, it’s probably the same person Nathan gets his patience and tenderness while holding his little sister as well as his growing talent for baking. He wants to be just like Harry and Louis can’t wait for their daughter to grow into an amazing person too just from knowing him. Louis’ certainly better for it. They all are. He thinks that about Harry and their lives almost every day. It’s hard to believe things are only getting better from here.

“God, I missed this,” Harry sighs once their son has talked himself to sleep at Louis’ side and their daughter is dreaming about something that must be quite funny to make her grin the way she is still cradled in Harry’s arms.

“Me too. It’s good to be back.”

They went to paradise for a whole week and missed lazy sofa nights with their kids. Louis’ not certain, but he’s pretty sure that means they’ve accomplished the one thing the two of them have set out to have from the very start. Happiness.


End file.
